Activism, Changing the World and Finding Common Ground

Activism has been taking a step out of the dark and showing itself in the light of day, in my town of late. From adults to high school students, people have been letting their voices be heard on issues, and in several cases, they have had to step out of their comfort zones and risk community backlash and school fallout, all in the name of standing up for what they feel is right. Regardless of our personal feelings on any given issue, how can we not support the right of free speech and activism, when someone is brave enough to let their voice be heard in the name of doing what they think is right?

Maybe it is that we are spending more time on the internet and social media. Maybe it is that we have lost a year in lockdown. And maybe it is that since 2008 we have gotten way more political. I am not sure what all goes into it, but the fact is, if you look at social media, and even the world around you, and it seems that EVERYONE is an activist of some sort these days. 

Not a day goes by that you don't see posts supporting or decimating the left or the right. Wearing masks and quarantining has become a huge hot button. Literally, everyone has a position on masks and if you have an opinion on the subject and speak it openly one way or another, you will quickly find out just who your opposition is. 

From kneeling at sporting events and racism to LGBTQ+ issues and abortion, social media has given everyone a voice, but what do we do with that voice? Are we using our voice and our activism for the good? Are we making the world a better place with our right to free speech, or are we steadily stomping it into the ground because we forget that our voice is not the only voice, our beliefs are not the only beliefs and our opinions are not the only opinions. We don't listen anymore. We don't hear, we don't show respect for other points of view and at the end of the day, we simply don't care about anyone's voice but our own? I think we forget that when we stop listening and refuse to hear, then we stop learning, and when we stop learning, we cease having an educated opinion, and thus.....we can't change a damn thing. 

Now, I will be the first one to admit, that this world has issues. Some of them could be catastrophic if they aren't worked on and fixed, but how do you fix something when no one can agree on what the fix needs to be and just how to go about that fix? Well, according to millions of social media users, you go online and you name call, insult, and degrade each other, and I guess, hope that the loudest most obnoxious voice wins. If however, you decided to take your views to the streets, then you demand change by wrecking, destroying, and threatening. Neither way seems to be working and our world is still a mess and getting worse. 

The fact is, for every group trying to find a fix, whether I agree with them or not, they have a grievance and they feel unheard, disrespected and they are angry and frustrated, and at the end of the day, even if our viewpoints are different, they do deserve to be heard. Just think, someone does not have to agree with pro-life views, but if those with differing opinions just stopped and respectfully listened and actually heard pro-life individuals respectfully give their views, then there still might not be agreement, but there just might be a little more understanding and respect on both sides. Notice that respect always plays a key role in this. 

It is that way with any two-sided issue. I don't care what the issue is, at the very least, there is always room for improvement and at the most, an issue may need a complete overhaul. That won't happen though unless all involved can agree on what the problems are, the goals they are working towards, and the path they wish to take to get the greatest desired results. It also means that they may not have all the answers and so if they are willing to listen and learn, they may actually gain some useful information from very unexpected places. 

There are literally as many world, country, state, and city, community causes, and issues as there are humans living on this earth. Many of them could have a huge positive impact on us if we worked to unify rather than divide and if we treated each other as respected equals regardless of whether we agreed on everything, what we looked like, how we prayed, how much money we had, where our ancestors came from, who we sleep with or what our sex is. 

Now I have never been a get out and carry a sign type activist. For one, my life is really not ideally set up for such time investment away from home, and two, I have always found that I do my best work with my words and a little behind the scenes maneuvering. In other words, I don't necessarily need to be seen in order to be heard and get my voice out there. There is also a somewhat better chance of my voice and my message being heard if it's in the written word. This is not to say though, that there isn't a time and place for a truly peaceful protest on occasion, or to make your presence known at a town hall or school board meeting. We need to remember though, that you can't expect others to hear your message of positive change when your actions are nothing but negative. 

So how do we change things? How do we start making this world and our own little piece of it better? We listen. We start showing respect for each other. We accept that we don't all have to think alike or agree, we just have to be willing to look for common ground. We don't need to destroy or riot to fix things. We don't have to degrade or insult other people or viewpoints just to get our point across, and a hugely important fact, no matter what we think.....we aren't always right. So let's start small. Often real change comes from the smallest seed and it can start right at home. 

Let's start with our kids. Let's teach them to be kind. Let's teach them to identify when there is a need and to act upon it and help others. Let's teach them to pick up the trash at the park instead of walking past it or adding to it. Let's teach them that regardless of what is going on in the world, that the foundation of this country is freedom and we are so blessed to be one of the few countries in the world to have such freedom. Let's teach them to be proud of who they are and where they come from and that we are all different in our own way and those differences should be celebrated and respected. Let's teach them that the important things are character, hard work, and the desire to achieve. Let's teach them that while we may all be created equal, that at times life is simply not fair. Sometimes we have to pull up our big kid pants, deal with the circumstances at hand, and move forward. Let's teach them that it's not the easy things in life that make us stronger, but the really hard things that do. Let's teach them that in real life, no one gets a participation trophy. You have to work hard for and earn everything you get but it is oh so worth it. And finally, let's teach them that if they want respect, they must give respect, and first and foremost, they must respect themselves. When kids respect themselves, they seldom feel the need to disrespect or bully others.  

Now if we are fortunate enough to get these lessons out there to our kids, then already we are going to be way ahead of the game. The next step is our own neighborhoods. Check on your neighbors. If you see someone's lawn is overgrown and no one is mowing it, go check on them. Perhaps there is a reason it is overgrown. Perhaps they can use a little help. So get out there and mow it. If your neighbor loses his job, bring him groceries. Ask if he needs help writing a resume. Ask if they need help watching the kids while he is job hunting. Finally, work together to keep your neighborhood clean and safe and keep an eye on each other. A good nosey neighbor or two can do wonders to keep crime down and streets safe in most neighborhoods. 

