Another Blog.....About Nothing

So perhaps I was wrong! Perhaps today is a good day to blog more than once. With any luck though....I will get all my thoughts completely out in this blog so you won't have to read yet a third and fourth blog today! There are several reasons that I am blogging again. One...I don't feel that I have had the time or energy to actually say what I have wanted to say in my blogs recently. Yes..I blog daily, but after I blog....I always seem to think of things I wish I had said....but forgot. Now I have some time....so maybe I can clear my head. However....I make no promises!!!!

Another reason was because I opened up a news site and there was the headline that Amy Winehouse....was dead at 27. For those of you who don't follow the music scene or live under a rock.....Winehouse is a talent young woman, known for her public antics as much as she is known for her music. When I saw the headlines I have to admit that the shock was only momentary. If you have followed the news at all, you know that her abuse of drugs and alcohol, her health issues, and her public displays have kept her front and center of the media for the last couple of years. After awhile ones mind had to go to not "if" something was going to happen to her....but "when!" As of now the cause of death is unknown, but I am sure the public, much like myself is wondering if it was drugs, alcohol, or a bad combination of the two which took the singers life. When reading on about her....I also found an interesting piece that described her death as one of several talented artists who also found themselves adrift in a sea of substance abuse and left this world too soon....at 27. I just find it all so very sad!

Moving on...I decided today to do my version of nothing. It basically consists of doing exactly what I have to do in order to survive (food, cleaning up and taking care of David) but little else. So I was playing on the computer and going to different sites that I used to frequent but have little time for anymore. After checking them out....I suddenly realized that it had much less to do with my time schedule and much more to do with content in why I no longer visited those sites. Most were of a political nature and regardless of the side you were on.....there was nothing but nasty, hateful and negative. Yes folks...that is where we are in the world today. We can use our political beliefs to knock someone of a differing belief down, verbally abuse them, say horrid things about their families, their children, their sexual orientation and even their religious beliefs....and still sit back smugly feeling as if we have the right. I was really pretty appalled at the whole situation and it wasn't just one site, but all that I went to. Also not just one political belief....but all seemed to be acting the same way. There was no shame whether they were republican's, democrats, independents, libertarians or the so-called "green" group. They all felt their beliefs somehow entitled them to be total asses towards everyone else. Apparently there is no respectful discussion of differing beliefs on these sites anymore. The name of the game is name calling, back biting, and personally insulting anyone who doesn't agree with you. These are adults for goodness sakes and just reading their posts made me feel like I was back on a school yard playground. I was embarrassed and ashamed for all involved. Sad thing is....I am thinking that I was the only one there feeling this way.

So now I am going to ask a very politically/unpolitical question. Answers here...on fb or my email are very welcome. The question is...why do so many people hate Sarah Palin? I have asked this numerous times, but I have gotten no real answers. I will admit I have been on the fence about her (politically)  and I believe I have said this before, but the more I watch her, read about her and listen to her......I really find it very hard not to like her. I do find her voice a bit grating....but that has more to do with someone I knew in a past life than it does to do with her. She is a wife, working mom, a grandma, a politician and she stands up for what she believes in. Granted....you may not agree with her political views, but why does that give anyone the right to trash her as a person? I have seen the most horrid things written and said about her and I can see nothing that she has done that has warranted this behavior. People have tried to make her look like some sort of evil monster......and it is just doesn't fit. So why I ask do people hate Sarah Palin? If you got an answer.....I would sure like to hear it.

So Z is working, man-child is still working my last nerve and David and I are just chillaxin'. I have played on fb, gone to all my old internet haunts, and now maybe it is time for that Lifetime tv that I have been talking about. Better yet...I believe I have a Netflix Dallas video that I need to watch and get sent back. Yep....I am pretty sure this day is going to slip away with nothing truly constructive being accomplished, but oh well....there are worse things....right?!

Well....thank you for letting me interrupt your Saturday afternoon with yet another blog....about nothing....and now I will return you to your regularly scheduled activities. Hope you have fun, stay cool and don't do anything I wouldn't do! (Today that would be a whole lot of nothing!)

Amazing!

I have only actually been out of bed just a very few minutes....but already today is AMAZING! I know.....that is a positive adjective you don't hear much from me, and yet it is true. Why so amazing you ask????? Because I did not have to get up to do anything....and I don't HAVE to do not one single thing today. If I want to sit here and blog all day I can. (Don't worry....no such thing will occur!) The day is literally over flowing with possibilities of what I don't have to do if I don't want to. When I went to bed last night this was not the case....but when I awoke this morning, it was like magic had occurred during my sleeping hours.

