Racism, Murder...and White Privilege

I believe that I have stated before, that on my facebook page, I have many different friends and family members as facebook friends. Many of those friends and family hold far different views of everything from politics to views on the world, than I do. Because of this, there is often interesting debates/arguments on my personal fb page by those who don't always agree with my views. Sometimes I engage in the debates and sometimes I just take a pass for my mental health, but I always read each comment. It never fails though, after a heated discussion, there is always someone who will message me and ask me why I don't just unfriend those who are passionately opposed to my viewpoint. The answer is because, I always learn something from them. Yes, there are those who get a bit over zealous and get irritated because I refuse to let their view be mine, but truthfully, I have no stupid fb friends and therefore, I don't have to agree with what they have to say in order to learn from them.

The reason I bring this up is because one of those fb friends that I tend to butt heads with on occasion is one of my first cousins. She and I are close to the same age, but our lives have been vastly different. Other than our mother's being sisters and having some of the same blood coursing through our veins, we have very little in common and yet I find her so very interesting. She was born and raised in New York and that alone makes her view of the world, quite different from this Kansas girl. She is educated and very well traveled and she has seen and done things which my little mid-west heart could only dream of. She is every bit as liberal as I am conservative and at times, that makes us the epitome of oil and water. The funny thing is that I can post all day long about my immediate family, the weather or stupid memes that I find amusing and I hear nothing from her, but the second I post something political or with a viewpoint about something going on in the world (COVID-19, impeachment hearings, the George Floyd murder....you pick) and she usually has posted a comment before my fingers have even left the keypad. I had a friend tell me that they thought her rather rude to only comment on my opinion and not my actual life. On the contrary though, I take that as a huge compliment. She obviously finds my opinion or beliefs, at least interesting enough to comment on. Let's face it, other than my outspoken opinions at times....I'm just not that interesting. 

So yesterday, I made a post about George Floyds murder. Well, I didn't really say much, it was just an article about Officer Derek Chauvin and the other three officers who were fired because of their actions in the case. Now naturally, I think Chauvin and his crew deserved not only to be fired but to be tried and convicted of Mr. Floyds murder. I think this was a despicable act by a police officer(s) that held power over the public and chose to use that power in such a horrendous way. Being from the mid-west though, aside from the fact that I see this as murder, I may have also seen the whole situation in a different light than say someone from Minnesota......or New York. 

After reading about both the arrest and murder and also the victim and the police involved, I saw more than just a case of racism gone very bad. I saw a case of bad cops, who had consistently been bad cops, but who had never been held accountable for their actions. Everything I read, indicated that these men had been reported multiple times and still they had no record, no reprimands and worse, they were still on the streets. At the very least Chauvin should have been fired long ago and likely should have been in jail for his part in another "on the job" murder...and those officers who stood and watched Mr. Floyd's murder should be held just as accountable for his death as the perpetrator. There is obviously a problem within the Minneapolis PD that needs to be addressed and maybe now it will be. So yes, there was likely racism involved, but there was also some internal MPD problems that were allowing bad cops to slip through the cracks with bad behavior, and had theses been addressed sooner, maybe George Floyd would be alive today.

Yes, racism is all over the place and I hate it, but my direct knowledge of it is absolutely non-existent, so maybe that is why jumping to this situation being an act of racism was not my first thought. And this too is why I guess I have always had a problem with the term White Privilege. It always felt to me that this term in and of itself was a bit racist to whites. Yes, I believe that racism is not just towards blacks. Racism flourishes among all races and colors. That being said though, blacks do seem to take the brunt of the hate and disrespect. All in all though, I guess I just never really understood  the term White Privilege. I am white and yet I have never particularly seen myself as privileged. I have always felt that I had to work hard and fight for everything I had and I never saw much privilege in that. Along with that though, my attitude towards blacks has never been one of fear, disrespect or hate either. In fact, I am not much of a color person. I am more inclined to see how someone is through the expressiveness of their eyes, the kindness of their smile and the generosity of their soul which together gives an amazing view into their character. These things mean something to me....skin color does not.

So, my post had not been up long when I saw my cousins name pop up in fb notifications. I wondered before I looked. Surely this would be a topic that her and I, could agree on. After all, how could you not see the video and see it for any less than a murder? Perhaps here is where I should throw in that maybe one way my cousin and I are similar is that we both are very verbal human beings that can be very expressive when we have a point to make. Yeah, there is that family resemblance. To be honest though, when I first saw her comment, I saw the words "White Privilege" and being that it was almost midnight, I decided to leave the post and come back tomorrow (which is now today), when I would likely be more rested. Low and behold, the first thing that popped up when I opened fb today was her comment(s), so I grabbed my coffee and began to read.

Now she began with a nod to Colin Kaepernick's kneeling and racism being the justification for such an act. Honestly, she and I obviously hold very different views on this and we both have our own reasons for it, but that is another blog piece for another day. She then though, started talking about white privilege and after reading her words, for the first time, it made me look at the term "white privilege" a little differently. Perhaps it is where she lives and her personal experiences that she sees white privilege as she does. While I know racism exists even in small town America, I am sure the extent is much greater in New York and other more urban areas in the country. This is maybe why I have never thought too much in depth about WP and all that it implies. My cousin however, took this particular post to spell it out for me.

Granted, the post she made was a copy and paste, but the sentiment struck a chord with me. Racism is alive and well even all these years after a war was fought to end slavery and the racist ideas and attitudes that went with it. White Privilege is also a very real thing. As a white person, I may not have a lot of money, a nice house or a new car, but even if I am a white person living on the street, I do have certain privileges that those of color do not have. No matter what I do, whether it is walk in a nice neighborhood or even hold a gun in my hand, chances are that my actions will be viewed differently than that of a person of color. I can do most anything without anyone giving me a second glance, but people of color are often not afforded that luxury or respect.

Driving a nice car, walking into a convenience store at night, knocking on a door to ask for help when your car won't start, jogging and even going out bird watching.....all normal acceptable things for white people. Sadly though, these same normal activities can get a person of color scrutinized, questioned, arrested and even killed because of the color of their skin and nothing more. Pure and simply, my privilege is that I can do just about anything and no one thinks a thing of it, but those of color must constantly be thinking about what they do and how they do it, so as not to cause suspicion, for so many in this world view people of color as synonymous with criminal, illegal, dangerous, killer......and the list goes on and on. I guess there is something to that whole WP thing and all it takes is a minute to try and put yourself in the shoes of a black person to see this.

