Friday, September 30, 2011

Motherhood for Dummies.....The Prayer

I have often stated before that as is a learn as you go process. There are days that you breeze through, but for everyone of those days, there are ten more that you simply survive. Children are the greatest gift we can ever receive, but they are also a whole lot of work. From the moment we conceive them....until the day we die.....they are work. They are are not just an eighteen years sign-on. They are a lifetime sign-on as once they are ours, we never stop wondering, worrying and for many of us.....praying for the best for them. Never is there a night that goes by that before my head hits pillow....God doesn't hear from me.

All of this really got me to thinking. Back many, many, many, many.....well you get were I am going with this.....years ago, I had a college writing teacher who assigned us to write a prayer. Back then God and prayer were not dirty words even in college, but the assignment I remember was daunting as I was not very good at the whole prayer thing. I think it was probably too much thinking outside the box for me and probably also...not enough life experience to appreciate the power that prayer held. I have no idea where that prayer is, what it even said or what kind of a grade I got on it, but this morning the assignment came back to me. It occurred to me that there needs to be a parenting prayer. Okay..I am sure there are already lots of them out there, but I decided to try my hand at a Lisaland Motherhood version. So here is my assignment....many years over due, but with a whole lot more experience and life to pull from.

Motherhood for Dummies Prayer

Here I lay me down to sleep
I pray my children's souls that You will keep
Please give me strength
for sleepless nights
And give me courage
through teen year fights
Please help me Lord
to ease their pain
And in times of struggle
to not complain.
Please help me remember
my own young days
And know the difference
between truly bad and..... just a phase.
Help me to guide them
and teach them to pray
Let them know faith
and from You never stray
Please give me the strength
to let them stumble and fall
and give me the wisdom
to help them learn from it all
So dear Lord,
patient and kind
Please help me through motherhood
cause I'm flying blind!
Amen it wasn't Eliot or Plath, but I think the Man Upstairs might listen. After all it is from the heart and full of life experience. Here is praying that your Friday is struggle free and full of joy. Happy Friday everyone!!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I Do Not Heart Politics

Today is like or not to like day. I choose not to like. Perhaps it is because I feel really awful. A 36 hour blinding headache will do that for you. Maybe it is also because several people chose to visit my dreams last night that I am not a fan of. They caused issues in my dreams just like they do in my real life....imagine that!

So what do I not like today? I do not like politics. I especially do not like them going into a presidential election year. Politics used to be a way for two separate belief systems to express themselves and for the country to vote in the person they felt best for the job. Now a days though....politics has become a way for us to forget that regardless of our views....we are all still human beings. Democrats/liberals use politics as a way to call those who believe differently racists, religious nuts and elitists. Republicans/conservatives use politics as a way to call those who believe differently liars, unAmerican and socialists. It has become a school yard game of nastiness and hate and in it, we are teaching our young people to do the same.

When politics comes into play, it seems that we forget that people are more than there political beliefs. A friend and I were talking the other day. I told this friend that I have friends that range from the most dyed in the wool liberals to the most conservative of the conservative. When I speak to them or hang around them, my first thoughts about them are not their political affiliations. My thoughts are about who they are, how they have affected my life and how they fit into my world. The friend agreed saying that they didn't even know the political affiliation of most of their friends and didn't care. In the last decade they have been in zero political conversations with these people because they don't see friends as republicans or democrats, but as merely friends.

I make no bones about the fact that I am conservative. I am all that conservatism is about....and more. I am all for small government, lower taxes and the government not giving indefinite hand outs to those who refuse to work. I am pro-life, pro-gun and pro-God. However......I am not against gays in the military or gays marrying. I believe the war should end and our soldiers should be brought home. I believe that those in need should be helped, but should also be taught to help themselves. I believe in free enterprise and free speech. I believe our borders should be closed and illegals should be treated as criminals and not be given more benefits than even our own citizens are. I believe that animals should be protected, but not put above human life. I believe we should produce our own gas and oil and quit relying on the middle east. I believe that charity begins at home and instead of constantly giving other countries hand-outs and aide (natural disasters are not included in this) that we should be helping our own. I believe that government should slash their own paychecks and quit spending. I believe that we should be focusing on spending only that which is necessary and cutting back on or cutting out altogether that which are not an immediate need. I believe that ALL government offices should have term limits and that president should be a term of respect, not a term that we as a people are embarrassed to utter. I stand when the flag goes by, I am proud that my children not only know but still recite the Pledge of Allegiance and I firmly believe that we are all "one nation under God." So does this make me a liberal Republican, a conservative Democrat, a liberal conservative or does it simply make me a human being with my own thoughts and beliefs that yes.....they are part of who I am, but not the sum of all that I am?

