The Situation

So it's been a few days since I have barraged you with my thoughts and introspection on our "situation". Your welcome! Yes, I am back.

What is the update? That is the question I have been asked a million times in the last week and the truth is, there have been no definites and still aren't any, but here is the current status of our life.

We have had snow and ice most of the week and school has been called off three days in a row. We have cabin fever and my usually dazzling personality is absolutely dimming. The upside to this is, I have a really great lawyer. This man is kind and takes a lot of time and attention to detail. He listens to me and lets me ask questions and that in and of itself is amazing. Still, though...this is a tough situation and me not being privy to all the why's and wherefores that are behind this whole decision to evict us and sell my home, makes for a less than cut and dried case. Add to that, the opposing attorney is not exactly being forthright (as is her right) and the legalities are tough, but then again, most worthwhile things in life are tough and I am no stranger to this.

I will say that I have had some surprising and totally unexpected avenues appear on the horizon and there is great hope that my goal of saving David's house will be met. Prayer and faith are amazing things and I am grateful that my mother instilled great faith in me and that my family, friends and complete strangers have bestowed many many prayers on this situation and I do believe that mountains may be moving.

We currently have approximately $16,000 in donations alone which is unbelievable in such a short time. The donations have come from all over but the majority have originated right here in our community, which is amazing. My community is not one of great financial wealth, but it is one of great kindness, generosity, faith and love. This is beyond evident when you see all that have jumped in to help us and make sure that David's home remains his.

On top of the donations, a Save David's Home fundraiser has been planned for March 10th. It will be a chili cinnamon roll feed(it's a Mulvane thing) until 3:30 p.m. and from 5:30 on it will be hot dogs and a cheesecake bar. Throughout the day  there will be a silent auction and bake sale. The items that are being donated for the auction are amazing as are the donations for supplies to make the food. It is simply overwhelming to see so much love for David.

Another fundraiser is being planned for April 7th at a local restaurant. It will be a bierock casserole dinner. We are also working on a quartermania as well as a few other things that are still being talked about. It is a huge amount of money being sought after by a town full of huge hearts.

Now back to the situation. My lawyer was hoping that in light of the many different and extenuating circumstances, that we might get until the end of May to do our fundraisers and get the money raised, without having to get the court involved. It would definitely take some of the extreme pressure and stress off of me with David's upcoming surgery.

People may not realize this, but along with helping to plan and implement all of the fundraising stuff, I still have a house to take care of (yes....David's house), laundry to do, David to take care of, David's appointments to go to and other things pertaining to David as he is turning 18 this year and I have a great deal of paperwork and legal work that has to be done there too, so yeah....a little bit of an extension would have gone a long way to keeping my blood pressure from going sky high and my brain from exploding. No such luck. In fact, his request was met with an emphatic NO! and the counter offer was that we could have until March 31st (David will likely still be in the hospital at that time) and in order to get that much time, I had to get a letter from a financial institution saying that I could get the money and get a letter from David's doctor saying that he in fact was having surgery in March. Can you believe that? I have to prove that David is having surgery, as if I would lie about that....or anything for that matter. It was so disheartening but at least it gave us an actual 30 day extension. Thank you God.

Yesterday I had to write a letter that was extremely hard as a first step to negotiating more time. The letter was to let them(the opposing side) know that I was not trying to be difficult and that I was trying to put the best interest of everyone in the forefront. I was told to include details of David's surgery, why the house was originally promised to us and how I felt about receiving the eviction papers that day. It was so hard because as I wrote it, I had to go back to David's birth, his diagnosis's, Tim dying, Mom dying and my dad feeling that my kids had been through so much and he wanted to offer them/us a place of comfort after all the turmoil and sadness. I had to remember telling him how much I appreciated his offer of us moving in to this home, but I couldn't do it if we would just have to move again. The kids had just been through too much. Then there was the unexpected kindness from him, telling me that this would be our home as long as we wanted it. It would be our forever home. 

Then I had to go over David's health and his upcoming surgery along with his previous surgeries. I had to give details about David that since they are family, they should already know and have some understanding and compassion for. But then I realized that the whole reason we are going through this is because they simply do not.