My heart goes out to Mr. Floyd's family. His death was senseless and even though I do believe that the issue in this case goes way beyond just racism, I do think that blacks have a reason to be angry. Mr. Floyd's death was not a singular incident and having to fear going out on the streets because of your skin color is horrific. I do not agree with all of the looting and destroying that has been going on in protest of Mr. Floyd's death and after reading about him, I don't think he would be happy with it either. If anything, the riots and looting are taking away from the real issue at the center of all of this and those taking part in it are destroying their own communities and the lives, livelihoods and businesses of innocent people who had nothing to do with Mr. Floyd, the police or the murder.

As I said, I don't understand racism. I believe that God created us all in His image and if we take into consideration where Jesus was born, it is a pretty definite assumption that His skin was much darker than those of us with WP. Until the day we see each other as human beings and celebrate that which makes us alike rather than fight about what makes us different, there will be more Mr. Floyds dying and more Chauvins spreading hate, disrespect and even death and how does that help anyone?

So....my cousin. She and I will likely always be miles apart in our world views. Her heart will beat blue and mine red. What also will not change is that we will both remain passionate on what we believe and speak our minds whenever we feel it necessary. We see the world from our own very different and very distinct vantage points and who is to say which view is right and which view is wrong? At the end of the day though, we are who we are and with an open mind and open heart, we still might have much to learn from each other.

Dear Cousin....thank you for my lesson in white privilege. It is not one I will soon forget.  

Social Distance, Shelter in Place, Lock Down

In 1920, when the clock struck midnight that New Years Eve/Day, the world began to change. The year 1920, brought us prohibition, bathtub gin, flappers, shorter dresses and even shorter female hairstyles, while men took on a more dapper style with with wide lapels, pin stripes and fedoras. It was also the beginning of many Americans owning motor cars, radio's and telephones. All of these things changed everything about us, from how we dressed, to how we drank, got around, got our information and how we communicated. The world in fact seemed to be a bright new place in 1920, ushering in products and opportunities which would have a profound effect on our culture, jobs, homes and life in general for all the decades that followed. With WWI over and Henry Ford's advances in manufacturing with the assembly-line, 1920 set the decade up for what looked like unending fiscal and personal success. On the surface America was shiny, but like any year and any decade, there would be cracks in the facade and the shininess would fade. Still though, we were working our way into an unforgettable 20th Century.

Now, looking at 2020, the world once again changed on New Years Eve/Day, but into something far different than what we celebrated a hundred years before. As we said goodbye to 2019 and drove headlong into the new year and new decade, our world and our country were far from a joyous and exciting time and place. Going into 2020, we drug a lot of baggage from the past year that had been building far longer than the previous decade. We brought in political unrest, racial unrest, Constitutional unrest and a loss of morality, faith and humanity as we had become a world in which our own individual self-interest was our goal, we were our own gods and humanity was only an after thought as long as we were getting what we wanted. We had become a world where the only conversations we wanted to have were the ones in which we were agreed with and in which our opinions came out of the mouths of others. We had quit sharing ideas and growing in an effort to be the loudest voice with the only opinion. We were a world of fake news, fear mongers and power hungry, money driven leaders. Worst of all, because we the people had lost a sense of who we were, we became ripe for those who told us we needed to be taken care of, led and controlled for our own "best interest" and safety. We were blindly following those who cared nothing about any of those things, but only the power they could control us with.

Yes, this is what we ended 2019 with and this is what we entered 2020 with. Now, five months into this new year and decade and we seem to be losing ground, losing stability and losing our rights as free individuals in a free country. The worst part, no one is actually taking our stability and rights from us....we are simply willingly handing them over with the misconception that this will keep us safe. Welcome to 2020. My how a hundred years has changed us.

Much has happened this new year globally and much has happened in my life personally. It has all made me very introspective and emotionally frustrated. It is one of those times where I have to get it out or mentally choke on that which I find emotionally breaking. So here it goes:

As we came into 2020, we were still dealing with an unprecedented Presidential Impeachment where the news was fake and the "facts" were fluid, changing as the agenda saw fit. Of course in the end, it was nothing more than a gigantic waste of taxpayers money, congress did no actual work and the American people, regardless of which side of the fence they were on, were forced into the acknowledgement of just how little our elected officials actually cared about the good of the country as they were willing to raise the debt with a legal farce and attempt to destroy an economy that was struggling to get back on it's feet.

Once the impeachment charade was over, there was barely time for Nancy Pelosi to remember that her job entailed more than trying to impeach her nemesis, when we were hit with the Corona Virus (i.e. COVID 19). Now I won't rehash the onset of this virus, the stupidity of those who ran out to buy enough toilet paper to get through the decade or mass hysteria that ensued in the early days of this pandemic. After all, I have already written a couple of blogs concerning that and I am sure you all know by now how I feel about it all.

No, what I want to discuss on this blog is the here and now and the whole lock down, shelter in place, social distancing, killing our economy and making us all angry assholes thing.

For most of the country and I guess a good part of the world, it was at first suggested we "social distance." While the words were familiar, their term is now one that will go down in history as a key phrase to the 2020 pandemic. In my opinion, social distancing was nothing more than common sense and I took it to mean, if you are feeling unwell, don't go to work, don't go to the club, don't go to the store, don't go to school. You should stay home and take care of yourself, thus preventing the spread of your germs. Apparently what everyone else heard was: Run out and shop like there is no tomorrow. Breathe on everyone and become angry if you are not able to buy more than 100 rolls of toilet paper and 25 canisters of disinfectant wipes. I'm not sure how social distancing meant such different things to different people, but in no time, we were off and running with the spread of the virus running rampant.

Social distancing then went from use common sense, to now you all are going to shelter in place. This was the step where the government decided that we couldn't be trusted to use common sense, so they were going to get a bit heavy handed and start enforcing laws that didn't exist and spread the word that the government and not the people were in charge. Now in all fairness, the people did act a fool over the social distancing, so we basically handed them the authoritarian governmental grounding that they gave us. The shelter in place was the beginning of school closings for the year and a limiting of numbers of people who could gather in any one place. It started at 250 and gradually made its way down to 6. I was afraid I was going to have to start kicking people out of my house.