I am sure my democrat/liberal friends could jump in here and tear me apart for any number of my beliefs and my republican/conservative friends could do the same. But I would hope that those of you who know me, know that while yes I do live my beliefs and am not afraid to back them up, also know that I don't disrespect those who believe differently than I do. I don't shut others down who respectfully express different opinions than I have and that I am always willing to listen and maybe even learn. That is what makes me not a political ideology......but a human being.

I have many friends with many strong political beliefs. I love you all regardless of where you fall politically. I just ask a favor of you all. This year, when you are standing on your political principals, please ask yourself when you start to throw the political mud 1) is this the time and place 2) am I helping my cause or simply making myself look narrow and ignorant 3) why do they believe the way they do? Could a little respectful education turn them around? 4) if I dive bomb them with my beliefs as if I am the only one who is I changing the world or their mind or am I just perpetuating what they already believe about me and 5) I am not talking to a lesser species.....I am talking to another human being and they deserve the same respect that I myself desire.

Life is too short to be angry and politics makes people angry. It makes people look at others negatively and tends to classify people in ways that never should be. If you speak out....speak with respect and conviction. If you are sure of where you stand and what you stand for, then you don't need to insult, belittle or bash someone else to prove your point. All you have to do is hold tight to what you know are truths. The rest will take care of itself.

So there you have it. Today's dislike. Now I think I will go back to nursing my headache. Hope you all have a pain free Thursday!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Bona Fide Miracle

Normally I am pretty unconcerned with the comments on my blog. I feel like it is everyones right to have a say and I don't believe that everyone likes me or my blog and therefore....I don't feel that everyone has to appease me and make me think they do. However today.....I am asking that anyone who comments, if you comment to please be kind as although today is about is more about my son who deserves nothing but happiness, joy and yes....kind comments. Tomorrow you can feel free to return to your regularly scheduled comments. :)

Today...even though the story is about was a no brainer, for on this day eleven years ago, I was blessed with an amazing miracle. I was blessed with David. He came into this world fighting and for the better part of five months....he lay between life and death. I had never known that someone could be beyond critical, but that was the state of David's life for what seemed like forever. I have told the story of David many times and if you would like to read it is. Today though, I am going to share with you what David did for me.

Before David was born we were a typical family. We all had separate lives that every once in awhile intersected, but that is how we survived. I took care of the kids, Tim worked and the kids had their lives which whenever possible....did not include the entire family. When I found out I was pregnant, we were all overjoyed as I had months earlier suffered a very early miscarriage that had left me reeling. We were really hoping for a girl this time but when we found out it was to be another boy.....I was secretly relieved, as I had already raised or help raise several I kinda knew what I was doing. A girl I think might just have terrified my very existence.

This pregnancy was different than the rest. This one wiped me out. My bed and I spent a great deal of quality time together as I would work around the house for half an hour and lay down for an hour. My body felt done in. The upside was my then four year old Z and I got to spend a lot of time together. When Mama laid down, Z was right next to her. I never watched so much Sesame Street and Barnie in my life. The blessing is still a time that both Z and I remember fondly as "our" time.

I was an average mom at the time. I was busy working two jobs and helping Tim cater. I managed to give the kids what they needed, but going above and beyond didn't happen much as there simply wasn't time. I took a lot for granted: kids crawling, walking, running, and eventually being independent. Life went by in such a blurr there was seldom time for me to think about blessings or be very grateful for what I had. I was just trying to get through the days and not fall on my face from exhaustion. Little did I know that my life would soon turn inside out and the same again.

When David arrived.....his life and mine were in grave danger, which explained the doctors and nurses standing around laughing and joking with me one minute and frantically getting me ready for surgery the next. Suddenly Tim and Z were being shoved out of my ER room and I was face to face with the head of the neonatal unit and her telling me that "if" my child survived he would be in her care. Twenty-seven weeks was so early and his chances were at the time....about 30%. Little did I know....nor am I sure would I have cared at that moment....but my own chances weren't very good either as I was bleeding internally and my hematacrit was 5 and going down. Poor Tim must have been terrified knowing that he could lose both his wife and son in a matter of minutes. It was something he never would talk about.