Finally I had to understand as I wrote this letter, that I might as well have been pleading my case...our case to complete strangers, because the reality is, they don't know me at all. They don't know what I do or how I have fought all of these years to raise my kids, take care of David and respect this home all on my own. They don't know the tears of frustration I have shed at times realizing that I was doing this by myself....something I never signed on for. They don't know the nights I didn't sleep or sat in ER's and hospital rooms again, by myself. They don't know the times I have sat next to David while he was sick or septic and wondered if those were our last moments together. No, they don't know me. And what's worse is, they don't know David. They have never bothered to know David because he was loud, or he didn't communicate well or that he wasn't their vision of normal. They never got to know him and his love of Spongebob and Cops. They never watched his excitement as he walked with his walker and greeted people in his path. And they never got to hear his amazing belly laugh when something was funny to him, causing everyone else in the room to laugh too. Because if they had, if they cared, then this would never be happening.

If they knew us, then we would mean something to them and if we meant something to them, then consideration would have been given to our situation. I would have been part of the decision making process. I would have had a voice in all of it and most importantly.....David would have mattered. So yes, the letter was very hard for me. Much harder than I ever imagined something could be. Realizing the truth is sometimes a difficult thing.

Today, I begin again and continue to fight. There are positive things in the wings that along with the fundraisers and donations, are quietly coming to fruition. There is much hope and I know in my heart that we will not lose our home and that in the process, I am learning many valuable lessons about life, people and appreciation. I am at peace and I am grateful.

So that my friends is the situation.

#savedavidshome
#fightfordavid

Questions and Answers

First of all....this blog is very important. I ask you to read and share to answer any and all questions!

So it has been twelve days since I have been told that we had to be out of our house by March 1st. That means there are fourteen days until the deadline. WoW! As I have stated before, my lawyer is confident that the current deadline will be dissolved and A new one put in place. One that will allow for time for David's surgery and him to come home to his home and recuperate.

It has come to me that in all that I am asking of others, that there might be some questions about all of this and the monies involved. Today, I hope to answer any questions that I think some of you might have.

We all know that I am asking for help raising a huge amount of money and when people are giving their hard earned money, there are naturally questions involved. Here I hope to answer some of those questions that I think might be on your mind.

In this day and age, where scams run amok, what is to keep people from thinking that I might not just be running a scam or worse, misusing funds that are donated to Save David's Home? Truthfully, some of this you just have to take on faith and on my good word. Since my situation is pretty much out there for the world to see, it would not be hard to check it out. As for the misuse of funds? I have another individual on the donation account with me, as well as there are many on the fundraising team who are aware that as little money as possible touches my hands. 

The Carson Bank account is where all donation funds end up and because there are two of us on the account, I can do nothing on it without the other person knowing. That and I can assure you with my years of learning how to live off below poverty wages, I can make money stretch.

Am I completely aware of what is entailed in home ownership and will I be able to afford all that it entails if I get to keep David's home? Yes. I am fully aware of taxes and I know how much they are yearly as well as insurance and upkeep. I already have renters insurance and I will simply step that up to home owners insurance. As for taxes, yes....I can handle them. And upkeep? I have been doing that all along living here these last 15 years so this will be nothing new to me. 

What happens to all of the money if people donate and we don't reach our goal and can't save the house? Well, our goal is to save the house and one way or another, I hope to do just that. However, if the worst happens and I am unable to do this, then the money is for David, so the money will go to us finding another place to live (deposit, pet deposit if applicable and first moNth and last months rent). It will go for making a place handicapable for David. HOWEVER, some of you have indicated that you might want your donations back if we are not able to save the house. In that event, I am keeping a tab of all who have donated (unless the donation is anonymous) and if you want your donation back, just contact me and I will see that you get it back. It is really as simple as that. 

What happens if a miracle happens and the house is magically deeded over to you without you having to pay for it? Then what happens to all the money donated? If that particular miracle were to happen, then again, for those wishing to have their money back, I would definitely do so. For the rest, if there was enough money, I would purchase a newer van, mine is currently ten years old and pushing 150,000 miles, and I would make it handicap accessible for David's wheelchair. If there was anything else left over, I would put it towards a pulley system to help him get in and out of his therapy pool easier, especially after his surgery and anything else left over would go to any other assistive equipment for David or for Davids needs down the road. 

Do you have a plan just in case you do lose the house? Yes. I have a plan to make a plan. Currently, I can't think anyway but that we will save David's home. Any other way of thinking would be negative and serve no purpose. I am sure though that within a month, we will know if we can pull this off or not. If not, then that gives me time to find a new place, make any changes I need to make, put anything into storage I need to store and sell what I can't keep or take with me. So yes, I have a plan to make a plan. But I don't think I will need it!