Okay...the real deal is, Z got in trouble last night......for being a teenager. He has officially hit the "my mom is too dumb to dress herself" stage where he has to correct every "illiterate" word that comes out of my mouth, rolls his eyes at the utter embarrassment of my voice and have something far more intelligent to say than anything that I could possibly think of in every conversation we have. It is amazing that in working just a week an a half, suddenly his IQ has risen about 30 points where mine has obviously dropped into the negative numbers. Anyway, having dealt with this for several days, last night was the end of it for me. I brought to his attention his condescending attitude and let him know that the last words like that out of his mouth.....better BE the last words like that out of his mouth. I also pointed out the fact that I was pretty sure I deserved a bit better from him. I was still pretty ticked as I drifted off to sleep last night.....as I am sure was he. However....this morning no alarm jolted me awake and before he woke me up or let me know that he had found a ride to go mow, he had changed his brother and gotten him ready for the day. WOW!

David and I lounged in bed for awhile.....him watching Spongebob and me trying to drift in and out of sleep until "I" was finally ready to get up. It was a beautiful feeling to know that Z has taken it upon himself to arrange rides to and from his jobs today and even more  beautiful to know that it appears he listened to me last night. Just knowing that my day is mine makes me want to be productive. Okay....in all honesty.....I want to be productive as I type this, but once the blog is finished, productive could suddenly mean catching up on sleep, or watching Lifetime all day. In Lisaland.....productive is subjective!

Last night....before going to sleep, since I was already ticked at one kid, I naturally started thinking about the other one who ticked me off this last week too. And the week before that, and the week before that......and I came up with a way to stay out of all his drama from here on out. I have now come up with a new mantra which I am going to say to myself every morning when I start my day......and I am going to calmly use this as my retort when man-child comes to me and says..."Mom, I need your advice".....OR......"Mom, tell me what you think."  Mantra: "I don't know, I don't care and I have absolutely no opinion whatsoever on anything in your life." If I have learned nothing with man-child, I have learned that even listening to him signals drama, so if I immediately spout off my mantra....hopefully this will be his cue that Mom is a drama free zone. If we ever talk again....I'll let you know if it works.  

So what to do today? Or better yet....what not to do today? Oh the possibilities!!! This may take a nap, some deep thought and possibly a wine cooler or two by the pool to come up with a decision. Until then....it is time for the 30 Day Song Challenge. Today...Day 23 is: A song that you want to play at your wedding. How do I tell them that this ship has already sailed?  Okay...lets just play along and say that I found someone willing brave enough to put up with me and my menagerie. Then what song would I have played at my wedding? Hmmmm. I always used to think I wanted Moon River played at my wedding. Why? Cause I love Moon River. But tastes change over time and different songs end up having different meanings as life takes us on our journey. So the song I picked is a rather strange one and I am not even sure if it would fit at a wedding (obviously I am not planning big on that second wedding) however, I think this song says a lot about life, love and all that that implies. If you are a Scrubs fan....then the video is just icing on the cake. So here is Peter Gabriel and The Book of Love!

Here's hoping that you....like me.....have an AMAZING Saturday! Happy Saturday all!

Tonight/Tomorrow/Today

I am starting tomorrow's blog tonight. So technically....even though it is started tonight...by tomorrow...it will be tomorrow's blog. You following along? Today (yesterday/Thursday) was not exactly a pleasant day for me. I think I started out in somewhat of a crappy mood and the mood stayed with me all day. It is funny how those moods are hard to shake and sometimes whether we like it or not....have an effect on the entire day.

I am not sure where the mood started. Perhaps it has been my lack of sleep which as it is late and I am up typing....means tomorrow may be another sleep deprived day. At any rate, I was ready to bite peoples heads off and scream profanities at anyone who looked cross eyed at me today/yesterday. I couldn't hide the mood and after about 11 a.m. I gave up trying. Poor Z being our intern knew the mood and just had to ride the storm out. Sometimes it must suck to work with your mom!

Mid afternoon....man child came waltzing into my work, with the contraband he had removed from my house in his angry move. I don't know if it was a guilty conscience that spurred this action or prodding from a significant other, but either way.....my work place was not the arena for this scene to take place. Add to that....who he was with, and I was left dumbfounded, a bit heart broken and somewhat shocked. I just have to wonder.....when do they actually grow up....and more so.....do they always grow up, or do some just stagnate in a pool of unrealistic expectation and immaturity? I was so sad and really.....the rest of the day....I was pretty much left speechless. I did have to laugh a bit later though....when without provocation, Z pointed out that you simply can't fix stupid. Apparently he is right as I have tried again and again with no success. I guess I just realized that it was time to stop the insanity and shut down that painful piece of my heart. Hope this time it is successful!