Finally, we went into full on lock down. I have hated this terminology from day one because it is subliminal terminology which brainwashes us into believing the government can legally control us in the guise of "protecting" us. Without written laws on the books they cannot, but that did not and does not stop them from trying to intimidate and over reach. Lock down is a term used in prisons as a means to control a population. In the last couple of decades, it has made its way into our mainstream thought processes as a term of "safety" in instances such as school shootings. The bottom line though....lock down is still a means to control a population and control us they have.

During this lock down, we have been forced (again...no laws on the books and completely unConstitutional) to shut down businesses, social gathering places and we even been prohibited from having graduations, funerals and church services. We have been forced to wear masks even though "science" tells us that they can cause more health problems than they solve and people have been encouraged to turn on one another and rat out their friends, family and neighbors to the "authorities"  if they "think" they are breaking non-existent laws. Meanwhile, our economy that was just about back on it's feet has all but tanked. Small businesses are dying, big businesses are losing ground and all the businesses that were gradually coming back to the United States in the last few years, may have to leave again, just to survive. And even though all of this started months ago, we are still being forced into government mandated restrictions based in nothing but their say-so. Blessedly, some are wising up and realizing we can't continue this crap indefinitely, but certain governors of certain political persuasions are dragging out the reopening states, business and the economy as long as they possibly can. Why?

While I have never been a conspiracy theorist, this whole situation would have any thinking person doing just that.....thinking. Never in history have we had a pandemic that has caused this kind of behavior from the leaders or the people. You have to ask yourself,  if  with the media we have, are we being given the actual facts? With the corruptness we have seen from congress, are the media being given actual facts? When you have medical professionals and scientists who can't agree on things as simple as the safety of wearing a mask and mortality numbers are not agreeing, you have to wonder just what the facts are? Yet we as a people, seem to cringe with each media report even when many of those reports have been debunked. We are so fear obsessed that we are throwing our rights out the door, for the promise of a little safety. We have gone from being the land of the free and the home of the brave, to the land of the controlled and the home of the afraid. You do realize that we are not the first people to be afraid of something. We are simply the first people to hand over our rights because of that fear.

Believe me,  I am not saying that COVID-19 isn't real and that it can't kill people. What I am saying is that COVID-19 has been a convenient excuse to cultivate fear and hysteria, to make the people dependent on the government, to pass legislation in bills that might not have passed otherwise (Nancy you naughty girl) and to conveniently change the rules of an election year and how we might possibly "be allowed" to vote. It has also set the stage to change how our children will be educated, how we shop and what will be available for us to shop for and even how we will be able to do business.....if many even have businesses left. It's all a little too iffy for me to fall into what the government would like me to believe. I have too many questions and there simply aren't enough accurate answers.

Now I know that there are those of you who have lived in fear since the moment you heard the word "virus." In fact, I know there are some of you that haven't been out of your homes except for extreme needs since March and you are extremely angry with those who do go out (unless they are deemed essential...another word I hate.) I also know that as you read this, you are already thinking of all the stats, articles and statements from medical professionals that you can argue back at me with. To you I say, don't bother. I have read so much on both sides and I really don't believe much on either side. I also am not going to argue this with anyone. These are my thought and my feelings.....and maybe they will be my undoing, but I refuse to spend my life as a prisoner of fear. I have social distanced, sheltered in place and even locked down. I am done. Now, like it or not.....from this day forward.....I'm going to live my life. Now where's my flapper dress and my automobile? I'm going to town......and ain't that the bees knees! ;)

Let Kylie's Light Shine

Seldom do I write blogs about the same person twice, but in this case, I think it is more than warranted.

Few things in this life have affected me like the sudden and tragic death of  Kylie Morgan Love, and as sad as it has been watching those who loved her grieve, something much bigger and  remarkably positive has emerged. It has been the ability to see the  "LIFE" she lived laid out in pictures, videos and memories, by family, friends and those who were touched by this amazing girl. Because of this, I am not speaking of her death, but of her life.

I awoke this morning feeling some kind of way that I can't even describe. It was a feeling of, wanting to do something that honors Kylie and keeps who she was as a person alive. I want even those who didn't know her, to be touched by her life and to maybe be motivated to do something Kylie-like.

This week, a facebook page was started called, Remember Kylie. On that page, people have shared memories, pictures, videos and thoughts on Kylie. It has been bittersweet and at times devastatingly beautiful to look through the page and see not only who she was but also how her very presence in the world affected those around her. There were posts from family and life long friends, to people who had only met her or talked to her once or twice but immediately were drawn into the magic of Kylie. It has been awe inspiring to see how one beautiful heart has touched and positively affected so many others.

What became abundantly clear in all of this is that this girls life had great purpose from the moment of her first heart beat and it only became greater in time. Kylie was put here to shine, to show true kindness and to make a positive difference in the world. She achieved these goals and so much more. I saw her mom post that she is learning so much about her daughter that she never knew from all those sharing their Kylie experiences. She was referring to the small, daily things that Kylie did without thinking. The small gestures of love and friendship towards those she knew and the kindnesses she showed even complete strangers. As cheesy as it sounds, LOVE was the perfect last name for her, because it was the perfect description of who she was and what she gave back to the world.

I have had many people ask me since all of this took place, what they could do for the family or just in general to honor Kylie and her family. When something like this happens, we all want to do something in the moment, and yet there is so little that can be done. Nothing changes the unchangable. This morning though, I woke up with a thought and I am going to share it here.

Kylie, in her beautiful way, spent everyday of her life changing the world without even knowing it. Whether it was making people laugh and smile, taking care of animals, showing genuine love for her family and friends or making a stranger feel like a friend. Kylie loved with a fierceness of heart and she shared that love with everyone and everything she touched. She was a bright light in a sometimes dark world.  So after some real thought, this is what I would suggest for those that want to do something to honor Kylie: Keep her light shining! But how?