So what can I do to help make sure David keeps his home? First and foremost PRAY!!!! Even if you aren't a person who normally prays, your prayer could be just the one God is looking for. And prayers beget miracles and we surely need a miracle now.  Then you can also go to the Help David Stay at Home facebook page. There, all the information about donation pages and places, t-shirt sales and fundraising information is located. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Share all of this like crazy. Even if you can't financially help through donations, share often because you never know who might see it and be able to donate. And of course, if you can and are willing, please donate. Every cent helps us to get to our hugely lofty goal. 

Please understand that in putting all of this out there for the world to see, I have opened up my life, my finances and everything most of us keep private.... to a lot of scrutiny. I am a hugely private person about so many things in my life and having to lay my whole self open for all to see has been very humbling and very very embarrassing. I also know that I have left myself open to less than flattering speculation and gossip from friends and strangers alike. Trust me, if not for David, I would never have done this, but for David, I would do just about anything. So if there are questions I have not addressed and you feel you need answers, please feel free to comment below, message me, text me or flat out ask me on facebook. As I said, to save David's home, I will do whatever it takes because that is what fighting for David is all about.

#savedavidshome
#fightfordavid

Thank You

One thing growing up that my mother was a stickler for was manners. You addressed your elders as ma'am and sir, you said Excuse Me when passing someone in an aisle and in every instance of asking you said Please and when given, you never failed to say Thank You! It is a show of respect and appreciation and those lessons were drilled into my head from birth.

Recently in my world, there has been a great deal of asking which I always start with a huge PLEASE. I try to make the please as big as the ask and trust me, my current ask is beyond huge. I have also tried to follow up every give, whether it is the promise of a prayer, a share, volunteering to help with our fundraiser or a financial donation with an even bigger than huge THANK YOU!

I am sure this will not be my only blog of thanks in this whole ordeal, but I want everyone who even gives David and I a good thought for the day to know how much that means to us and yes....thank you! 

I have so many people to thank, even thus far. I am so appreciative of all the people who the minute they heard our story, started sharing it on social media. I am grateful for every donation that has been given and every social media share of the donation sites, the t-shirt page and the information that Davids page posts. There is also Shirts Plus, the t-shirt shop who put up a t-shirt page for David and who is making the t-shirts. Also Matt Orsman and Sara Stone who designed the t-shirts. I want to thank the friends, neighbors and family who have donated to us not to mention the complete strangers who simply saw a need and out of the kindness of their hearts gave to us. I want to also thank whoever thought of the idea of sending our situation to the Ellen Show and all the others who jumped aboard the train and also sent something in to her. We all knew it was a long shot but you all knew that a long shot might be our only chance. And all of you who have shown up at fundraiser meetings, offering your time, resources and effort to help create this fundraiser in a limited amount of time. To all who have sought out auction items and all who have offered auction items, we are beyond grateful. And finally, to the little coffee shop Jane's Landing here in town that lets us convene our meetings whenever and has even stayed open past closing to accommodate our group....we are so grateful.

I know there are so many more of you who have jumped in with ideas, advice and help in all forms. There are also many who have come in under the cloak of anonymity and given and to each and everyone of you....I hope you know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that I also tell each and everyone of you each time you do something....thank you. I know I have been pretty exhausted and sometimes things slip through the cracks, but I sincerely hope my manners and gratitude are not one of those things.

Also, some of you may know and others may not, that for many years, I have had another blog called: Life With the Incredible Mr. David. This blog has chronicled David's life through the years, illnesses, surgeries and triumphs. If you are interested in knowing more about David, this is the place to go. I bring this up because yesterday David had a pre-surgery appointment with his PT. The details of what we learned about his upcoming surgery and recovery are covered in my latest post Spinal Surgery and Stuff, so please feel free to snoop around his blog and read all you like. And if you do.....thank you for dropping by.

#savedavidshome
#fightfordavid

A New Day

It's a new day and a new week. I could look at it as it is one day, one week closer to the deadline, but instead I choose to look at it as it is a new day to achieve a goal. The goal? To save Davids home!

I keep blogging even the mundane about this whole thing because it is my therapy right now. It keeps me from losing track of the goal and it also helps me not to get discouraged and fall apart. Every time someone posts something wonderful about David or the fact that they want to help or just that they are praying, it gives me just that much more confidence to know that we can succeed and achieve for David. You all have no idea how therapeutic you are.

Last week was so surreal and I spent most of the time lost in a fog of disbelief and bewilderment over an unthinkable situation. This week, I am focused. I know what has to be done and God willing, I will get some answers about this whole situation. No, Ellen is not likely to swoop in and save the day, nor is a bizillionaire going to come out of the woodwork and fix this. I am fully aware that in this case, I am in charge of mine and David's destiny and if this house is to be saved for David's mental/physical stability and his future, I have to step up to the plate and make it happen. Luckily I am blessed with people that want to help and want to insure that David never has to know a day where his future in this house is in question.