Tonight/last night was fun though. Niki and I were met by Berty up at RD's (Thiry's in trouble). We got to watch Z sing karaoke and I must say....he did great. This was my first time getting to see him do his karaoke thing and it was a lot of fun. It took me back to the days when his dad used to sing. Tim and I even made the rounds to RD's (back then Alfies) a time or two. It was a bittersweet memory at a bittersweet time of year on a really crappy day. I always get terribly nervous before Z sings at any event and tonight was no different. I used to with his dad too. He did really well though and several from the crowd told me how impressed they were and asked if he was going to come back. I even had them tell me that they hated to kick him out when they did (all under age have to be out at 9:30 p.m. They let him stay till 10:30 p.m.) So all in all...it didn't turn out to be a horrible day. Tomorrow/today though....might just suck a whole lot!!!!! Glad I don't have one of "those" kind of bosses!

So it is now tomorrow/today. I actually slept well last night and although I have a picture that seems to tell a different story....today I am fine. I will admit though that I am glad that it is Friday. I need some rejuvenation in my life and maybe the weekend is just the ticket.  Since KS seems to be smack dab in the fiery furnace of hell according to the weather man.....I am thinking there should be pool time in my future. I also need to think about a paint purchase for David's therapy room and some house cleaning might also be nice. Next week will be a short week for me as the boss is going out of town and I get to slack off a day or two....so that is always something to look forward to and I have scarcely thought about whether we will be broke or not come August 3rd. Anyone been keeping up on social security......'cause I refuse to watch the news anymore?!

Well...this is my saga of last night, today and a preview of things to come. Exciting? No....I didn't think so, but it is what it is. So I guess I will just move right along to the 30 Day Song Challenge. Today is day 22: A song that you listen to when you’re sad.  Again...today is a bit repetitive. Sad, angry, down, depressed....don't they all kind of generate the same vibe? Well....maybe only in Lisaland. At any rate....the song I chose today is one that I really like and for some reason has been my song of choice for years when I wasn't in the best of moods. Not sure why....that is just he way it is. I am not a big Joe Cocker fan but over the years he has done a couple of songs that I REALLY like and this happens to be one of those. So today....here is Joe Cocker and When the Night Comes. 

TGIF and Happy Friday!!!!!

An Uneven Life

I was asked a question the other day about my blog. The question was, "Why do your blogs go from deathly serious to almost hysterical in nature? They just seem so uneven sometimes." I have quoted this question verbatim. The answer is....because my life goes from deathly serious at times, to almost hysterical in nature and my blog....believe it or not....mirrors my life fairly closely. Yes folks....my life is every bit as manic as my writing. This kind of fits in with this weeks Blogger Idol Challenge. If you read me consistently, then you know I have already written my play along piece, but I did go and read the actual players pieces and believe me, the reading was both great and educational. The challenge was What is writing to you? (By the way....slip by there and vote today!!!) Many of the writers said the same thing in different ways. At times in their lives and some possibly even now, can put into print what they could never say in a face to face conversation. Sometimes social situations are awkward and uncomfortable and they feel anything but in control. On paper however....they control all in their domain. They are often informative, direct, mouthy and often times funny. All aspects of their character that they only feel comfortable with in their blogs, journals, or on paper. To meet many of these writers...you might not recognize them as the individuals you read. Writing is the voice they wish they had in the real world. Now this is not to say that some of the writers don't write the way they truly are...but most don't.

As a kid, I was  awkward. I seemed to always say the wrong thing at the wrong time and found myself snickered at a lot by the other kids. Even at home I think sometimes my family wondered how I could be so verbally clumsy. Speaking in front of more than one person was excruciating and could bring on thoughts of fainting, puking or both. When I started writing stories though....and people actually started reading them (I wrote for the high school newspaper.....they had no choice) then I noticed people starting to view me differently. My words on paper were far more poignant and emotional not to mention eloquent than anything that had ever come out of my mouth. I remember thinking that if I could just never have to speak and only write.....my life would be perfection. I could say things to people through the written word that I could never verbally express. It was like a Jekyll and Hyde thing. When I wrote...I was beautiful, expressive even desirable, but when I actually spoke...sometimes my words were awkward, ugly and even hideous (at least in my head).