First of all, Kylie was not alone in the accident that took her life. Riding with her was her boyfriend of four years. Ethan was the love of her life and those that knew them, had no doubt that they were the real deal. They were the epitome of  "relationship goals." Ethan was critically hurt in the accident, and thankfully, although expected in time to recover, the road ahead will be a long and painful one due to the severity of his injuries. I know without a doubt that the first thing Kylie would want is for Ethan and his family to be taken care of. A gofundme account has been set up to help offset the financial toll Ethan's medical expenses, now and for the long months ahead will take on the family. So if you have a desire to help financially, I suggest a donation to Ethan's Road to Recovery gofundme. If for some reason you can't give financially, then please share the page and keep Ethan and his family in your prayers.

Moving forward though, I think there are many things we can do to keep Kylie's light shining brightly. She showed us all what to do, now in her honor lets pick up the torch and keep going. What am I talking about? How about go listen to some music and laugh and dance just for the pure joy of it all. Take some pictures of it and share them for family and friends. Make others smile too. Let Kylie's light shine. Go rescue an animal and give it an amazing life. Let Kylie's light shine. Go talk to that person sitting alone. Reach out and be kind. Let Kylie's light shine. Hug your kids, your parents, your significant other, your friends or a complete stranger and let Kylie's light shine. Do something kind for someone for no reason. Let Kylie's light shine. Go to a lake and just sit on the bank. Throw in a fishing line and appreciate all that is around you. Let Kylie's light shine. Share a smile, a laugh and even some tears.....and let Kylie's light shine. Basically what I am saying is, let your inner Kylie shine. The greatest honor that we can bestow on her memory, is to continue to build on the good, the kindness, the simple joy and yes.....the love....she brought to this world.

Knowing Kylie, even for a little while, made us all better people and having her in the world made it a better place, so today and always, let's make sure that we continue to...... let Kylie's light shine. 

Kylie Morgan Love

She loved camping, fly fishing, the outdoors, moon flowers, pepperoni, chocolate, country music and animals. She was funny, kind and a perfect mix of her mothers strength of personality and her dad's love and respect of nature and all things outdoors.

Kylie Morgan Love, was the last of the five Love kids. She had turned 18 and she was graduating high school. Her plan? To have an amazing summer and then at some point....she was off to see the world, with perhaps a few other stops in between. She wanted to travel and go places. She wanted to take in every moment of life and experience everything. She wanted to live life on her own terms. She was very much her mother's daughter.

I have known this young lady, since the moment her mom Thiry said, "Guess what? I'm pregnant again." And from the moment Kylie came into this world, Thiry had her hands full, knowing full well that she was raising a child, very much like the child she herself had been. We often laughed about the things Kylie did and said, with Thiry being all too aware that they were reminiscent of her own youth. And I would remind her that God does have a sense of humor and irony.

As Kylie has grown, I have watched her, albeit from a distance at times, turn into an amazing young woman. Yes, she has had her ornery moments, her siblings can attest to that, but she has always gone at life head first. She was blessed to grow up in a family where real life was revered over video games and electronics, as her social media was far less active than most girls her age. When she did post though, it was full of pictures of family, friends, camping trips, hunting adventures with her dad and siblings, fishing trips and beautiful photos she took of her animals and the outdoors wherever she found beauty.

Kylie loved her family and friends fiercely, but possibly her greatest passion was animals. She grew up around dogs and cats her entire life and she seemed to have a special bond with animals of all sorts. It was this love that brought her to become an animal advocate, raising awareness of the dangers of trash (boxes and bags in particular), that can blow out of trash cans and cause suffocation death for animals. Kylie's beloved little Australian Shepherd Rylee, died from suffocating in a cereal box. It was devastating to her and made her realize that if we all just took that extra step to tear the sides out of our cereal-like boxes, this could help save another puppy like Rylee. Yes, you could say she became passionate about this, because to Kylie, they weren't just pets, they were family.

There was no doubt Kylie had friends. She had cultivated many in her school years in Rose Hill schools and her years of playing volleyball. She had an amazing heart and she was funny and silly and someone people just liked and wanted to be around. Some of her friendships were life long and she was particularly fond of one young man named Ethan, who shared her love of the outdoors, animals, country music and who seemed to have stolen her heart.

At home Kylie was the "little sister," sometimes walking in her older sister Alex's shadow. I didn't see Kylie often, but one time when she was about 5 or 6, she was at my house. Everyone was swimming and she and Alex got into it, and then Thiry stepped in. Kylie got in trouble and had to go in the house. I walked in a bit later and she was sitting on the couch, somewhere between mad and wishing she were back outside. I asked her what was wrong and she said that Alex had made her mad. Little arms folded across her chest, it was quite obvious she was not happy with the situation, Then her little frame softened and she said, "I wish I was like Alex." There was a complete change in her face. I said, "Why do you want to be like Alex?" Then with almost a defiant attitude, as if I should just simply know this, she said, "Because Alex is smart and she is pretty and Brandon (her oldest brother) likes her best." I remember laughing at this view of her sister from her 5 or 6 year old vantage point. Kids are pretty honest though, and I think that she really did admire her older sister and aspire to be like her, and although throughout the years they could fight like it was their job, Alex and Kylie had a sister bond that was unbreakable. No one messed with Kylie's sister and vice versa.

As for Kylie's brothers..... It is funny how that little sister goes from being a pain in their brother's butts to the one they feel responsible for and have to look out for and finally, to that young woman they become so very proud of and call....friend. With her brothers, Kylie had been all those things and was just becoming that beautiful friend.

To Thiry and Kelly (Kylie's dad), Kylie was their baby. She was 18, graduating and they were inch by inch preparing themselves to let go and let Kylie fly. She wanted to get out of Rose Hill and travel. She wanted to see the world. While her house in Rose Hill would always be home, she longed to experience the things she had only read about and dreamed of. Thiry and Kelly understood this and knew that soon she would be on her way.

Kylie had an amazing life for an 18 year old. She had been given a good foundation by her parents, learned social skills from her siblings and had a kindness and generosity of spirit that was way beyond her years. She made people smile and in a day and age of "imitation," she was always her genuine, authentic self. A bright star, outshining all the rest.

Sadly, on Saturday, May 9, 2020, there was a terrible car accident, and in moments, this bright star was gone. It was sudden, it was awful and it broke the heart of everyone who knew and loved her. It was one of those things that we simply can't comprehend, how someone so beautiful and bright can be gone so suddenly.