Then take it to the community. Go to your local police stations and get to know the officers. Introduce your kids and let them know what the job of the police officer is and teach them to respect the badge and the person wearing it because they put their lives on the line every single day. Make sure that your kids understand that while yes, there are some bad people in all walks of life, that the majority of police are good and have only the best interest of the community at heart as they do their jobs. Also, make sure that you shop locally in your community and help keep your dollars where they are needed. Support local businesses and be willing to give a new struggling business more than one chance. Know who your city or community council members are as well as your local board of education. Keep up on what is going on in the community and if you disagree with something going on, then respectfully voice your opinion for change. Most importantly, show up and vote. 

For your state....pay attention to what's going on. Know your governor and your state representatives. Follow legislation in your state and keep up on issues. If there are things going on in your state government that you don't agree with, then never be afraid to email or call your state representatives. They need to hear your voice as they work for you, not the other way around. Talk to friends and neighbors in your state and make them aware of what is going on too. Let them also know how to make contact with state leaders. Change does not happen without work and sometimes that work means stepping outside your comfort zone. Again....show up and vote. 

In your country....know your senators. Always be vocal when it comes to change, no matter which side of the issue you are on. Support causes physically when possible and when it's not, a few dollars never hurts. Know the issues and keep up with what is going on in Washington D.C., and never underestimate the power of strongly worded emails and blogs. Get the facts on important issues and not just Facebook facts. Do your own research and get more than one viewpoint on any issue. Listen to what others are saying, but at the end of the day, it is okay to view a situation differently and to support those things which go along with your beliefs, morality, and ethics. Most of all, we need to remember that if we want real positive change, WE DON'T ALL HAVE TO AGREE, but we do need to respectfully find common ground from which we can grow from. That usually means that both sides have to give a little for the best interest of the common cause. And again....VOTE!

If we do these things and encourage others to do them too, it is my belief, that things will begin to change for the better and the world will begin to become a better and more positive place for all of us. 

Activism starts on the most basic level with our kids. When they are taught kindness, charity, respect for themselves and others (whether we all agree or not), and pride in themselves, their neighborhood, community, state, and country, then we have already circumvented a lot of future issues. 

Maybe part of the problem is that we see each other as rivals, competitors, and enemies. Instead, if we reached out to each other, helped each other, and were willing to listen and work with each other, we might see each other as friends, neighbors, and fellow human beings. It is much easier to find common ground with a fellow human being than it is with an enemy.

Peaceful protests, picket signs, and marching in the streets demanding our voices be heard above everyone else's is fine and it even has its place, but sometimes, the subtle little things can be even more powerful than we ever imagined. By being kind in the face of hate and disrespect, and reaching out even if the person you reach out to might not do the same for you, can have miraculous results. Voicing your opinion with respect and listening to opposing views with just as much respect, and remembering that each of us is a human being and we all have our story and our reasons for believing as we do, now that is positive activism that can move mountains, soften hearts and make people willing to ask questions, learn and find common ground even with the toughest issues.  

So be that activist and stand strong for what you believe, but always remember that the guy on the other side of the issue is also standing strong for what he believes too, and unless we start to listen to each other, really hear each other, and are willing to give a little and work towards unity in the middle, we are going to forever remain fractured and divided on the fringe where absolutely nothing changes and nobody wins.

Until next time....I wish you peace, kindness, and the ability to always find some common ground.  

That Time of Year

Yesterday was the 30th Anniversary of the Andover tornado. It is a memory that will be with me forever. It was one of those events in life that I will always remember every detail of the day, right down to the way the air felt and how it smelled. So the following blog piece in no way makes light of the power of a tornado or the damage that it can do. It simply says that yes, they do happen, but to live in fear of Mother Nature is futile, so find the beauty and yes, even the excitement in the storm, and then use your head and take precautions....and really, isn't that how we should handle everything in life?  

It's that time of year. Yep, it is tornado season in Tornado Alley. As scary as that may sound to some, to many of us who actually live here, this time of year is rather exciting. No......that is not crazy talk. 

In the midwest, from late March to mid-June, it is prime time for spring storms that often work themselves into major tornadic events. It is a changing of the seasons where warm and cold air meet, causing atmospheric changes that result in amazing light shows across the sky, and much-needed rain for the new life coming up out of the ground after a long winter's sleep. To be honest, I think this is actually my favorite time of year. 

Yes, I have seen a good many tornados in my life and lived through some pretty crazy near misses over the years. I have also seen the aftermath of those giant tornadic beasts once they have been unleashed on homes, neighborhoods, and even towns. It is not a sight you will soon forget, and yet many after living through such a thing, will often go right back to where it happened and rebuild, and life will go on. How brave of them of them you say? No, they just know that no place is without its dangers, and even in the heart of Tornado Alley, most never face a tornado head-on, so if you happen to be in its path and the worst does happen, what are the chances of it happening again? Don't you love our mid-western logic? 

That being said, there is something electric about this time of year. Maybe it is the fact that everything is starting fresh and new. Everything is coming into color again as the black and white of winter fades into the background. The heat of the sun starts mixing with the humidity of spring days and before you know it, you can literally feel when a storm is brewing. I remember my mom used to just know when we were going to have storms. She always said she could "feel" it. As a kid, I had no idea what she was talking about, but as I grew older and lived through many storm seasons myself, I too learned what it was like to "feel" a storm coming. 

