Still Trying to Keep the Faith

Yes, I fell off the blog wagon. Life has been a bit busy (you know....summer and all) and blogging has just taken a bit of a back burner to everything else in my life. Of late, I have had a small issue with life, feeling as if it is collapsing in on me again. Perhaps it has been the weather and coming to a stand still on the pool/deck project. We are short 7 ton of sand (which hopefully is coming) and about 60 deck boards which I am short the money to purchase them with. It will happen though. I have faith! 

Then there was the trip to Shriners to check out Davids hip. It was suppose to be on Wednesday, but then just hours before leaving, the house was hit with the Bubonic Plague. Okay, maybe that was a bit dramatic, but my house and all inhabitants were sick! This then meant having to reschedule. That is never fun with Shriners. Luckily we got a date just a couple of weeks off. That was definitely a God thing!

The hits just kept on coming when I realized that I was $160 short somewhere between leaving my house and getting to the bank. Still not sure how that happened. I searched every crevice of my van and my purse and no sign of it. Sigh....perhaps a lesson from on High about being less frenzied and more observant.

Finally....the cherry on top was the fact that I was suppose to have a meeting with a Social Security representative on the 15th to discuss David receiving SSI (disability) and after filling out preliminary paperwork on his health via e-forms, I received a determination in the mail yesterday that he was not eligible for disability. Apparently having cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, being hydrocephalic and a host of other conditions along with being on 4 seizure meds 3 times per day doesn't make him disabled enough for disability. It has been suggested to me to get a disability attorney involved, but then again....if I could afford the attorney....I wouldn't need the disability! Still trying to keep the faith here people!!!!!

It was at this point that I began to hear the oh so familiar I am broke and I am never going to financially make it tune starting to play in my head. I could almost feel the hyperventilating coming on as my body tightened and the migraine set in. It sucks when you are mentally trying to pick out which bridge is going to be the warmest to live under this winter. Yes, I know....more over dramatization, but the financial worry is real. Then I remembered.....didn't I hand this all over to God a while back? Didn't I say that I would stop worrying about all of this and have faith that He would guide me? Yes I did! It also occurred to me mid-panic attack, that it is easy to have faith when things are easy, but REAL faith is believing even when things are really rough. Trust me.....they are really rough and yes God....I am not taking anything out of your hands....I have faith that all will be well!

Instead of panicking....okay....fully panicking, I decided to pray about it. I gave God my problems and so as to stay strong and not try to take them back, I decided I needed back up. So off I went to the internet and looked up some novena's. If you are Catholic then you know that novena's are tried and true methods of prayer for miracles straight across the board. I was looking for a novena explicitly for financial help when I ran across the Mother Teresa's  Emergency Novena. I love Mother Teresa and this for me is an urgent emergency, so it was definitely a fit. This novena is simply the Memorare said nine times in a row for your intention. For those of you who don't know what the Memorare is, it is a beautiful prayer to the Blessed Mother asking her to intercede on behalf of the one in need. Attached to the novena was a message board asking if anyone had ever said the novena and if so....their results. Many answered but the one that caught my eye was from someone who was not a Catholic but who had been given the novena in prison. He said the prayer asking for intercession as he wanted his life to turn around. Apparently his prayer request was granted.

I continue to hand this all over to God. I know He is listening and lest He not forget my request.....I have also sent the Blessed Mother to remind Him. Yes, I can be persistent like that. In truth, I have also sent St. Jude His way and I am thinking St. Pio and St. Theresa may also be paying Him a visit very soon. Yeah....I would call this an emergency.

To me, the biggest leap of faith is relinquishing control and letting God have it all. However, it becomes exponentially easier when I take things into true perspective and see where my need to control has left me. I can almost hear the ethereal question...."How's that whole control thing working out for you?" And to that I can honestly say...."It's not!" 

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Memorare

Remember O most gracious Virgin Mary

that never was it known

that anyone who fled to thy protection 

implored thy help 

or sought they intercession 

was left unaided

Inspired by this confidence

I fly unto thee O Virgin of Virgins my Mother

To thee I come

Before thee I stand...sinful and sorrowful

O Mother of the word incarnate

despise not my petitions

but in they mercy

hear and answer me.