The loss of Kylie has been about the only thing on my mind for the last 36 hours. I am a person of faith and I do intellectually understand that death is as much a part of life as living. That being said, when someone like Kylie dies so suddenly, you can't help but wonder about the why's and the what ifs. Thinking about this beautiful young woman though, I realize, that in some ways she put more love, life and passion into her 18 years than some people do in a life decades longer. She left impressions on our hearts and memories in our lives that will never be forgotten. In so many ways, Kylie lived life on her own terms and even though her life was not nearly long enough for those of us left behind, she made every moment of that life count.

I once read a book about heaven, and it said that when someone dies, because they are with God, they are immensely happy and not for one second are they alone from the moment of their death, on throughout all eternity. They are so happy in fact, that they are shielded from our sadness, knowing that one day we too will be with them again and know their joy. I believe this is true and I believe as much as she lived and loved in this life, she is doing the same in heaven right this very minute.

Today, on Mother's Day, I feel such sadness for Kylie's loss and my heart is just devastated for Thiry and Kelly. There are no words, to bring comfort and nothing can be done but to fight through the pain. In time though, the pain will lessen for those who loved this extraordinary young lady, and we will smile and be grateful that God gave her to us.....even for a little while. 

Kylie Morgan Love

Nov. 20, 2001 - May 9, 2020

The world is a little less bright without you!

Loss

I don't know why it is, that when someone dies that touches me deeply, I have to write. It is a feeling that builds up inside of me....emotions, pain, memories and maybe a need to write it all down so with the passing years I never forget the moment in time. Now is no different.

If you have read my blogs in the past, you have heard me speak of the Poteete's often. They are my second family not bonded by blood, but certainly by heart. Since I have been 16 years old, Berty, Thiry and I have cried, laughed, celebrated and mourned with each other through every hill and valley of our lives. I think the three of us will always have that bond.

Yesterday morning, I was woken up by a phone call from Berty. The moment I heard her voice, I went back to other times I heard that tone....the quietness. I immediately felt my body tense and I was right. She called to tell me the unthinkable. Berty was at Thiry's and Thiry's youngest daughter Kylie had died in a car accident. As much as I knew there was something bad coming, I had no idea it was going to be this bad. All I could do was to say "No!" over and over again, maybe subconsciously feeling that if I said it enough, this news would cease to be true.

I asked what I could do, knowing the answer before it even left my lips. Nothing! There was simply nothing I could do and nothing I could say. This was going to just be one of those terrible, awful things that happen in life, that has to be gotten through and for awhile, nothing can make it hurt any less.

With the whole COVID-19 thing, I did question for a moment what I should do. I knew what the government said I should do and I knew what my heart said I should do and my heart won out. I immediately woke up my son Zach and told him. His reaction was identical to mine. "No!" Then without a word, he got dressed and I got dressed and we got in the car. Zach hates these kind of things, but Kylie was special. There was no question as to where we needed to be.

On the way to Thiry's I fought memories and tears and I prayed that our presence would be healing and not in anyway intrusive. My heart just kept telling me to get there because she would be and has been there for me time and again.

When we walked in, the tears hit me with a force I didn't know possible. I saw Berty sitting there with so much pain on her face, she too knowing that our best efforts could not take away an ounce of the grief in that room, but when I saw Thiry and her husband Kelly, sitting there, lost, exhausted and still unable to comprehend the reality of their loss, my heart shattered into pieces. Thiry grabbed me and we just cried. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be in that moment.

Loss of any kind is painful. Even in the realization that none of us gets out alive, when you lose someone so suddenly and especially so young, the pain is immense. There are no good-byes. There is no preparation and not only do we mourn the life of someone we loved, but we also mourn our plans, their plans, the future we hoped they would have.  With a child though, the pain is different. That is a life we helped create, we brought into this world and we nurtured. We watched them grown and saw not only the present, but as parents we also visualize their future. To have that all yanked away from us in a moment.......well let me just say.......no parent should have to outlive their child.

Still today, my heart aches. My heart is broken over the loss of this beautiful young girl with her whole life ahead of her, but it is also in pieces over the pain I saw in Thiry and Kelly's eyes. While I know they will eventually find their way through this (even though they don't really know that now), I also know that this left wounds that from time to time will reopen and bleed. How could it not, they lost a child.

Since I am not putting this blog on social media, many will not see this, but if you do, I ask that you please say a prayer for this family. Pray for peace. Pray for comfort and pray that they are given the strength to get through this in the days, weeks and months ahead. R.I.P. Kylie Morgan Love. 

Dying of Fear

Today got me to thinking. I woke up and realized that 25 years ago today, a tragedy occurred that changed our country and the lives of everyone in the Alfred P. Murrah Building in Oklahoma City forever. The homegrown terrorists, whose names I will not even mention in this blog piece, at 9:02 a.m. on April 19, 1995 set off a bomb outside the federal building which injured approximately 680 people and killed 168 people including children in an on-site daycare. People could hear the bomb go off for miles and when the dust cleared, the devastation left behind had us all staring at our TV's in shocked disbelief. Our quiet spring morning had been disrupted and destroyed by domestic forces who wished to destroy and terrorize with the one goal of causing paralyzing fear and devastation. Their efforts while dedicated did not have their desired effect. Yes, they caused devastation but they also brought about something they could never have imagined in the people they hoped to debilitate with fear.

On that day, they brought about a strength and fearlessness that most of us never knew we even had. First responders and everyday citizens alike, bolted into action on a search and rescue mission while others stood by helping in anyway they could. People from across the country jumped in their vehicles and headed to Oklahoma so that they could offer their services in anyway possible. Those that couldn't be hands on, had hands folded in prayer as we watched the grueling footage of rescues and recoveries. We saw tiny bodies, bloodied and bruised being pulled out of the wreckage and we saw faces of family members, pale, tear streaked and waiting for word on their child, parent or spouse.