After David was born, it seemed like we were living in hell. After being given blood....I was up the next day walking back and forth to the NICU whenever they would let me. This was the first time I had heard the term beyond critical and I was afraid to leave his side. I was in love, terrified, and determined.....all at the same time. I was constantly cautioned that I was overdoing but I didn't care. If I was going to lose him....which I refused to do....I was going to be by his side. For those of you who do not believe in God, the power of prayer or faith.....I challenge you to go through a situation such as this and hold onto those non-beliefs. Because that time, in all of it's hell.....was wrapped in more blessings and miracles than anyone can imagine. It was such a unbelievable time that the neonatoligist a woman of pure science, who made no bones about her atheistic beliefs....told us the day that we walked out of  the hospital with him....that David was a bona fide miracle. Her exact words were....."too much went on with this case that was unexplainable and never should have happened. It is obviously that some Higher Power had a hand in your sons life." It was a WOW moment.

In those months waiting for him to turn a corner, waiting for him to breathe on his own, waiting to hear his little voice.....I found my family again. We stopped going in different directions as we were all now headed in one. We were all there for David. We all remembered that God gave us the greatest gift of all.....prayer and we used it to the fullest extent. I learned that my faith waned with exhaustion and fear, but Tim's burned with a fire I didn't know existed. He told me...."you have had all the faith in this relationship so it is time for me to have the faith for both of us." I saw a father that grew from this experience. No matter how tired he was after he worked his second shift job, he would head to the hospital and spend time with his child. And before he headed to work the next day....he was there again. The love and respect I gained for this man during this time was beyond belief.

My children were also amazing during this time. None felt slighted or jealous that mom and dad had to spend time at the hospital. Man Child stepped up to the plate and watched Z, kept the house clean and spent time at the hospital with me whenever he could. Z would always welcome me home with a hug and kiss and ask me how Baby David was doing. They were so good and I was so blessed.

During those months...... I was shaken to my vary core. I spent so much time on the NICU roller coaster ride. Things could change so quickly from bad to good and good to bad, we never knew what each day would hold. I learned to pray like I never prayed before. I learned that there are somethings in life that you simply have no control over. I learned that I did not pick out my husband....that God had picked him out and that God knew I would need him and no other man during this time in my life. I learned that faith is something that is not optional when you go through something like this, and I learned that God had blessed me with everyone and everything I needed to survive this time in my life.

The first five months of David's life set the stage for everything in his life to come. The fact that he survived the worst has made everything else.....acheiveable. Watching David grow I have learned to appreciate the things in life that I had always taken for granted. The normal milestones have become major accomplishments and I now see life through very different eyes. Davids birth was the beginning of many changes in my life. But David's life brought a strength to my life that I might not have had without him. I can honestly say that David changed my life in so many ways and brought me so many blessings that I never dreamed possible.

So today.....eleven years later.....I would like to wish my little man David, a very happy birthday. Thank you my wonderful son for all that you have brought to my life and all that you continue to bring. The doctor was truly are a bona fide miracle and your mama loves you more than life itself!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland.....Dating Site Crazy

Last week was an eye opener to me about the dating world. This is definitely not my mothers dating world. isn't even my dating world. It is this strange place in the online world where scary people spend their time lying, trying to "hook up" (not actually date) and feel the need to send complete strangers pictures of their genetiles. Yeah...that is the week I had.

You know I have lived in the town I live in for the better part of 30 years. I have heard over and over that you can't find love where you live. Well, maybe not be at least in this town I know what I am getting. You know the guys that work hard, the ones that work too hard and the ones who don't work at all. You know the bikers, the bullies and the bullsh!tters. You know the ones who are really good and the ones who are really bad. You know the liars, the cheaters and the schemers. You know the sinners and the saints....and town has them all. But at least know what you are getting. It is a whole new world on dating sites.