My mom wasn't the only one who knew when storms were on the horizon though. Our dogs over the years have always been pretty amazing indicators of incoming storms. When I was young we had an outside dog, who you couldn't drag in the house if you wanted to, except if bad storms were headed in. He knew they were coming long before we did and he let us know by making a mad dash inside the house if the door was opened. He was never wrong. Nowadays, we have a part Rottweiler part Boxer who is a yard and garage dweller. He has no desire to be indoors as he loves his leisurely days outdoors (nor matter the season) and if the elements bother him, he has a nice cozy bed in the garage. He is one content pup until there are storms in the air. On these occasions, you open the door and he dives past you and runs straight to the basement. He wants no part of the outside. My corgi too is affected by storms. As he has gotten older, storms bother him more and more, and long before I even am aware of a storm, he begins pacing and whining. He too wants to be in the basement, a place he usually avoids at all cost. These dogs just know. 

Me on the other hand, when I feel that electricity in the air as the heat and humidity meet, it makes my heart race a little faster. It is an adrenaline rush that goes clear to my bones. It is a feeling I have felt my entire life and I actually look forward to it each year. In a strange way, it makes me feel alive. Maybe it is because the long winter months are over and this time of year is all about life. 

As I have gotten older though, I have also noticed that with storms in the air, you can tell a definite change in people's attitudes too. Kids seem to be more restless and a lot less cooperative and adults get cranky and combative. It also affects my head. I think it has to do with the barometric pressure, but the older I get, the more these storms seem to trigger my migraines. If social media is any indication, I am not the only one. 

When these storms do hit, even in the fury that they can sometimes bring, there is also a beauty. There is just something about the thunder rumbling and then booming a crescendo and watching the lightning dancing across the sky in streaks, sometimes dipping straight down to the ground that make me feel as if I am looking at some of God's greatest works. And there is just something so stirring about watching the rain fall at times softly and then suddenly in torrents as if the skies were opened, and then finally the wind comes to play. These magnificent storms seldom come without the wind, twisting the leaves on trees and bending branches at times to their breaking point. The wind will grab the rain and send it sideways making it almost feel like it could cut you if you stayed in it too long. The air literally swirls with electricity and anticipation as you wait and wonder what Mother Nature has yet to give in the next moments. Usually, it is just a light show illuminating rotating clouds that hold the question, will they continue gearing up for the emergence of a tornado, or will they just rapidly move on by, leaving their possible devastation for another day? 

After the storm, there is usually quiet. Often the sun peaks through the dark, ominous clouds as they move on to their next destination. The raindrops glisten in the beams of light and the air begins to heat up again after the cooling rain. It's as if every leaf, plant, and blade of grass seem to stand a little taller and a little brighter after the soaking rain and the air smells clean and new. Everything is not only alive but it seems to be thriving, even after such a storm. As quickly as the storm began, it is gone and all is settled. The animals are calm, the kids calm down, adults seem to lose their "stormy" attitudes and even my headaches seem to subside. The world is cleansed and it feels almost like a peace is settling in. Is it any wonder I am so infatuated with this time of year?

Now I know that severe storms and possible tornadoes are not everyone's cup of tea, just like a hurricane and strong earthquakes would not be mine, but if you look, and I mean really look, there is beauty in the worst of things and it seems to me more so, in those that have as much potential to cause disaster as they do to bring forth life. 

So the next time that you hear that there is potential for severe storms and tornados in my neck of the woods, just know that around here, kids are fussy, adults are fussier, the dogs are heading for the basement and my heart is racing with anticipation, just waiting for that first rumble, first flash and those first drops..... of soul healing rain.

Do you like storms like I do? If so, tell me about it in the comments. Until next time, stay safe, stay healthy and look for beauty everywhere....even in the storms. 

Lies! Lies! Lies!

I can't speak for everyone, but one of the things that I personally can't stand is being lied to. It brings on such a feeling of disrespect, not to mention the trust issues it causes. I immediately feel as if I am somehow not worthy of them being honest with me. It's a horrible feeling and it can cause unending problems and issues in a group or relationship. 

The fact is though, we ALL lie! I would even go so far as to say, that there is not one person walking around that hasn't told some form of lie. I say some form of a lie because while all lies are Commandment breakers, I don't believe that all lies are created equal. 

Some lies are premeditated and told with the intent of avoiding a consequence or consequences that the truth might bring or to change a person's perception of another person, place, thing, or issue. Lies can be a way to manipulate, redirect, undermine or even destroy, so they are usually lies with an agenda. These lies are biggies and they can be damaging to relationships and if found out, can destroy everything in their path. 

Other lies are what some may call little white lies (LWL). Now LWL usually aren't premeditated. In fact, they are often told on the spur of the moment, when someone is faced with a question where they either don't want an issue caused that the truth might spark, they don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or they feel as if the truth could be more damaging than a lie. Some might call these altruistic lies, but yes, they are lies nonetheless. 

Then there are the liars. Like lies, not all liars are created equal. There are the liars that will lie about anything and they are good at it. In fact, with this kind of liar, you can almost guarantee that at least 75% of what comes out of their mouths is steeped in some form of dishonesty and if you have to deal with them, you also have to work your way around the land mines of their lies. These liars are exhausting, but often charming to the point that you really want to believe them, even when you know better.  