In all of it's devastation though, instead of filling us with fear and immobilizing us to run, hide, do nothing and hunker down in perceived "safety", it made us strong. We stood strong for those who had lost their lives that day, for those who had lost people they loved that day and for the state of Oklahoma who was suffering a loss that no state should ever have to endure. We stood strong against terrorism and those who tried to strike a blow against our country as a whole. We were all Oklahoman's that day, but more importantly, we were ALL Americans and we had a long history of standing up and fighting. Fear was not on the agenda...even with the realization that there were those in our own country that hoped to make us fear, make us weak and take us down from within. Were others out to get us? Was travel safe? Were Federal buildings, arena's or large gatherings even safe anymore? We had no idea but NO ONE was going to force us into fear.

Yes, today.....it all came back to me. So that is why I am switching gears and bringing us to the here and now.

Let's talk COVID-19. We are in week 3 or 30 (who can remember at this point) of all but "essential" businesses, schools and people being on lock down. Social media is still flooded with fear and mainstream media is still flooded with inaccurate mortality rates and fear mongering. It appears that gone are the people of 1995 or even the people of 2001, who refused to allow fear to rule them. Instead we have been replaced by an over reactive people who have traded common sense for fear and who refuse to listen to facts preferring a bought and paid for media who can't keep their stories straight. What is worse is that a majority of the people are all too easily ready to trade their constitutional rights for a perceived "feeling" of security in the guise of complete government control. We are no longer strong and fearless, we are weak, scared and ready to be picked off by our enemies. We are not Americans, we are a sad people gearing up to repeat the history of atrocities we swore would never happen again. Wrong....it's happening.

So we spend a lot of time speaking of "essential". Who decides essential? Call me crazy, but in our own way, aren't we ALL essential? Isn't every business whose income that provides a home, food and necessities for a family essential?  Isn't every business who has a payroll that provides for other families essential?  And isn't every business who pays taxes and helps to keep the economy up and running essential? So who has the right to say that you or your business is not essential? Constitutionally....no one, especially not those in government who smile while "hunkering down" and eating ice cream bars while their own actions are systematically destroying the country.

Now let me ask you, after you have come out of hiding, what happens when we finally realize that there are many viruses and flu's which we have REAL numbers on that are far deadlier as a whole than COVID-19? Have we set a precedence that we just never let our lives, our businesses or our economy go back to normal? Do we just remain in the security of our homes, with our hoarded toilet paper.....until we as individuals can no longer afford our homes and the government can no longer afford to continue stimulating the people with government checks?

I have got to ask, when the fearless Americans with common sense and a love of their constitutional rights left the building and these scared, frightened little pod people took over their bodies? This country and the world even, have survived illnesses and diseases much worse than COVID-19 and most without any vaccine to cure them. Bubonic Plague, Cholera, Dysentery, Yellow Fever, Scarlet Fever, Tuberculosis, Polio and yes....the Flu. They all have been contagious, miserable and even deadly and yet the world continued on. Economies didn't fall to the diseases and people built up immunities for many of these diseases while others we were lucky enough to find vaccines for and wipe them out completely. In most cases when these diseases hit, people had enough common sense to quarantine "the sick," or the exposed for the a specific number of days and then life went on. So what is the deal with us?

Someone told me the other day that the problem is that no one wants to die. Huh? Like it or not....that  is happening.....for all of us. None of us gets out a live, but what kind of life do we have if we have to live it in fear and hiding out from COVID-19, the next virus or the flu? The truth is, in the last 25 years, we have had far more deadly diseases run through our country and yes, there were casualties, but never have we over reacted to the point we are at now. Do you ask yourselves why?

The truth I believe is that this whole Corona situation became a very convenient political ploy in an election year. I think a ruined economy and a fearful people are going to have a big effect on a presidential election. I think that there were those who felt they were losing their political holds and COVID came on at the perfect time to make a public with a short memory focus on fear rather than facts and to put all of their thoughts and energy into a virus rather than to what was going on in congress just a few short weeks before. Let's face it, for some, COVID-19 basically erased the slate of  unjust and unconstitutional indiscretions for many. So yeah, there are many in congress relishing this virus, it's effect on the American people and the paycheck they are still collecting while everyone else is worried that they might not be able to pay their bills.

Come on people, surely you haven't lost every ounce of common sense you had and surely we are smart enough to know when we are being played by people we elected. Luckily, some people across the country are starting to wake up and realize that our own congress and heavy handed governors have the potential to be far more dangerous than any virus out there. They are protesting and demanding their constitutional rights, as they and their families rely on them being as essential as anyone else. How are government is handling these protests should be a wake up call to all of us. And here is a question, do you think any citizen of any "free" country ever deemed that their government would take over and they would lose their freedom, their rights and even their lives? Did it happen anyway? You all know the answer and THAT is what should scare you.

Guys, I am not saying that COVID-19 isn't real, isn't contagious and can't kill. However, so is the flu. So are diseases like Polio, mumps and measles that many "choose" not to vaccinate for. And yes, there will be deaths. There will always be deaths because.....people die. But as I said before, even more people may die because of lock-downs. Has it ever occurred to you that mental health crisis and suicides are on the rise during all of this? Addiction relapse is happening at an alarming rate and abuse in families is also rearing it's ugly head. People are losing their jobs, their businesses and in some cases they can't even go for a drive without police deeming them non-essential and arresting them for violating lock-downs. People are starting to feel the constraints of government controlled fear and they are dying or killing because mental health is getting dangerously low. Also the fear that many are carrying because of all of this....have you looked into the devastation that fear and stress can cause on someone's body? The stress from continued reminders by the media that we should be afraid can cause both mental and physical issues that can lead to life long health issues and yes....even death. And finally, what about those people who "follow the rules," and don't leave their homes. What do they do? Many lay around, eat, don't exercise and yes....are getting depressed? What do you think that is doing to peoples health and how many people are going to have life and health altering issues because of this?

Hero's don't run and American's don't hide. They never have. We are strong, we use common sense and we certainly don't play Chicken Little, and yet here we are. COVID-19 is not the first contagious and life threatening virus we have faced down in our history and it won't be the last. What it is though, is the first virus we have allowed to scare us into submission and have allowed to destroy our economy, our way of life and our mental health. And it is the first we are willing to hand over our free will and our constitutional rights for.

I for one am not afraid. I never have been. Yes, I might get it and yes.....I might even die from it, but if I die, I won't go out in fear, because I will know that my last days, weeks and months were not lived in fear. They were lived in strength and joy and I am pretty sure that my 1995 me and my 2001 me, would be very proud. Can you say the same?  I hope so, because too many right now are dying of fear.