Now that I am older, because of jobs I have had and life experience......I have learned to hold my own in a one on one conversation. I can even speak in front of a group and neither faint nor puke. Sometimes though....I do still feel awkward and as if I have a huge foot hanging out of my mouth. Old habits die hard I guess. I still though prefer the written word, but no longer to replace my social skills and now more as a way to share. Writing has become my pathway to people I don't see on a regular basis. It is my way of expressing myself and sharing those day to day experiences that happen to everyone....but don't always feel that way. And yes....some days my blogs are funny....just because that is how I have to make them to get through that particular day. One of the writers in BI said it best when she said that she has to write funny.....because her life is totally unfunny. I so understand that. From the outside looking in and especially being on the inside.....often my life is anything but funny, but if I don't add humor or make myself find some...I would go crazy and take everyone in Lisaland down with me.

So yes....sometimes I am funny. Even down right hysterical. Other days I am blah and I am sure it shows in my blog. And still other days I am in pain, hurting, frustrated or just mad and again......the blog hides nothing, and that is the really cool thing about my blog. As I said...this one in particular mirrors my life. I would bet you money that many of my friends who have known me for years.....know me better now because of my blog. And some of you who don't know me.....are probably counting your blessings about now. So possibly this answers the question of why my writing is so uneven....because I am uneven. My life is uneven and all in Lisaland seems to just be a bit off kilter!

Day 21 of the 30 Day Song Challenge.....A song that you listen to when you’re happy. Some of these seem a bit repetitive, however.....lucky for all of us, I have many songs that make me happy. This song is an older song but takes me back to a really happy time in my life and whenever I hear it....it just naturally makes me happy all over again. Tara...Berty....this songs for you. Here is Sylvia and Nobody!

It's almost the weekend! Everyone have a very HAPPY Thursday!

Dreams, Procrastination and Naps

So I am just not feeling today. I think I want to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep. You see....in last nights/this mornings dreams....life was a bit easier than the real thing. I want my dream world back, or at the very least, this particular dream to become a reality. Sigh.....probably not going to happen. Last night was not particularly a fun night. David has gotten into a bad habit of taking a nap in the evening and then wanting to be awake half the night. Every time I would shut an eye he would be hitting me or poking me or playing with my eyes. It was not a very restful night and I am not in a great mood.

Yes....Z is not happy with his mother. Luckily he has lived with me and my procrastinative ways long enough to know how I work and not to be surprised when things don't get immediately done. They usually always get done.....just never in a timely manner. After a thorough search...there was no birth certificate to be found in my house. He is probably now wondering if he is even mine and if there is someway he can leave me and go find his "real" family. Perhaps with a mother who doesn't procrastinate! Needless to say there will be no drivers license today. This will throw him off his driving schedule and makes him less than pleased, but lucky for me.....he seems to be over it. HUGE note to self: As soon as I get paid....need to order Z's bc! We'll see if it happens!

I am feeling extremely unsettled again. Right now though....I have no real reason. Perhaps it is just a knee-jerk reaction to my past that is affecting my present. I really shouldn't praise my current situation too much as history has taught me over and over again that with just a few simple words.....I can jinx myself for weeks to come. We will leave this as....things could be worse so I need to just quit stressing/feeling unsettled and be grateful for what I have.

It is after noon now. I am on the down hill slide of my work day and all I can think about is a nap. Perhaps I will go home and take a nap this afternoon and then when David tries to sleep tonight.....I will poke him, hit him and play with his eyes. Yeah! That was the immature child in me speaking. Chances are I am going home and heading straight for the pool. Then perhaps get some housework done. Maybe? Maybe not! Guess we will just have to wait and see.

So we are up to day 20 on the 30 Day Challenge. Today's song is: A song that you listen to when you’re angry. As ticky as I seem to be all the time, you would think that there would be a song for that. Actually though, I really don't have an anger song. Not anymore anyway. When I was in high school/college and I would get upset or frustrated.....I did have "go to" band and song. I remember spending many teen angsting hours on my bed with the record player cranked (yes...again I said record player), listening to this particular song. Even today....on certain occasions when frustration seems to be my only friend (you like the self pity in those words?) I will still turn up the volume on Boston and listen to More Than a Feeling!

So go out and enjoy the rest of this afternoon. Here is hoping you have a fantastically happy hump day. Happy Wednesday!