What is worse than the 75%er though, is the liar that is so good at lying, that they buy into their own lies. Their lies are based on what they want the truth to be and not what the truth actually is. The minute they tell that lie, they literally convince themselves that the lie is now the truth. In fact, they convince themselves so thoroughly, that in some cases, they can pass a lie detector test. This is a scary liar because you are never sure of the truth with them and often this kind of liar suffers from emotional or mental issues that cause them to take solace in or hide behind lies rather than face the truth. They are considered "pathological" and many abusers, criminals, and even serial killers are in fact, pathological liars. 

Finally, there is the liar who is just horrible at it. Yes, they can tell the occasional LWL, but it is with great effort and even greater guilt, If they even attempt a bigger lie though, they usually get caught immediately because of their words, eyes, body movements, and demeanor. Often this liar will admit guilt before anyone is even sure they actually lied. In my humble opinion, if you gotta be a liar, this is the kind of liar to be, because these liars seldom lie at all. It is just too stressful for them.  

The fact is that we all can see ourselves in one of these types of liars and we have also all told one or more of the kinds of lies above. We likely have also gotten caught in a lie and had to live with the consequences of such, and may have even hurt or destroyed someone or something in the process. There is also a tremendous likelihood that we have all been on the receiving end of one of these lies and like it or not, regardless of who told the lie or the intent behind it, chances are great, that we lost a bit of future trust in the liar. The bottom line is that lies never bode well for anyone as the truth always has a funny way of coming out. 

Now, why am I talking about liars today? Your guess is as good as mine. Funny story though, I learned a long time ago, that if I even have an ounce of talent as a writer, that talent is not mine. It did not come from me at all. It came from God and therefore if He gave it to me, then He must have had a purpose and because of that, I try hard to listen to how He might want me to use said talent. Another funny story, I always get my best blog or story ideas in church or when I am out walking, just me, nature, and God. So today, as I was in Mass, I was silent. My heart was talking as there are always things going on in my life and world that I have no control over, so I hand them to God. Sometimes too, what is inside me is so jumbled up that I can't even put it into words, so I sit silently and let God hear my heart and take it from there. While sitting there today, some situations from the past hit me like a ton of bricks. They were distant situations that have a direct effect on the present and what is currently going on in my life. Then it came to me that part of the problem with the past situation is that lies were involved. They were lies told out of frustration and anger and yes.....even resentment. They were lies nonetheless and even though the truths came out long ago, the memories and the damage of the lies have remained to this day affecting everyone involved....thus, part of what I have handed to God. The trip down memory lane left me with two words, "lies" and "liars." The words wouldn't leave me, and before I knew it, I was sitting there writing this blog in my head. This happens more than you would think, and when it does, whether I know why or not, I know that this is what I am supposed to write about ASAP. So where this is going, I have no idea, but I guess by the time I am done, we will all know. 

As bad as lies are, and as much damage as they do, the truth is, we have become so desensitized to lies, lying and liars that we don't always even recognize a lie as a lie, or a liar as a liar. In the world we live in, lies are the norm from government, to the news media,  and from social media to our workplaces and even in our homes. There is not a day that goes by, that if we turn on the tv, our computers or just interact with other human beings, that a lie does not cross our path. In a sad way, we have normalized it and even taken on a rather sick ideal that the truth really doesn't matter if we don't agree with it, or moreover, we can simply change "the truth," to fit our ideology or agenda and then the lie becomes our truth. (Remember the term pathological?) With this kind of thinking, lies become less of a bad thing or a sin, and more of a way of doing business, serving an agenda, and getting by. Justify much? 

So yes, lies were told many years ago. I could say that there were extenuating circumstances, but the fact is, that is just a way of justifying the lies. Looking back, I can't help but wonder how things might have turned out if the lies were never uttered. I know the truth would have caused anger....a lot of anger, and I know that the lies were told in part to avoid that, but regardless of intent, even after the truth came out, the end result was years of feeling betrayed, angry, mistrusting, and an inability to forgive. It left permanent scars on the liar and the one on the receiving end of the lies and today, it still causes ripples of anger and unending issues. 

Looking back, no intent or justification was worth the lifelong damage that the lies cost, and since the past cannot be changed, one can only hope that the lessons involved with all of this, were well learned so that in the future, the past will not be repeated. 

Lies and liars may not all be created equally, but lies are never a good thing and liars always get caught eventually. It sets such precedence that trust shatters, even while lies become acceptable. However, we all know that we can't accept the unacceptable even if we feel that it will change people's minds on something, support an agenda or get someone out of trouble. In the end, the truth will always come out as lies never truly stay hidden, and the fallout is usually far greater than the original truth would ever have been. 

Maybe my purpose in writing this today is to do a little cathartic therapy on my own life and also to put out into the world, that to lie is not just to deceive, but it also damages, even destroys and in the end, can leave us with scars that can never be forgotten and in some cases, never forgiven either. 

So until next time.....I hope you stay peaceful, joyful and that you remember, the worst truth is better than the best lie. 

A Little Catch-up, A Few Lessons and A Whole Lot of Grace

 Just a little catch-up. 

This year so far (2021) has been an interesting one for me personally. Starting in November of 2020, I decided to work on putting myself first a little bit more. I also decided that I needed to be a little gentler with myself and not hold myself to such rigid standards. I needed to give myself some much-needed grace. Goodness knows that I have always been my own worst enemy. So far, we are now in mid-April, and I am still fighting the good fight and keeping myself in a forward-moving motion but not punishing myself if I stumble. That is definitely progress.

They say with age comes wisdom. I'm not sure if that is true or not, but one thing I seem to be learning deep down inside and not just on the surface is, I have to do things that make me happy, make me smile, and make me feel good. If I don't, then I can't help to make others happy, smile, or feel good. What I put out to the world needs to be the best of me, and that is what I am trying to achieve.