I belonged to three (3) dating sites for 9 days 13 hours 25 minutes and 15 seconds.....and then I was done. Now mind you, one of the sites was just an average site, one was the site where supposedly they checked you out right down to your blood type and asked you literally hundreds of questions and one.....was a Christian site. In those 9 days I had the date from hell, I had emails asking me information on my financial status, asking me if I was willing to have sex on the first date, asking me if I was willing to have a threesome with him and another supposed member, asking me if I was into bondage, and one asking me if I would do it with another woman so he could watch. Sadly....this was not even the worst of it. I also received two pictures of two different men's penises (neither of which I would have been putting on display), another picture which Guiness Book of World Records should be notified about, and a full frontal picture of a guy who obviously thought a picture of his nude body was an ice breaker to get to know me. In between all the fun dates, pornographic pictures and inquiring emails......I also got blasted by women from every directions. Apparently dating sites are dog eat dog....and the b!tches (trust me I don't use the word lightly) wanted these dogs for themselves. I got called every name you can imagine. I was told by some women to stay away from certain men (they were already someones property) and I was even propositioned by a woman. I guess the "searching for a man" alluded her.  It was a crazy world that this small town girl had no idea she was getting into.

Now I went into this thing fairly open minded and I do realize that these sites are only moderated to a point. If you get an interesting picture or message from someone, much like facebook you can report it, but undoubtedly little is done as two of the pictures were sent from men who had been members for over a year. I seriously doubt I was the first woman on the site who was given a peek at their goods. Perhaps if I was really desperate in finding someone, I would take the time to sift through all the crazies on there to find the ones who aren't. I am sure there are perfectly nice people there....but I don't have the time and after my 9 day stint....I don't have the desire either. The funny thing was......that before I started this whole internet dating thing....I had several people encourage me and tell me of their great experiences. Since though....I have had numerous people tell me of similar experiences as mine. Two people I know were even stalked by would be ending in an arrest. In my life....I  have my own kind of insane chaos.....I don't need full on crazy to add to the mix.

Needless to say.....internet dating is not my thing. I am not sorry I tried it though. I did learn a lot and it was a good way to move forward in this whole dating thing. And no....I haven't given up on dating. If anything it has made me more determined to find someone who is only Lisaland crazy and not full tilt dating site insane. I am still confident they exist. My next big adventure will be the shooting range. Now more than ever it seems.....I have reason to take out my aggression with a firearm and ammunition. I still am in search of a good support group although my chosen group may have changed. Do they have a support group for those that have been traumatized by dating sites? Just askin'!

So here is hoping that this week is much better than last and that all of you have a truly wonderful Tuesday!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Fall Flavors

I have high hopes for today and this week. Hopefully it will be good all the way around. It has to be good....after all I am getting a new tile kitchen floor. I can't wait. I am so sick of the peel and stick linoleum floor I am currently treading on. Don't get me has served it's purpose admirably, but after 5 years....I am in desperate need of a change. I am also getting some rewiring done so that I can hook up another oven. This is going to make cheesecake baking at the holidays much easier and much more efficient. I will soon be set.

So today is recipe day here in Lisaland. With the onset of fall, I thought I would share two yummy cool weather desserts. I am also going to start something new next week. I am going to start sharing the recipes of my readers, my friends and other bloggers. If you are a blogger, I will share your recipes and a link to your blog. If you are a reader or a friend I will share your recipe and as much or little info about you as you would like. I know everyone is getting tired of just hearing about what I cook and besides......we are almost at the end of my repertoire. So please, email me  or message me on fb and give me your recipes and I will be sharing them with the world (okay....the Lisaland world).

I am a very sensory type person and one thing I love in the fall is to smell fall. To me fall smells like apples, peaches, cinnamon and pumpkin. And there is nothing I like better than to propagate those smells with a little homemade (well sort of ) goodness. Fall always reminds me of my mom. Every year late summer and fall we would go to the local orchards and pick several bushel of peaches and apples and then Mom would spend two entire days baking about 50 pies. She would bake them until they were just about 30 min. from being done, then she would cool them, wrap theme in saran wrap and foil and  put them in the freezer. Then whenever she needed a pie she would pull one out and bake it for about 30 min. and it tasted like fresh. We used them all year round and she gave them as gifts. It was quite a good idea. The best part though was that for 48 hours....our house smelled like heaven.

While I do not have my mothers culinary ambition, I don't mind making a pie from time to time and I absolutely love cobbler. So today I am going to share with you my favorite apple pie recipe with a store bought crust.....sorry....I don't do crusts and then my favorite peach cobbler recipe with a little help from Bisquick. Yeah....I am not much of a scratch girl.

