How Do You Like Me Now?

Today's story about me....actually has to do with my children.....which has everything to do with me. My children's safety, happiness and health affect my life tremendously and if one of those things (safety, happiness or health) are adversely affected, then my world seems to swing out of kilter. Right now....I'm swinging.

This morning....on my way to work, God and I had one of our famous conversations. Conversation meaning that I talked, ranted, raved and yes....there might even have been some tears, and then....I listened. I am still listening and waiting for direction, answers....help. It will come I know...... and in His time, not mine. All the while, I hope to hold onto my sanity and be the person He obviously has faith that I am and not turn out to be the personal that I actually fear I am.

If you know me or read my blogs, you know that my family has nothing if it does not have health issues. Every six months I go through the wonder and waiting to find out if yet again.....I have dodged the cancer bullet that has interwoven itself in my family tree and looms eerily over all of us. Then there is David who has had health issues of some form since birth and in recent years has developed seizure issues that have kept me from many a nights sleep and have had me hyperventilating into a paper bag more than once. Now there is Z. Sadly....with Z I hover between frustration, anger and pure fear. I just want to say.....Grrrrr. And thus brings us to today's story.

When Z was young....he loved school and wouldn't miss even with a 103 temp unless I just forced him. Once he hit middle school though and the bullying began, he was sick all the time. Mostly it was just a way not to have to go to school and deal with the hell that awaited him each day from both students and teachers. When I pulled him out and he went to Eschool.....the illness was gone and other than the occasional allergy attack and one bout with strep throat, he was perfectly fine. Then May of 2010 hit. He was sick. He seemed to have a horrible flu and he had no energy. He would literally fall asleep talking to you. Finally after 24 hours of throwing up I took him to the ER. After blood work he was diagnosed with mono. There is no treatment for mono except rest. They told us the worst would be over in about two weeks. His lagged on for about 8. In August, he started back to school....actual school, not the E kind. Almost from the get go, he was missing school complaining of headaches, body aches and nausea. He was throwing up quite a bit. The doctor finally in Oct. did another blood draw and found that apparently he still had mono. ARRRRGGGGGHHHH! The rest of the year was a roller coaster ride of headaches, nausea, dizziness and of course.....missing school. Z would have stretches of good days and then stretches of bad. As hard as I tried not to.....my attitude towards his health was turning very negative. I was frustrated and then.....it all evened out and for the most part, there were no issues. Happy sigh!

Now we are less than a month into school and it has all started again. Headaches, nausea, dizziness and pain in his feet. All of this....almost since day one. WTH? He has only missed two days of school (yesterday being one of those days) but he has been to the doctor three times. Finally last week they decided to do some more blood work on him. The doctor seemed to think it was possibly a recurrence of mono....yet again. NOOOOOOOOO! Not three times. They did an Epstein Barr test on him which is the virus that causes mono. And so we waited for results. Yesterday Z goes to school and by 10 a.m. I had been called by the school nurse. He was running a fever, with all the usual complaints. I was on my way. In the process of all of this...the doctors office called to tell me that Z's blood work was back and it showed that he had NEVER had mono. Again WTH? The doctor then said they wanted to see him immediately just to feel around on his stomach and check his liver and spleen and then also to take more blood. Apparently the doctor started doing some research and all signs were leading to some sort of auto immune disease. For the third time....WTH? I was seriously considering just driving into a ditch and not moving. Of course I didn't.

So after finding out that Z's liver and spleen felt fine and that no lymph nodes were protruding.....they took about 30 gallons of blood from him and set him up with a Infectious Disease doctor....oh and a recheck with a cardiologist as we found last October that he had aortic valve stenosis which has to be monitored yearly. Yay us! So this is where we currently stand. My family is full of all kinds of fun hereditary type genes and diseases. Cancer is just one of the fun ones. We also have lupus and her first cousin rheumatoid arthritis along with their friend schlerederma. We also have Raynauds and Fibromyalgia. All of these are considered auto immune diseases...many my mother herself had and several are spread out amongst her brothers and sisters and my first cousins and then onto the next generation which includes Z. I am a ball of nerves. Blood work results should be back by Friday and that is when Z and I go talk to the ID doctor. Z is home again today with a spiking temp, painful feet and feeling sick. Poor kid.

It was really hard on the way to work not to feel defeated. I was feeling horrible for Z, horrible for myself and wondering when would be a good time to throw in the towel?! Thus the conversation with God. Somewhere in the midst of all of this I remembered that nothing happens without a reason and all things have a purpose....most of which are life lessons. So yes God....I am listening and I am holding on by what little threads there are left. But please............HURRY!!!!!!

So while this may not be a story per se......this does give you a little window into that which is my life and why I am always this crazy, neurotic, hair grabbing, gray going, nearly nuts individual. All that is left to do is ask so.......... how do you like me now?

Hope your Wednesday is going great and that all your speed bumps are small and your joys.....abundant. Happy Wednesday all!