COVID-19 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

So.....COVID-19, also known as the Corona Virus. Hmmm...... As if 2020 hadn't already been enough of a shit show (for lack of a better term), with the whole "impeachment that never was," played out on every media outlet that ever was. Before we could take a breath, here comes C-19. And the hits just keep on coming.

It has been awhile since I have done a "good, bad and ugly" blog on a person, place or event, but after days of "containment" (yes, there are likely going to be a lot of " " in this piece), I decided that I either blogged my feelings or I explode. I went for the least messy route.....I think.

Tis' true. We had barely gotten through the whole "Pelosi implodes and Four More Years," situations, when along came C-19. At first people were just looking at it as the usual election year virus (look it up if you don't believe me), but then within a very short time, it became a history making, unprecedented event that will go down as the proverbial "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times," modern day melodrama.

COVID-19 began in China. It's origins were traced back to the Wuhan Market, where the lack of cleanliness and the choice in "delicacies" was less than palatable or healthy. Bats, dogs, cats and other assorted domestic and rodent type meats are the norm there and apparently knowing that these animals can carry diseases not healthy for humans is not a deterrent to the people.  For many there, C-19 proved fatal and it all linked back to the market...or so they say. Apparently I am the only one on the planet who questioned how a country that is so technologically forward would allow open markets such as this. Hmmmm.......

People were suddenly glued to their tvs and phones as they watched C-19 spread from China to Italy to Turkey and then eventually penetrate our borders through international flight and cruise ships. Closed borders were looking a lot better as this virus began working its way through our coastal states.

So what is C-19? It has been described as anywhere between a bad cold or a light flu, to a full on pneumonia and for the elderly, very young or those people with weakened immune systems, it can be fatal. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), the symptoms of  the virus are fever, sore throat and coughing.  The reason C-19 seems to be so alarming is because it spreads so quickly and easily. The symptoms can appear 2-14 days from exposure. The reality is (if you do the research and don't just rely on the media for your info), there are 8 billion people in the world per Google. According to CNN, as of today 1.2 million people have tested positive world wide and 65,000 have died. What these numbers don't tell you is the number of cases that have not been reported and documented (because of course....they can't because they aren't testing everyone with symptoms) and of those, how many have survived. Comparatively, according to Contagion Live, the CDC has reported over 13 million cases of the flu in this flu season alone. The flu can also be fatal to the elderly, the very young or those with weakened immune systems and according to a 2017 report from the CDC, 291,000 to 646,000 people die yearly from the flu.....and yet C-19 has basically stopped life as we know it and is well on it's way to crippling what just a few weeks ago was a thriving and healthy economy. Anyone but me wondering why?

So those are the facts, but most don't do the research. They rely on a news media who has been caught time and again falsifying, withholding and totally abandoning the truth for both financial and political gain. Because of our devotion at the alter of a corrupt media, people with normal common sense have allowed themselves to become fearful and reactive. If you need proof of this, then let's wander back a few weeks during the "toilet paper, Clorox wipes" hoarding spree.

We had been warned for several weeks prior, that C-19 was on it's way and that precautions would likely be necessary. Precautions such as....washing your hands for at least 20 seconds multiple times per day, coughing into your sleeve, staying home if you didn't feel well and avoiding crowds. All perfectly rational and common sense things....that most everyone ignored.

When C-19 hit the states, the government apparently became alarmed, and suggested that if we were not feeling well or had been around those not feeling well, that we might self quarantine. Those words must have translated to the masses as, "Quick! Buy toilet paper and Clorox wipes. They will no longer make them and we are all gonna die if we don't have them." For some this also became a money making proposition, buying up baby formula, diapers, wipes and essentials that most households need to function. With dollar signs in their eyes, almost overnight ebay and marketplace sell sites had rolls of toilet paper going for $10 a pop and formula for as high at $150/canister. Fear and greed had taken the place of common sense.

Still, people roamed freely hoarding toilet paper by day and going to concerts, bars, restaurants and fighting crowds of people for more toilet paper by night. It was ridiculous and for those of us who refused to give into the fear and mass hysteria and only buy what we always bought and no more, we found ourselves shell shocked when we stepped into the grocery stores. It was as if we had walked into a post apocalyptic world where once fully stocked shelves were empty and people were wildly running up and down the aisles grabbing what was left just to fill their carts. All I could do was shake my head and go home. People seemed to have no understanding that all of these products were still being made, but in their frenzy, they have caused a demand that supply couldn't keep up with. Even online shopping dragged to a halt as many items were sold out across the country and in some cases, even world wide. And still with all of this, people coughed, sneezed and went out running fevers exposing the world to a multitude of germs. At least their bottoms were clean.....I hope. 

The government then started making self quarantining less of a suggestion and more of demand as they banned groups of 200 or more, then 50 or more, then 10 or more. Then real fear set in when our Spring Break turned into....."you will not return to finish the 2019-2020 school year." Never in my life time have I seen or heard of such a thing, and yet here we are. Graduating seniors have no end of school awards or graduation ceremonies. There was no basketball, track, soccer, baseball or any other spring and possibly summer sports. Kids are left to do distance learning and parents are left to make sure their kids do it so they can actually finish out their grade. Finally the governor told us that we could not congregate with six or more people and I began to worry who I was going to have to start kicking out of my house.

Ultimately, we were given a "Stay at Home," order and currently compliance has been about 30%. This is not totally the fault of the people though, as certain jobs have been deemed essential....medical staff, grocery clerks, truckers, restaurant employees, fire, police, EMS and the list goes on much further than you might imagine. It's hard to stay at home when you are deemed "essential." Thank God I am not!

Through all of this, I have watched wide eyed and a little lot disbelieving. I thought politics made people crazy, but this situation has by far surpassed crazy. When you have people in  abject fear of a situation, they begin to lose their ability to be rational and this makes people reactive instead of proactive. Of course with C-19, we left proactive on the side of the road a long time ago.