So my apple pie is one that Tim and I came up with. Of course he always made his own crust but as I said, I am substituting Pillsbury ready made crust or whatever kind of crust you like. So here is:

Tim's Caramel Apple Pie
1* Pillsbury ready made crust (top and bottom)
approx. 8-10 granny smith apples peeled and fairly thinly sliced
1/2- 3/4 cup sugar
1/4-1/2 cup loosely packed brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 bottle of ice cream caramel sauce
1Tbsp. butter/margarine melted
2-3tsp. sugar

 In a bowl mix sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg together. Then poor the sugar mixture over the apples and thoroughly cover. Let apples sit in sugar for 30 min. to an hour.
Put a bottom crust into a 10" pie plate. Pour apple mixture into the crust. The apples should be piled high inside the crust. Pour the caramel sauce over the apples. (Amount is however much caramel you like). Cover apples with top crust. Crimp edges. Cut slits in top of crust and brush melted butter over top. Sprinkle 2-3 tsp. of sugar over top. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 55 min. If edges start getting brown cover with foil or a crust cover. For best cutting let cool an hour, but can be served hot with ice cream and covered with caramel sauce. Fall just doesn't get better than this.

In this recipe, fall is at it's finest when the smell of peaches and nutmeg mingle while this tasty little cobbler is baking. Again....I short cut a bit with Bisquick but the finished result is so good!

Peachy Peach Cobbler
1 cup Original Bisquick baking mix
1 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 cup butter or margarine, melted
1 cup sugar
1 can (29 ounce size) sliced peaches, drained (you can also use about 6-8 fresh peaches...peeled, pitted and sliced) If you use fresh peaches use about 2 cups sugar and let peaches set in sugar for for about 20 minutes so they can get juicy. 

Stir together Bisquick, milk and nutmeg in ungreased square baking dish, 8x8x2 inches. Stir in butter until blended. Stir together sugar and peaches; spoon over batter. Bake at 375 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes or until golden. This is delicious served hot with ice cream and whipped cream or at my house we like it hot with a little milk poured on it. However you like your are guaranteed to love this.

Oh yeah. You gotta love fall. I know I do and just the thought of all that fall holds is putting me in a great mood today. Here is hoping your day is an awesome one! Happy Monday everyone.

Sunday, September 25, 2011


A new week. I am very grateful. This last week was full of ups and downs to the point that I didn't know whether I was coming or going. Strange week to say the least. I decided to make some important changes and now I think I am good to go. One thing that kept going through my head this week was....things are so crappy....I must not be praying enough.

Once again Father was psychic or he had a little angel on his shoulder as his sermon hit me squarely today. I always am afraid I don't pray enough. And I am always afraid that when I am extra fervent about my prayers, it is usually when I am in need. My prayers are often a little lot self serving. It makes me feel like much more of a taker than a giver. Father started his sermon with the movie Citizen Kane. All through the movie/story the word Rosebud is mentioned and finally on Kane's death bed....his last words were Rosebud. While I won't spoil the story for anyone who hasn't seen or read it, the bottom line is Rosebud meant something to Kane. In fact it meant so much..... that it is what his last thoughts were about. So Father asked.....what will be our last thought and words be? 

I have heard of many and have known a few whose last thoughts and words were Jesus/Lord/God! That is who they were thinking of and hoped to soon be seeing. It was there final thought, final word and final prayer. Father went on to say that just the word Jesus in a respectful thought or tone was a prayer in itself, because to say it....we at some level are thinking of Him. It is where are our heart, our mind and our lips combine to utter His name with reverence. Of course there are those who choose to go another route and utter His name in anger with selected expletives  attached to His name, but said in reverence and with respect.....the word Jesus alone is a prayers.

So Father went on to say.....if we think we are too busy to pray, just a simple utterance of His name and we are praying. And he said we should get used to this simple prayer as it maybe all we have time to say in our last moments. The sermon was both educational (to me anyway) and thought provoking. Something so simple as one word, spoken from the heart can be just as effective and important as a whole litany of words simply recited without thought.....or a bunch of words asking for what we think we want....but have no real idea what we need. covers everything. I think I will be praying a whole lot more often now.

My email was full this morning of readers who felt as if I copped out yesterday by not actually writing a blog and resurrecting an old one. To those of you who felt apologies. However......even though I am a blogging maniac of sorts.....there are still those days that life seems to spin out of control and the time to do what I want as opposed to the time to do what I need....slips away. I didn't though leave you empty handed and I was told by two people that they didn't even know any blogs of mine existed before 2011. Surprise! If you would ever like to read my older stuff......just click on From Beginning to End and Back Again......... at the top of the page and it will open you up to all my previous blogs.