This last year has taught me a great deal about life, from the people that I have lost to the times when my time was not my own. Some things I learned were; if a young girl can live a lifetime of good, caring, and giving in 18 short years, then what have I done with my life having been given decades more time than she had? I also learned (in case there was ever a doubt) that I was never meant to be a teacher (especially where math is concerned), and that teachers deserve so much credit for showing up every day and not crying. 

One slightly shocking lesson that came from all of this, was that being in a lockdown or quarantine situation affected me very little because apparently, I live like I am in quarantine all the time. Who knew? Another fun fact I've learned about me....masks make me hot from the top of my head to my toes and if you put a mask on my mouth and nose, I will sweat clear through my clothes. This makes any public situation where masks are required, a sweaty mess. Yeah, and I smell pretty too! 

After much thought and introspection, I also learned that I need to be brave and spend this second part of my life, never fearing to try new things, live my life as I choose and as fearlessly as I can, and to speak up and out whenever I know it is right. And finally, perhaps one of the greatest things I have learned is that I need to listen more, give more, talk less, and to remember that there is always something to be grateful for. 

Yes, that's a lot of lessons to learn, but 2020 was a really long year!  

So, if you know me at all, then you know that one of my greatest joys is to blog. Going forward, I hope to blog more. Sadly, these last couple of years, life has been so challenging at times, that being able to focus enough to blog on a regular basis has been difficult. I am hoping to change that, especially, since I am actually the proud blogger on four different blogs. Four you say? Yes! I have this one of course, which covers my life, my family, and just about everything I feel and believe. My second blog is about my son David who is differently-abled and who will be 21 this year. He is a bona fide miracle and his blog has spanned many many years and the many ups and downs of his life. The third blog is about health, nutrition, exercise, and how to do you, even if your nutrition isn't the best and exercise is a dirty word to you. Finally, my fourth and final blog has to do with my journey through Al-Anon and life as a mother with an addicted child. As you can see all of these blogs have different viewpoints and appeal to different audiences. That being said, they are all a part of me and they all deserve a little 2021 love, so as a way to make myself happier, and maybe even as a way to give back a bit, I hope to be doing more blogging throughout the rest of 2021. 

If you would like to follow one or all of my blogs or blog posts, but finding them all seems a bit daunting, I have a page on Facebook called The Lisa Blogs and if you click on The Lisa Blogs <<<here, it will take you to the page. You can follow/join the page and whenever a new blog post is made, it will show up there. Also, feel free to invite your friends, to share my blog posts, and to comment whenever the mood strikes your fancy. Writers love to live in the glow of those who appreciate their work. 

Mixed in with the blogging, my new found love of the gym (I have no idea where that came from), and my new found freedom since I am no longer the worlds worst math teacher, I have also done a great deal of cooking, trying new dishes and making things from scratch and canning. That definitely took me back to my younger years when I swore to my mom that, "When I am an adult, I will NEVER can." Never say never. I have also taken up sewing again. It has been years, but I have found a new love for it and have enjoyed making several things of late. I am still not the best at it, but again, I am working to be gentle with myself and to remember that each mistitch and mistake is a learning experience. 

So as you can tell, 2020 was a lesson dump and in 2021, I am trying to take each lesson in and learn from it. Some days are better than others, but on the not-so-great days, I give myself grace (a lot of grace), but I don't let myself run from my goals. Instead, I give myself a day and then I make myself get right back at it. It really has been a nice change in my life.

Going forward on here, I plan to continue to discuss some of my newfound lessons, to talk about life, to share my family (when they let me), and to touch on the things in the world that affect me. I hope that you come along for the ride and if you like what you read, that you invite others to come along too. 

Until next time, I hope you are happy, healthy, and able to live fearlessly in 2021.  

The Art of Being Nice.... as a Facebook Admin

 

You know, we hear a lot about being kind and I think that any more kindness is huge, especially after everything we have all been through in the last few years. What we don't talk much about, however, is just being plain old nice. 

Yes, there is a difference between being kind and being nice. When you are kind, it usually has to do with specifics, but being nice should be a day-by-day, minute-by-minute thing. An example is social media. From time to time I see people reach out and be kind, especially when a crisis of some sort has occurred, but what I don't seem to see a lot of, is people just being nice on the regular.  

I am an admin on quite a few Facebook pages with varying themes and issues. Two of the pages I admin are local pages for my hometown. Now one of those pages runs like a dream. In fact, in all the years I have admined it, I can count on one hand with fingers left over, the times anyone has gotten out of line or been rude on that page. On the other hand, the other local page is often a free-for-all of adults trying to outdo themselves with rudeness, hatefulness, and downright disrespect. Literally, someone can say "the sky is blue," and you will have dozens of comments arguing and contradicting over what color "they" think the sky truly is. Add in a twenty-something kid or two who are bored and like to troll for his/her own amusement, and we have had some pretty interesting moments in this group. It has been going on for years. 

Now don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, because I dearly love this group and it can be downright hilarious at times watching fully grown adults (no kids are allowed for obvious reasons) name call each other, over talk each other, and finally resort to all kinds of playground nouns that at times would make a sailor blush. In the beginning, I used to try to have some rules which for the most part, toned the behaviors down, but about two years ago, I got tired of trying to tell adults how to behave properly. I mean goodness knows, if their mama's and daddies couldn't teach them how to behave, then common sense said, my rules didn't stand a chance. 

The group page has somewhere close to 5000 people, and since we are a small town and I have lived here for well over 40 years, I either know everyone on the page personally or at the very least, through their longtime interaction in the group and trust me, this group has a little bit over every kind of human  residing in its little microcosm. Over the years, I have had some form of interaction with almost everyone in the group, and saying this, there is absolutely not one person that I can honestly say, I don't like. This brings me to the purpose of this blog. 