A few weeks back I was talking to one of Davids doctors and we were talking about David being in the hospital back in October. He had spiked a 105 temp and had a hacky cough. They tested him for numerous things (but not C-19 because it wasn't on our radar yet). They treated him with the usual high powered anti-biotics and after a five day stay in the hospital, he was released to go home with no real answers as to what caused it all. The doctor now believes that he and many others had C-19 before we even knew it was in the U.S. I stated this in a Facebook post I made, saying that I thought this might be the case for David. I had one, I am sure well meaning person, come back at me on how ignorant I was, thinking I could diagnose my son with C-19. She had no idea this wasn't "my" diagnosis or assertion. She is a very intelligent person so I was more than amazed and a little disappointed at her own ignorance. Again, though....I chalked it up to how crazy this virus has made us all.

Please don't get me wrong, I do see both sides of this situation. I understand the almost incapacitating fear of  something you can't see or control. None of us likes to feel powerless and when you fall into the category of very young, elderly or having a weakened immune system or you love someone that falls within these categories, the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. Sometimes you can't help but react or over react just to feel some control. Add to that the news media produces nothing but negativity and fear mongering and many can't help but be anxiety and stress ridden and angry at everyone who isn't, viewing them as uncaring, rebellious, dangerous even and definitely part of the problem. Truly, I get it, but I also know that fear is as debilitating as any virus and the toll it takes on our minds, bodies and souls is just as deadly.

I also see the other side. There are many who view this as a convenient solution to topple a healthy economy. They distrust (with good reason) our news media and they are sick and tired of the doom and gloom on social media. Their lives have been disrupted along with their income, livelihood and security and they look at the actual numbers and see a much different story than is being played out 24/7 on every channel and every outlet. Most feel that "normal" precautions should be taken and many have even settled into the thought that self containment for two weeks to a month is doable, but dammit....they need toilet paper too as well as their normal weekly groceries and they see no reason to give into mass fear.

As in most cases, I don't think either side is absolutely right and I don't think either side is absolutely wrong. I think if we all just took a breath, paid attention to the REAL numbers, turned off the tv, put down our phones and took normal precautions, we might all just see this in a different light. I know without a doubt that we will weather this storm, but what damage might we have already caused in the midst of this chaos. Perhaps we have shown the rest of the world, our enemies included, that a good portion of us are a reactive and at times irrational people. In 2019 and 2020 we have already set some pretty dangerous political precedence's and now we are setting some dangerous socio-economic ones too. How long will we hold onto this distancing and the stay at home orders? How many of our small businesses will go under and some of our big ones too? How is this going to effect education? How many kids will simply not go back to school after this? How many will be adversely affected due to parents that don't insist on them doing their schoolwork and oversee them doing it? How many jobs will be lost because businesses can't afford to rehire? How many people will lose their homes because eventually even if  given a grace period, they will be expected to pay with a non-existent paycheck from a non-existent job? We have virtually stopped and set back the greatest nation in the world and we have to ask ourselves....was it really necessary or was it merely a knee jerk reaction? OR....was it something that none of us can even imagine?

So as I promised, I have given you the bad and the ugly, but believe it or not....there is also some pretty extra-ordinary good.

At the end of 2019, going into the beginning of 2020, we were a social media, celebrity obsessed world. We were busy, distracted and often times rather than socialize...even with our own families we chose technology and we handed our kids over to social media and video games like sacrificial lambs. We were self possessed, self absorbed and narcissistic. We were a world where fame was not earned but handed out as a participation trophy to anybody on YouTube, talented or not. Truthfully, we were a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah in very many ways. Then C-19 happened and a lot changed.

I was brought up to believe that something good always comes out of something bad and this situation is no different. Because we have been forced to self quarantine into containment, we have also been forced to spend time with our families. We get to see the kids our teachers have to deal with daily. We have gotten to see who is really "essential" in our world and who is merely hot air and decoration.

Since this containment, I have seen more people out riding bikes, walking and finding creative ways to visit and communicate than I ever dreamed imaginable. Families are actually getting to know each other and to do things together like playing games, cooking, crafts and simply watching movies together.

People have had to slow down and some I have heard, have even slept in a time or two as time means very little when you have no place to be. Suddenly our time is our own and we are working in the yard or garden, reading that book we have wanted to read or simply actually talked on the phone to people. We are writing letters, cleaning out closets and binge watching shows. We are having family meals and sitting on the porch waving at our neighbors as they walk by.

Communities are changing it up too. Restaurants are closed to dining, but they have curb side delivery and people especially in smaller communities are doing their best to support these businesses and keep them financially viable. Churches, which are also closed are finding new ways to reach their congregations and you can find services from any denomination online day and night. We are taking care of our bodies and souls.

My community decided to help lift the confinement blues and started a long forgotten tradition of  "dragging." Back in the day, we used to drag Main and Second which were intersecting streets. It was usually for teenagers with cool cars and nothing to do on a Saturday night. Well, currently we all are "kids" with some form of car that has nothing to do on a Saturday night. So with radios blasting and a reason for the girls to wear make-up again, my town is doing a Saturday night drag. We are social distancing with style and whole lot of fun.

Yes, as bad as this whole C-19 has been, in some ways it has been a blessing. It has made us step back and look at our lives, really see our families and realize what we loved about growing up and giving a bit of that back to our kids and grand kids. It has made us realize who really keeps our country running in tough times and to appreciate them more. It has brought out kindness in many and shown that even some of our BIG companies have a heart. We have seen a positive side to our world, our country, our cities and our small towns. We have begun to come together and fill a divide in our country that politics had created. We realized that the virus and the fear that goes with it has no political affiliation and does not discriminate by color, creed, ethnicity or financial status. We truly are all in this together and how we handle ourselves during all of this will be our legacy and show our kids and grand kids both our strengths and our weaknesses in times of trouble.

Me personally? Well, it has brought me closer to my faith. Perhaps it has been a multitude of life's lessons, or faith alone, but I have felt no fear during all of this. Fear has no room for faith and faith no room for fear. I have struggled to remember that my faith alone cannot change the world, so I try hard to be kind to others and empathize with their fears. As I said though, I have struggled and there continue to be life lessons daily for me. I am far from perfect and I still have much left to learn.....in good times and bad. 

So there you have it. My "good, bad and ugly," of C-19. Please don't feel you have to agree and please feel free to agree if you like. This blog post was for me......I didn't want to explode. So until next time....stay safe, stay happy, stay healthy and most of all....let's all do our best to be kind.