Well....tis time for me to get some important stuff done. I hope this finds you all happy and healthy and that today starts a wonderful new week for you all. Happy Sunday everyone!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Out of the Vault I am pretty rant free. Maybe it is because I have been pretty much ranting every day this week or maybe it is because I am beyond tire. Imagine that....I am too tired to rant. Who would have thunk it?

Since I am neck high in dirty laundry, dirty dishes and dirty bathrooms I decided today might be a good day to step into the vault and resurrect an old blog that was a rant before I ever "officially" started ranting. So today I give you To Healthy to Insure. I hope you have a wonderful Saturday....and I promise to be back in full rant form next week. Happy Saturday everyone!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Motherhood For Dummies....The Dating Game

As I was getting ready this morning, I was thinking to myself. You matter how many decades of motherhood you have under your belt nor how many kids you have raised, there will always be things that come up in the world of parenting that you wish you had an instructional manual for. the very least....a guide book. I have been doing this mother thing for a long time now and once again....I am stuck. My quandary this time? How do you be a mom and date? Yeah....I know, this week in blogs seem to be referencing my dating life (or lack there of) a lot. However, it is a very real and valid issue. Especially in this day and age.

I remember a my life time in fact, that parents having to date and juggle children was almost a non-issue. Divorce was not prevalent and a lot of people chose not to try again after widowhood. Only in more recent decades has multiple marriages and dating with kids become a "thing!" And I must say, my own mother did not set a very good example for me. My parents divorced when I was in the 3rd grade and Mom never dated again. Heck. Mom never had a social life again. She made myself and my brother her entire life and not one move did she make outside our house that we weren't attached at her hip. I have no idea whether it was because she didn't want to go through the hurt of a relationship again or if she felt that she owed it to us kids to give us as "normal" a life as possible. Whatever the case, I didn't get my post break-up dating finesse from my mother.....which maybe explains a little (or a lot).

Now don't get me wrong. I have been a single mom and dated before. Back when it was just Man Child and me, I was very young and I did date then. Much of that was because a) I was very young and b) my mom sent me out the door with the security that she was always available to babysit (because she had no life of her own.) Also, I had my priorities pretty skewed back then. I was too young to realize that Mom was not suppose to be "helping" me raise Man Child. I was suppose to be raising him on my own and quite possibly sacrificing some of life's pleasures such as an active dating and social life. My how times have changed. I am an old single mom now and the rules as well as the life style have apparently changed.

Now......I don't have "help" doing a lot of things, much less raising my kids and making sure I have an active anything! So how do you do this thing? In the last few is has been the first time in 10 years that I felt I might be ready to put myself back out there. My friends I think.....believe I am more ready than I am, but they are right....I should be out there at least making the effort. And since I don't have the luxury of a nanny or a close by grandparent, often my socializing options are limited. This is the very reason I broke down and tried the whole on-line dating thing. So many people seemed to have success with it and the convenience of getting all the preliminary dating garbage out of the way before you actually had to leave your house seemed somewhat appealing. Strangely, my on-line dating experience doesn't seem to emulate anyone elses I have heard of. Mine has been like stepping into some convoluted episode of the Twilight Zone....or perhaps one of the many levels of hell! I am sure I have done something wrong....but at this point, I really don't care. It is not working out at all. However, one question has been asked of me several times by several of those who claim to want a chance with me and that is......Are you always going to put your kids first? Huh??? Really??? And this from guys who say they themselves have kids. I am floored at this question.

Perhaps there is a double standard here. Maybe I am being unfair just because of social norms. It is quite obvious to get the reaction that I do that these guys either only raised their kids part time, or their kids are grown and working around their schedules is no longer an issue. However when I point out that I am first and foremost a primary/only parent and that David does now and most likely will for several years to come need me above an beyond what most kids need, my stock in the dating world seems to plummet. WHY? Or maybe a better question is.....what am I doing wrong....short of abandoning my children so that I can have a social life, what are the rules to this game?