Last night in said group, there was a bit of a dust-up, funny enough, started by me, in a truly innocent way, that ended up hitting one of the group members wrong and then by extension, one of her friends. Before it was all said and done though, I tried to put myself in the offended person's shoes, owned my part which I was still a little foggy on, apologized, and then moved on. Of course, this is never the end of anything in this group. For the next hour or so, I had numerous people messaging me and letting me know how they felt about the whole thing. Turns out, no one else seemed to feel that I posted anything rude, which eased my mind a bit, but if one perceived it as rude, then I as admin did what I needed to calm the waters and promote momentary peace.  At any rate, it was a long night and this morning I found a funny meme with a smiling face mask, being pulled off the exhausted face of Jane Jetson (don't ask, just look her up), with the caption, Me after a long day of pretending to like people. My own comment was "I really do like all of you (most days)," with a sarcastically smiling emoji. It was a joke of course and most took it the way it was intended, but there is always one whose perception is just a little bit different........

One person, of course, took it as me being two-faced I guess and was not afraid to bring that to my attention. I was on the treadmill at the gym when I read it, and I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the dang thing and caused several to look and see if the wheezing I was doing was cause for alarm. It never ceases to amaze me what people can read into things, but then again, that's what makes us all unique I guess. 

One thing for sure about being the admin of a lively, outspoken group is that you must have extremely thick skin. Blessedly I do, thanks to my upbringing and my dad's "nicknames." I am pretty dang hard to upset, offend or make mad, but it is not because some in this group have not tried. Let's just say that the whole me liking everyone in the group is not always reciprocated.....and you know what? That is perfectly okay.  

What others think of me is seldom an issue. What God might think of me, what my family thinks of me (most of them anyway), and what I think of me, are all I worry about. That being said though, if someone is so angry at me or my words that they come after me, then I usually try to dig a little deeper and find out why. No, not because I want them to like me, but because most people are angry and hateful because they don't feel listened to or respected and thus they lash out. While lashing out, they give no real details other than to tell me I am "rude", "hateful" or some other equally sweet adjective. So then I start asking them what they think about the subject at hand, or maybe explain my own words a little more carefully. This lets them know that I actually care about what they think and feel and whether they like me or not,  I really do care what they think about the subject at hand. I believe this is called being nice and I have taken crap for that too. 

When I talk to people in everyday life, whether it is social media or face to face, I always try to communicate in the same way that I myself would wish to be communicated with. I try never to be aggressive and always to be respectful because, in my experience, people tend to shut down and quit listening after the first f-you. I also try to listen before I speak, because little fun fact, my opinion is not always right and if I listen before I start running my mouth, then I might just save myself from embarrassment and another public apology. This, however, does not always mean that when I do speak that I will agree with them, and I will likely tell them that, but I try hard to do it in a way where they can hear me and understand that I simply feel differently. Oh, and just because I don't agree with someone, doesn't mean I don't like them. Liking someone and agreeing with them are not mutually exclusive. I find that many adults have not quite grasped that concept yet. 

There are also cases, where I speak my mind, maybe even bluntly, with no intended disrespect involved. Just because others don't agree, doesn't mean I will change my stance to appease them, but it also doesn't mean I will insult or belittle them for feeling differently. 

The hardest thing though is when I post something and someone reads something insulting or "rude" into the post that was never intended. It would be nice to think that those in the group have known me long enough to know that rude and hateful just aren't my thing, but that is never a given. It then does me no good to say, "I didn't intend to be rude" because let's face it, perception is all that matters. It then becomes a bit of a tightrope to navigate the waters between the perceived and the intended. It usually always ends up with me apologizing for their perception. 

Now don't get me wrong. I am no saint and there have definitely been times that my fingers have typed faster and more aggressively than my brain. For the most part, though, I realized a long time ago, that if you want to be talked to with respect, then you show respect. You also don't have to like everyone you come in contact with, but why be hateful just because someone else is not your cup of tea? Because of this, I try to put myself in other's shoes and maybe see things from their point of view, even if I don't agree with them. I will never name-call, or insult and I try to speak only after I have listened. I do all of this because if I want to see change, then I have to be the change. Some days I am better at it than others. 

As for my beloved group. Yes, I say beloved, because, to me, they truly are. The group has quiet ones that seldom post but always read, cranky oldsters, twenty-somethings who think that their trolling is absolutely the funniest thing, gossips, gripers, and nosey old souls who simply show up for the drama. Each and every one of them has made me smile at one time or another, and all of them are good-hearted and generous, even if their group posts don't always indicate it. The quiet ones will always just show up when they know they are needed, the cranky oldsters will give you real-world advice, the twenty-something trolls will mow your yard, pull your car out of a ditch or help bail water in a flood. The gossips will always make sure that if someone is in need, then everyone knows and shows up to help, the gripers will gripe until something gets done, and the nosey old souls will make sure that we are all safe. I find something wonderful about each of them and they are why I love being the admin to the group. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, it is possible to be a Facebook admin and be nice. It is also possible to post in general on Facebook and be nice. It is possible to disagree with someone and be nice and it is quite possible to just be a nice human being on the regular. 

May you all have a wonderful weekend and a very Happy Easter. Until next time.......

COVID....Moving Forward and Leaving Behind

 

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since the great toilet paper shortage of  2020. It has also been almost a year since the country began shutting everything down and made masks the new accessory that goes with absolutely nothing. 

