Thursday, July 21, 2011

An Uneven Life

I was asked a question the other day about my blog. The question was, "Why do your blogs go from deathly serious to almost hysterical in nature? They just seem so uneven sometimes." I have quoted this question verbatim. The answer is....because my life goes from deathly serious at times, to almost hysterical in nature and my blog....believe it or not....mirrors my life fairly closely. Yes life is every bit as manic as my writing. This kind of fits in with this weeks Blogger Idol Challenge. If you read me consistently, then you know I have already written my play along piece, but I did go and read the actual players pieces and believe me, the reading was both great and educational. The challenge was What is writing to you? (By the way....slip by there and vote today!!!) Many of the writers said the same thing in different ways. At times in their lives and some possibly even now, can put into print what they could never say in a face to face conversation. Sometimes social situations are awkward and uncomfortable and they feel anything but in control. On paper however....they control all in their domain. They are often informative, direct, mouthy and often times funny. All aspects of their character that they only feel comfortable with in their blogs, journals, or on paper. To meet many of these might not recognize them as the individuals you read. Writing is the voice they wish they had in the real world. Now this is not to say that some of the writers don't write the way they truly are...but most don't.

As a kid, I was  awkward. I seemed to always say the wrong thing at the wrong time and found myself snickered at a lot by the other kids. Even at home I think sometimes my family wondered how I could be so verbally clumsy. Speaking in front of more than one person was excruciating and could bring on thoughts of fainting, puking or both. When I started writing stories though....and people actually started reading them (I wrote for the high school newspaper.....they had no choice) then I noticed people starting to view me differently. My words on paper were far more poignant and emotional not to mention eloquent than anything that had ever come out of my mouth. I remember thinking that if I could just never have to speak and only life would be perfection. I could say things to people through the written word that I could never verbally express. It was like a Jekyll and Hyde thing. When I wrote...I was beautiful, expressive even desirable, but when I actually spoke...sometimes my words were awkward, ugly and even hideous (at least in my head).

Now that I am older, because of jobs I have had and life experience......I have learned to hold my own in a one on one conversation. I can even speak in front of a group and neither faint nor puke. Sometimes though....I do still feel awkward and as if I have a huge foot hanging out of my mouth. Old habits die hard I guess. I still though prefer the written word, but no longer to replace my social skills and now more as a way to share. Writing has become my pathway to people I don't see on a regular basis. It is my way of expressing myself and sharing those day to day experiences that happen to everyone....but don't always feel that way. And yes....some days my blogs are funny....just because that is how I have to make them to get through that particular day. One of the writers in BI said it best when she said that she has to write funny.....because her life is totally unfunny. I so understand that. From the outside looking in and especially being on the inside.....often my life is anything but funny, but if I don't add humor or make myself find some...I would go crazy and take everyone in Lisaland down with me.

So yes....sometimes I am funny. Even down right hysterical. Other days I am blah and I am sure it shows in my blog. And still other days I am in pain, hurting, frustrated or just mad and again......the blog hides nothing, and that is the really cool thing about my blog. As I said...this one in particular mirrors my life. I would bet you money that many of my friends who have known me for years.....know me better now because of my blog. And some of you who don't know me.....are probably counting your blessings about now. So possibly this answers the question of why my writing is so uneven....because I am uneven. My life is uneven and all in Lisaland seems to just be a bit off kilter!

Day 21 of the 30 Day Song Challenge.....A song that you listen to when you’re happy. Some of these seem a bit repetitive, however.....lucky for all of us, I have many songs that make me happy. This song is an older song but takes me back to a really happy time in my life and whenever I hear just naturally makes me happy all over again. Tara...Berty....this songs for you. Here is Sylvia and Nobody!

It's almost the weekend! Everyone have a very HAPPY Thursday!

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