Friday, September 9, 2011

Motherhood for Dummies....Selective Memory

I have decided that parents are the most under appreciated people on Earth. And because I am a mom.....I will even take this one step further and say that mothers are probably at the bottom of the food chain. If I didn't already think this.....a conversation between Z and I last night solidified it.

I have experienced selective memory from my children many times, but last night I was thinking how unfair it is that we have these kids before they ever have solid memories. They don't realize the heartburn, the leg cramps and the fact that we have to pee every thirty seconds when they are in the womb. They have no recollection of the nights we walk the floor or drive aimlessly in the car just trying to sooth them. And they don't seem to remember all the cuddling and loving they got when they fell down and bruised themselves or became frustrated trying to learn to walk and talk and feed themselves. There is no appreciation for the thousands of meals we have fixed them, the millions of dollars we have spent on them or the nights we lay awake worrying about their health, their education......their futures. Yeah.....motherhood is a thankless job made more so by selective memory.

So as Z and I sat talking last night....he let me know how unfair I was being not being a sympathetic mother. In light of his current health status and us actually not knowing what his current health status is, he is feeling really bad and I am making him go to school. I am forcing him to attend class, pay attention and do his homework when he is ill. I am making him grow up too fast by not allowing him to be a kid and be sick (yeah....I didn't understand that last part either). Basically....I am  just a half a step above Attila the Hun in my parenting style and I have left him to raise himself since he was old enough to walk. REALLY???? I let him continue on. Where his health was concerned....the only thing I have ever done for him is call the doctor and take him in, because.....well....apparently I have to. Other than that.....he has been fending for himself for years and in light of his current fragile looks as if he will just have to continue on.

OMG....I just wanted to strangle the poor, pitiful, motherless thing. Luckily he is not the first child I have dealt with......with this selective memory issue. I also have dealt with the issue of being too lenient on things only to have that adult child come back and yell at me for being too lenient thus ruining his life. I believe the exact words were: "you were the parent. Why did you let me (the kid) get by with it?"  Sometimes parenting is just lose lose! So as Z talked ranted on....I listened. Finally he took a breath with tears in his eyes obviously feeling that his rant was justified and that quite possibly he had shown me the error of my parenting ways. Little did he know that while he was telling me that he was practically raising himself, my mind was recalling a few tid bits that made his argument null and void.

Now before I go further....let me explain something here. The reason Z is still standing today and not walking funny because I kicked his tush over this entire thing is because.....I realize he really does feel bad. His head hurts, his stomach hurts, his feet hurt and he keeps spiking temps only to have them break and leave him drenched in his own sweat. He is tired all the time, irritable and quite frankly.....I feel for the kid. I didn't feel that an @$$ kicking at this point would help the situation any, however a little dose of reality might.

I began my retort by filling in some of those blank areas which his mind seemed to have forgotten or at the very least....glossed over. You know, the ones where I have fed him, clothed him and carted him around since birth. Then we went back over all the "things" that I have done for him. Special things like movie days, trips to different places, my basement filled with his friends and times when just him and I went places and did things. Then I went over all the times I have left work to pick him up and take care of him when he was sick, the ER visits and the hospital stays where I slept in a chair and never left his side. I finished up with the fact that I have always had his back when his dad died, when he was bullied and I had to deal with the school and now that he is having these issues and again I am having to deal with the school. So why does he not remember these things? Because they are taken for granted. They are expected......because that is what moms do. Wait!!!!!! Hold the boat! I am doing what mom's are suppose to do? By this was beginning to sink in that far from raising himself....he has been raised all these years. And while I am not mother of the year.....even Attila might have turned out better had he had a mom that loved him as much as I love my offspring. All satisfaction at a point well made had left Z's face. He knew that he was full of $hit and he knew I knew it too.

I followed all of this up by explaining to him why I insisted he go to school even though he felt bad. Why I expected him to do his best to focus and be there to learn. Why I insisted he do his school work and get it in on time. Because life doesn't always give us an easy path. Sometimes there are obstacles and we have to learn to adjust. We have to learn to overcome and yes....sometimes we have to go to school, go to work and live life not feeling our best. If Z turns out to have some auto immune disease....chances are he is going to have many times in life that he doesn't feel well, but he can't stop living because of it. He has to fight through and make himself come out the other side a winner. As I told him....if I didn't make him fight every day, then someday in the not so far off future.....he and I would be having the conversation of "Mom....why didn't you make me?" and I personally was not up for having another one of those.

By the time we were through.....I believe Z's selective memory was more in line with least for now. This won't be our last conversation like this and six months from now....he will probably have forgotten this one. Again.....being a mom can really suck. However, when you have a good kid like Z.....much can be overlooked and even I can have selective memory.

So here is hoping that you have a memorable Friday. Happy Friday everyone!


Anonymous said...

Once again proof that your life is about you and no one else. Give this kid a break. If he is sick he is sick. Glad you are not my mom!

Marni said...

Sometimes as a parent one of the hardest parts of being a mom is to teach our kids to fight through issues (being sick, peer problems...) As much as we would love to just let them crawl back into bed and let the world go away its OUR JOB to help them fight through it and realize that life does continue on and they have to too.
Z is a great kid.....and like other issues he will fight through this one and continue on with his every day life. With a Mom as strong as you are.....he can only succeed!!!!

J'nelle said...

Honestly Anonymous, is that what you got out of this blog? Do you even have kids? I am thinking that this post makes cmom one of the best moms around. She is making her kid fight through the tough times. All kids should be brought up like that and then maybe there wouldn't be so many whiny, entitled types running around. I love this cmom. Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, I like being able to post as anonymous but I must say, you are giving the rest of us anonymous's a bad name. I love cmom's work and I really like this piece. So cmom please don't confuse this anonymous with the other one.

Anonymous said...

"Z" Who calls their kid Z? That right there set him up for ridicule from birth. No wonder he was bullied. Then I have seen how you say you treat your kids and the general population around you. You are simply not a nice person and the fact that all your fans find you funny, wonderful and charming really turns my stomach. You can't deal with the tough stuff but you think your kid should. That is hypocracy!

Marni said...

Anonymous.....ROTFL!!! You need to get a new lightblub because youres has gone out!! "Z"s a NICKNAME!!! REally???!!! Thanks so much for that laugh!!!!!!
And you should speak NOTHING about what you do not know!! You just have no clue. Another ROTFL!!!
I know that Cmom is giong to get a great laugh out of your post!!!

Thiry said...

Z is for freaks like you keep him Anon...get my drift...

Anonymous said...

I'm going to take a guess that Anonymous wears mandies and shops at Walmart at the beginning of every month after receiving his government entitlement check.

And dude. It's a blog. Who is it supposed to be about? You? Please.

Go write your blog we so can begin a written assault, or better yet ignore what is most likely a pathetically boring life.

Steve J.

Anonymous said...

This is so true! My daughter recently became a mom (yes, I know I look too young to be a gma). Any way, she posted on FB that she would like to be cuddled, fed, burped, rocked and have every need met all day long! My response......"don't you remember?" (oh yeah, thanks mom!)