No, I am not going to be talking about whether to wear a mask or not nor am I going to talk about the politics of COVID, the misinformation, or even about what it has done to the economy. That is all in the past. What I am going to talk about though, is the here and now and what our world looks like going forward. 

One of the areas in this country that COVID and COVID precautions have done a number on are our schools. Schools across the country have shut down and gone to mostly online classes and kids have suffered. They have lost true socialization, they have felt confined and many have quit school because, with so many working parents, many high school kids have not had the daily motivation to keep going. Aside from that though, having no school has been hard on the mental health of kids. Kids were not designed to be on lockdown, as they are social beings. Without the social interaction and the ability to have time away from home and family, this causes big emotions in the already hormonal kids that can have side effects such as self-harm and even suicide. We are creating situations that we might not be able to step back from. 

In my town last year, we quarantined like everyone else and after spring break, our kids finished the year online. This school year, our school board did their best to stay within the state guidelines and to also give parents a choice of how they felt comfortable with their kids learning. Kids could either do a hybrid schedule, where kids went to school half the day and did online school the other half, or they could do full-time online. Most parents have been satisfied with the choice. Of late, though, with the new state guidelines and things beginning to open up a bit, many hybrid parents have been pressing to fully opening up the schools again. They don't care if the kids have to wear masks and wash their hands 100 times a day, they feel their kids need full-time school, and quite frankly, so do the parents. So, our school district has now offered a new option for the last nine weeks. Kids can go full days or online. The hybrid option is basically no longer on the table. Many parents are jumping at this. Of course, though, there are those parents who are NOT happy with the all-day option as they still feel, it is too soon and the heated "discussions" have begun. 

So this brings me to the point of this blog. What is next?

My biggest concern when all of the COVID stuff started was, the fear I saw. Suddenly people became immensely afraid and many would not leave their homes. Those that did could be seen wearing at least one mask everywhere they went and some wore two. Some even wore full-on medical respirators and these people were not satisfied just wearing a mask themselves. They vehemently insisted that EVERYONE wear one too. This caused numerous online and in-person battles and showed the worst sides of people in general. Fear never brings out the best in people and a good percent of the population was scared right down to their skivvies. People were legitimately scared of dying from COVID. 

I myself though, was a little put off because of the hypocrisy in the whole mask thing, as many of these terrified people, just a couple of weeks before the mask mandates began, were the same people in stores with hundreds of others, coughing, sneezing and buying up all the toilet paper. The only fear they had at that moment, was that they might not get 25 packages of Charmin. Then, the mandate came about, and suddenly they were too frozen with fear to step out their front door, and definitely not without a mask. 

Now here we are all these months later, and there are those who still seem too afraid to even think about letting their kids, back in school or God forbid, going without a mask. So I guess my question is, when will people find it truly safe to get back to normal? What will it take? Will it ever even happen?

Sadly, my guess is that there are those out there permanently scarred by the last year and their fear, now rules them. To walk out into the open without a mask is unthinkable and not unlike many in China, going forward there may be those who never go out without a mask again. It is sad, but that is a choice they are making and if it makes them comfortable, then who am I to say anything?

The problem is, there have always been germs out there and viruses that have the potential to kill indiscriminately. For years, the flu has taken hundreds of thousands of lives and still we ate in crowded restaurants, went to concerts and big events, shopped Black Friday, and gathered in churches and schools, running fevers, coughing on each other, and rubbing our germ-ridden bodies up against each other without nary a thought. We didn't expect others to wear a mask to protect our health, nor did we expect the government, restaurants, stores, or schools to protect our health. This was the world we lived in and going back to normal, likely means going back to some version of this. After this last year though, there are those, that I doubt will ever be able to handle going back to this. Their fear of getting sick will far outweigh their enjoyment of life or a return to normalcy. 

For others though, they may have complied with the health mandates when necessary, but every chance they got, they maintained as normal a life as possible. This meant tossing the mask when possible and going out whenever they could, wherever they could. Many of these people also contracted COVID, recovered, and went right back to life. These are the people that have been living for the moment when the mandates are over and they can go to a concert, sing in church and shop Black Friday like it's their job.

Now please don't think that I don't know that COVID is real and in many cases, it has been debilitating and even deadly. It has taken people's health and their lives. But even for those who have not gotten the virus, it has also taken a lot. It has made it so that those in nursing homes have not seen their families and some have died never getting to say goodbye. It has kept families apart and left many who have died, without funerals. It has closed down businesses and left people unemployed. It has left families homeless and allowed the spread of abuse, addiction, and suicide. And for many, COVID has taken security, peace of mind, and the ability to function in a world that 14 months ago had been our norm all of our lives.  

So what will our post-pandemic world look like? I can't speak for anyone else, but I know how it will look for me. Before COVID was ever a thing, I wore a mask when I was sick during flu season. I always washed my hands and used good hygiene and I used common sense when I was sick and stayed home. I also tried hard to avoid big crowds during heavy cold and flu times. I imagine that my future looks much the same. 

I guess I am different than most. I never feared COVID. I stayed in and quarantined during the times we were trying to "flatten the curve," and I wore a mask out and about, but if others didn't, I never paid much attention. That was their business. I did get COVID, even using precautions and although it wasn't great, I can honestly say I have been much sicker having the flu. Had it, God forbid, killed me though, my family would not have blamed non-mask wearers, the stores I went to nor anyone else. It would simply have been my time and COVID would have been the way. 

So I am sure, sooner rather than later, the mandates will slowly fall away and the majority of people will start digging for some small part of the norm they left behind. Others though will fight for their security and be very angry that others aren't doing the same. It will be a sticking point that likely won't soon go away. It will just be part of the mess that COVID leaves behind. 