Birth Certificate and The Customer is Always Right

And so we dive face first into another less than glorious day in Lisaland. Today has turned to crap at my own hands and you have no idea how much it pains me to say that. First of all...our regularly scheduled appointment was canceled. Fine....we just decided to go get Z's license then. We get there and because we have no birth certificate, he can't get his license. If we don't get said license by tomorrow, then it will be a year before Z can get his restricted. Okay....to be completely fair, and yes...tell on myself,  I have known that a bc was required to get his license. At least that is what it said in the paperwork. I did look for his bc too, but I can't find his original nor a copy anywhere. I know I have it...I just don't know where. Z has been on me to order a new one, but I procrastinate....constantly....and guess what.....I didn't order him a new bc. Thiry told me however that she didn't think I needed a bc, so in Lisaland, Thiry's word obviously trumps any official information on paper, so we went without a bc to the DMV this morning. Guess what???? We needed a bc! Z is fit to be tied and I really can't say I blame him (don't anyone dare tell him that I said that)! So tonight I get to go home and tear my house apart looking for said bc. If in fact I do not find it, I will suffer the wrath of Z and he will be justified in his anger. Darn my procrastinative nature!!!!

When you start out like that....things sometimes just take a natural progression downward. That has been the case today! It seems as if this is our Monday this week. Every customer that has come in has wanted to argue. The good thing is.....all situations have been defused and all is well....sort of! The problem with working at a computer store is, most people know just enough about computers to be dangerous. Dangerous as in they can totally wreck their computer and then blame us! We have several people who no matter what we tell them they like to trek off to known virus sites and refuse to protect their computer. Then when their computer is reinfected time and time again....somehow this is our fault. Actually...."my" fault as I am the one who has to deal with them. On most days I do fine and remember that no matter how wrong they are....the customer is always right, but on days like today....that is a little more difficult to remember. So far I have maintained my cool....but I do feel the ugly coming to the surface. Guess it is a good thing that I leave at 3!

The upside to my day was that once again.....I got my Wendy's salad. Wouldn't you know that food would be my upside! At least it was healthy food. Although a great big ice cream cone is sounding pretty awesome about right now. In fact I hear Braum's calling my name.  Luckily for my waistline....Braum's is too far down the road for me to want to travel today. You see, along with my ability to procrastinate....I also have a lazy streak about a mile wild, and sometimes....that comes in handy.

It is now time for the 30 Day Song Challenge. Today's challenge? Day 19: A song from your favorite album. This album goes back to my jr. high years. I remember a kid in my class brought this album to a library listening time we had and I was in love. This group has remained one of my favorites throughout time but this album is the best of the best for me. Here is Grand Illusion by Styx from the album of the same name.

Here's wishing you the best of Tuesdays! Happy Tuesday everyone!

What Writing Means To Me

Wow....another two fer. Yep it is play along with Blogger Idol time again. I love this weeks assignment. It is: What Writing Means to You (Me!) It also said to read two other blog pieces that had been written about this subject, but I decided against that until after I wrote mine. I really didn't want anyone elses thoughts or ideas to subconsciously become mine. I wanted this piece to be ALL me.

What writing means to me? I have been writing since the moment that I learned to put two or three words together to form a sentence. Once I learned that what I imagined in my mind could be transferred to paper and shared, I was hooked. When I was young, if you had asked me what writing meant to me, I would have said it meant telling stories so others could read them. When I was older and had learned a little more about the craft and realized that I did actually have some ability in the writing arena, I would have told you that writing meant being able to make someone laugh or cry with just the right words. I loved knowing that something I made up in my own head could translate to a certain emotion in someone else. Perhaps it was the control freak in me, or my amazing love of words that made me start feeling that writing was not just a hobby, but a true passion. I ate, drank and slept writing....with my mind constantly darting to what my next story, my next paragraph and sometimes even my next word would be. I always knew that regardless of where I ended up or what I would do in life, writing would always be a part of it. I have not been wrong.

As I have gotten older and life has blessed me with an abundance of experiences, ideas and stories...writing now means different things to me. Sometimes writing is how I get through a particularly tough situation. It is both painful and healing to see a difficult life experience on paper. Painful because sometimes it takes a lot of strength to delve as deeply as you need to go to form just the right words.... and healing because once those words are out there, they are no longer eating away on the inside looking for a way to get out. Sometimes writing for me now is personal as I have learned to express opinions concisely, respectfully and yet still directly enough that one might walk away if not agreeing with me, at least respecting my point of view. And finally....I still love the fact that as time has gone on, I can still make someone feel something when I write. I can make people laugh, sometimes cry, occasionally make someone down right angry, and every once in awhile, make someone think.

To me, if you have skill with the written word, you hold the world in your hand for you have the ability to create anything from the most heart wrenching poetry to a song whose words linger in your mind. You can teach, create mental pictures and take a reader on a ride of vivid emotion. To me....writing is laughter, tears, pain, misery, joy, passion and desire. In other words, to me.....writing is everything!