Saturday, July 16, 2011

Painting, Relationships and Prayers

Late yet again. I am so on a roll of procrastination mixed in with just a bit of busy.  Z made it in last night around 1 looking like he could barely keep his eyes open. He karaoked and spent time with his girl, but today and tomorrow are "non-fun" days. He was up at 9 this morning and off to mow one of his yards and then home to clean up, eat and then head to work. Weird, that he is there and I am here. Thiry and I took the morning shift and sanded and filled in holes in David's therapy room. Berty and I will take the afternoon shift cleaning woodwork and possibly priming walls. I am so not into painting...and yet in the last few years I have painted more times than I would like to even remember. Guess that is one of God's little cosmic jokes.

Last night was interesting. I had trouble falling asleep despite my exhaustion because of two people I have grown to love. One is a young woman who is trying to find herself in a relationship and the other is the one whom she is in the relationship with. Both are young and both are struggling. He is trying desperately to understand her and she is trying to work through her fears. She has seen a lot of relationships not work in her family and I think she is scared. I think they are a couple that can work, but "work" will be the key word. Not sure that both parties are willing to put the kind of work into the relationship that is necessary. Of course....from my stage of life and being on the outside looking is much easier for me to see things clearly than it is for them. If they were both willing to work at this....I can foresee them being one of "those" couples who 50 years from now is still going strong. However....if they allow fear and frustration and a bunch of second guessing to get in the way, they will be finished before they even get started.....and they will forever be for each other....the one that got away. I truly hope that is not the outcome. This is relationship two that I have watched be on the brink of disaster recently. Sadly relationship one crashed and burned and that couple will be left with nothing but "what ifs" down the line. Sigh! The only positive here is.....neither are my relationships. Not that I have a relationship....but if I did.......well who's to say?

So my aunt by marriage has two new grand babies. I have mentioned them before, but unfortunately the one whose life started out rocky.....continues to struggle. In so many ways this is like living life almost 11 years ago. He started out in the NICU with issues. He had to have heart surgery and then his condition deteriorated. After a while though.....he showed signs of improvement. He was taken off the vent(breathing machine) and he was doing much better. Now he is back in PICU with congestive heart failure. They are saying that they don't believe he has brain activity, he is not urinating, every time he is touched he has seizures and he is back on the vent. It is almost like reliving Davids precarious start. We were told they did not believe he had brain activity. After almost a knock down drag out between my mother and the doctor, we found he did in fact have brain activity. We contemplated having to fly him to Children's Mercy in KC because he was not urinating and they felt that his kidney's were shutting down. CM was where they had infant dialysis, but he was too small for dialysis so we would basically be sending him there to die. Before the consult was over......after 48+ hours of no urination......HE PEED! And each and every time we tried to take him off the vent.....he had to be bagged as he couldn't breath on his own. The worst though was not being able to touch him because each touch over stimulated him to the point of causing seizures. I have been there. But....David was a fighter and he survived against all odds and showed us all just how real miracles are. I know this little one's future looks grave and there is the possibility that his survival is simply not in God's plan, but there is also the possibility that this little guy is stronger than any of us know and that maybe.....just maybe.....he is the miracle that someone needs to see. So please...if you pray, say a special one for little Henry and if you don't.....maybe today would be a good day to start!

Well, I guess I really should do something constructive. I am still tired, but at least functional. Not sure that will be the case if I spend any more time I guess I better get busy. And so that brings us to the musical portion of our program. The 30 Day Song Challenge. Today's song? Day 16: A song that you used to love but now hate. This is easy. There is only one song I can think of that makes me feel this way. Years ago I was dating a guy whom I thought I was crazy in love with. Turns out he was just crazy (and abusive) and I was even crazier for thinking love had anything to do with it. At the time the movie Against All Odds was out and I loved it. (Don't even remember anything about it anymore) however the song that came from that movie was one of my favorites and me in my blinded and abused stupor thought this was "our" song. Once I wised up and realized how dysfunctional the relationship was and how stupid I was for not realizing it a whole lot sooner.....this song became an embarrassing reminder of my bad judgement. Pretty song maybe.....but to this day every time I hear it.....I die a little inside knowing just how stupid I was. Here is Phil Collins and Take a Look at Me Now!

Hope you have a cool, comfortable and gloriously happy Saturday!

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