A Gargoyle....Put on a Santa Hat

Well, it goes without saying that 2020 had its challenges. It was a year that most of us had never seen the likes of, and one that most of us hope has no repeats any time soon. 

Going into 2021, we are seeing some carryover of the last year into the new one, and currently, my neck of the woods is seeing extreme cold. Add to that, some personal struggles my family is undergoing, and I am right now, not in a great headspace. To be exact, Resting Bitch Face could be not only my name but also my current real-world description. Ain't no one wants to be around RBF today. 

Perhaps because of my current outlook, I need a little writing therapy and while going through some past ideas, I found the perfect subject to write about. 

As I stated, 2020 had us all on edge and for many, it seemed to give license to "showing our butts" as my mother-in-law always likes to say. While many have kept their "butt showing" to social media on politics, COVID, and anything else that ticked them off, others have sported their tidy whities right out in public. So this blog piece is about a "Karen" neighbor in Ohio, who decided to show her butt when a fellow neighbor took to decorating her front porch in her own special Christmas style. 

Somewhere back in early December 2020, I was all but ignoring FB, because I was just sick of people. One day though, I was looking up something and I happened upon a FB post about of all things, a gargoyle. This gargoyle was not just any gargoyle though. His name was Frank. Now as gargoyles go, he was pretty ordinary, as he resided in Ohio, and he adorned (guarded) the front porch of one of the residents of their fair state. The porch was small and his presence was commanding, and since it was December, Franks owner (we will call her Franks Friend (FF) since I still don't know her name) decided to gussie Frank up for the holidays. I believe she gave him a Santa hat and scarf or something pretty low key like that. I mean why not? It was the Christmas season after all. 

Apparently, Franks festive look didn't sit right with everyone, and it wasn't long before an unnamed and apparently unknown neighbor (whom we will call "Karen," for obvious reasons) left a note on FF's front door, letting her know that Frank was not a proper Christmas decoration and that she and the neighborhood association did not approve. FF, being a woman after my own heart, decided that she and Frank would not allow a Karen to ruin their fun, so Frank was soon joined by other not classically Christmas friends. Karen, who seemed to think her word would be seen as law, was also not dissuaded as she continued to barrage FF with more notes of disapproval and threats of neighborhood action. The game was on. 

FF apparently found both the notes and Karen's outrage, amusing, and took to FB with a post telling the saga of Frank, Karen, and the ever-growing Christmas decorations on her small front porch. The post seemed to strike a note with everyone and within hours, her post was trending and she decided to give Frank the Christmas Gargoyle his very own FB page. It was a stroke of genius and within days, Frank had tens of thousands of followers. Frank's followers were treated to each new Christmas addition to the front porch and each new Karen outrage. People adored the creativity of each new Christmas porch friend and could hardly wait for Karen's next protest.  

Soon Franks Christmas friends included rats, skeletons, hippos, snowmen, a COVID virus, a character known as "the doc," nutcrackers, and many, many more. And with each addition, Karen became more incensed. It also became clear that Karen was probably not one of those who had stepped into the world of social media, as she seemed oblivious to the social media presence that Frank now held. It was also curious that she chose to quietly, under the mantle of dark, deliver her handwritten complaints about Franks holiday menagerie instead of blasting FF on FB like "normal" people do. 

As the saga continued, on occasion, FF would leave a message on the door for Karen to find. It usually humorously let Karen know that neither Frank nor FF were deterred by her nasty messages and that the fight for Christmas "Franks way," would continue on. It had also become quite apparent that Karen was alone in her complaining dislike, as FF never heard a word from the homeowners association. 

December continued on, and in a funny way, Frank and his porch friends seemed to have taken people's minds off the negative in the world and helped them to focus on something a little lighter. He also became a kind of anti-hero against all the "Karen's" in the world and all of those who kept telling us, "we have to do this," or "we can't do that." Through FF's act of defiance to Karen, she shared a bit of her rebellion with us all. 

As Christmas approached, people had started asking FF to start a public Amazon wish page, so that followers of Frank could help add to the front porch friends. FF could have done this and probably literally have caused Karen's head to explode, but instead, FF did the classiest thing I have ever seen. She said she could not take anyone's money like that, but what she did do was ask the 740,000+ fans and followers of the Frank the Christmas Gargoyle FB page, to give their money by sending donations to Foodbank, Inc, the local food bank in Ohio's Miami Valley. Within just a few hours, the food bank had received almost $50,000, and since, that amount has grown to almost $70,000. Frank, his front porch Christmas friends, FF, and even Karen, in spite of herself, had brought about a really great thing. 

After Christmas, Karen apparently had been made aware of Franks's FB page, all his many social media friends, and even her part in the mass charitable giving. She sent FF another note telling her that "they won," now could they please take down all the decorations. Not so fast...... FF, being the wise woman that she is, saw the ability for Frank to continue serving the local foodbank and those in need in Ohio. So now, Frank and friends are currently celebrating Valentine's day and spoiler alert.....Frank is in love. Frank is also preparing for Mardi Gras and St. Patty's day. My guess...Frank and friends have only just begun to celebrate in 2021, and we are going to be seeing a lot more of Karen's tidy whities. 

If you haven't checked out the Frank the Christmas Gargoyle FB page, you ought to. It is funny and light and shows that just because someone shows you hate, you don't have to return it. Perhaps that is a lesson we all could take away from Frank, FF and 2020, and spread throughout 2021. 

And all because.....one December day.....in Ohio.....a gargoyle....put on a Santa hat.