Now I am sure single/divorced/widowed dads have some of the same issues, but since I can't speak for them and only myself, it appears that most men get the better end of the deal in this whole thing. Where kids are shouldn't be this difficult. If I were dating a guy with a kid(s) first of all I would be fully aware that a certain amount of flexibility would be necessary to make things work. You never know when a child is going to get sick, hurt or have a melt down which will make all previous plans (no matter how long planned for, how much the non-refundable deposit is, nor how badly you needed out of the house) null and void. Also I know that when you are a single parent....especially if you are a single parent, all sporting events, music recitals and parent teacher conferences take presidence over a social life. And finally I realize that very few dates are going to be just him and I. Many are going to involve him, I and variations of our children. That is just the world of dating with kids. To fight it is futile and if you have a guy with kids who doesn't play by these rules with his own know he won't play by them with yours. Simple as that. And sadly....most that I have run into don't.

So again I does this work? I have kids. My kids are now and always will be my priority. With their was easy because they were his priority too. Now one but me apparently sees them as a priority. So all things are contingent upon what is going on in their world before I can commit to anything (including a date) in my world. Am I being ridiculous not just dropping my kids with sitters or leaving David with Z all the time so that I can go find me a man? Am I out of line or simply out of my mind thinking that a guy is going to come along who realizes how important raising kids is and understands that even if I wanted to, I couldn't drop everything on a whim and be with him if David is sick or Z had a music event? Why can't there be some guy out there that would say, "I will just head on to your house, pick up some burgers and help you take care of David," or how about "Do you mind if I come with you to Z's concert? I would love to see him perform?" Where is that guy and honestly....does he even exist? 

Sigh....this whole motherhood dating thing is tough. Again...instructions would be nice and short of that, advice from someone who has been there and survived to come out on the other side not stark raving mad would be wonderful. More and more to me...this seems like a lose lose proposition. If I don't make my kids a priority just so I can date....that makes me a bad mom and if I do make my kids a priority and insist that my dates do too....or at the very least respect the fact I do.....then that makes me an undesirable date. Where is the happy medium? Oh this dating game is tough one. Too many twists and turns and crazies on the side. I am not sure that this is a game I can win. However...I have not given up yet and we will just have to see what tomorrow brings.

So here is hoping that your life handbook has better instructions than mine. Happy Friday everyone!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I Choose to Like

Thursday? Already? No....really. Why isn't it Friday yet? What a week. So To Like or Not To Like? There was so much about this week that I just really did not like. In fact, if I tried to type it all.....I am pretty sure I would end up with a massive case of carpal tunnel. Bottom line though....nothing horrific happened this week in Lisaland. So in actuality....I have much to be grateful for and I am. I decided then, instead of spouting off about what I have already blogged about daily, that I would choose to like. Maybe I need to focus on something that make me happy and the things that I am just down right grateful for. So enjoy your Thursday as you get to find out.....just what I like today!

I like Sonic Route 44 diet cherry vanilla sprites. The waitress the other day called it "sunshine in a cup," and really that is a pretty accurate description.

I like shoes....especially heels. I like them in all shapes and colors because shoes are just happy apparel.

I dearly love to listen to Z sing and watch him perform. I never knew I could feel such pride or be touched in such a way as to watch my son touch others with his talent.

I can't explain the pure joy I feel when I hear David laugh. Not just laugh, but one of those huge belly laughs that is so contagious that everyone else follows suit. To know where he came from and where he is is simply one of the best feelings I have ever felt.

I like roses. I actually LOVE roses. I am especially fond of yellow or orange roses. Give me a rose with a combination of both colors....and I am in heaven. The look and the smell just brighten a room.

I like thunderstorms. I like low rolling thunder with flashes of lightening and soft soothing rain. It always touches my soul and makes me smile.

I love spending time with my friends and laughing with them. I have many friends from many different chapters in my life. There is nothing better that spending time with them and just laughing until we cry. It doesn't matter whether it is playing cards, painting a room or going out and having fun. I just love laughing and love love love my friends.

I like ice cream in the winter and chili in the summer. Yeah....I am crazy. Have we not already established that? 

I like pigs. No....I LOVE pigs. I love everything from pig stationary to pig cooking utensils. I even like those huge pigs at the zoo (but only at a distance).

I like front porches and front porch swings.

I like rainbows and storm clouds.

I like planning events and working in the community.

I like to dance (even though no one wants to see it) and sing (even though no one wants to hear it.)

Most of all though.....I like to blog and I like/love/adore my readers.

I would say I am just one pretty lucky girl. And I would like it very much if you all.....had a wonderful Thursday!