Part of stepping up on my part is asking a lot of others to help. I have asked for donations, physical help in planning a fundraiser and I have asked people to SHARE everything about this situation on social media so that word gets out of the crucial need for a lot of money in a very short time. Now I ask again for something from ALL of you. PLEASE pray for us! Even if you don't normally pray, I am begging that you just say a small prayer for David and our situation as I am sure in God's ears, those prayers are the sweetest. I keep remembering "Ask and you shall receive." Okay, if I am asking and you all are asking, surely God will help us to find a way to make David's future in this house secure.

Last night we had a fundraiser meeting for Save David's Home and tonight there will be another one for those who didn't make last nights. We did make a great deal of headway last night and tonight, I hope to get more good ideas and to finalize everything right down to the date. Trust me, I will be sharing all that info tomorrow.

So I thank you all for taking the time to read my blogs and let me vent and get some therapeutic release. Now I must get busy and Save David's Home.

#savedavidshome
#fightfordavid

Peace and Purpose

So as I was sitting in church this morning and it occurred to me that taking an excursion through my brain right now, would not be for the weak of heart. Trying to focus on the peace and serenity of the moment was futile as my brain furiously raced from one thought to the next. "I must save David's home! How can I save David's home? God please help me! If you worry....why pray? I must give back! What can I do to give back? There are so many other people whose need is as urgent if not more so than mine. Oh Lord, how do you manage all the need? PLEASE GOD...I need a miracle!" Yeah, it was a chaotic mess of feelings, emotions and the world closing in all at once....and then....there was peace. 

As I sat there listening to the story of Jesus curing the leper, the true and complete knowledge that all things are possible through Christ, hit home. My manic brain was at rest and the clutter was parting ways. I looked around at my church and the many faces, some familiar, some new and I realized that this too was my home. The moment that thought hit me, then a new and more important thought hit. It was as if I knew that my situation was going to be absolutely fine. I was not alone and that through my own determination, the generosity of those around me and much much prayer....all would be fine. BUT this gift must be paid forward.

I have seen in my later years that kindness and generosity above all else are crucial in this world. When all you have to do is turn on the tv or surf the web to see ignorance, hate and selfishness and see what it is doing to not only our younger generations but our world in general it is pretty clear that something has to be done. For awhile now, I have been working on this in my own life and trying to encourage others to do the same. So how do I continue to do my best to spread kindness and pay forward the generosity that is being shown my family? It hit me in church like a ton of brick.

Not trying to leave you with a cliff hanger here, but until I have this fully formed in my head and know how I am going to proceed, I won't share the details. However, let it suffice to say that from this moment forward, everything in this process of saving David's home will be a learning experience, committed to memory and saved for a time when the lessons can be used to help others.

I know there are those who hate organized religion and that is their choice, but for me today was a game changer. Being in God's home was the first time that my brain wasn't plaguing me with the swarm of questions, frustrations, whatifs and yes....fears. I was given peace, my brain was decluttered and I may have just found some crucial purpose in all of this.

And yes, I ask you all to continue to pray for us as the time is growing shorter and this week is likely the week that we will get a lot of answers and clear cut plans. I ask you also to please keep sharing David's YouCaring page and his t-shirt page as we have an astronomical amount of money that has to be raised in a very short amount of time. Finally, I ask one other favor of all of you. This week, please go out there and do one small act of kindness in David's name. Something tells me that this might just be a game changer in our fight to Save Davids Home. Thank you in advance for your kindness.

#savedavidshome #fightfordavid 

I Promise

As I write this, it has been exactly one week almost to the minute that our world got flipped upside down and inside out. Yes, it has been one week since I was given a letter of eviction from my brother and told that our home was no longer our home. It has been the longest, shortest, worst, most amazing week of my life.

Truly, I didn't know that 7 days could speed by like this, but looking back and realizing that most of my days ran into each other because there was no real sleep and that each waking moment was filled with strategizing, begging, hours on the phone and of course blogging made some of those days feel like time had stopped and I was living in slow motion. I won't lie, this whole thing was a pretty severe gut kick that knocked me down pretty hard for a moment. Only in the last 24 hours have I been able to even start processing any emotion other than the urgency to fix all of this.

My emotions are pretty raw in a way, but then again, there are people in your life that you really expect nothing of. They kind of play on a loop in the background of your world and are only there because of familial or emotional ties....or worse....guilt. If they surprise you and do something positive, kind or generous you emotionally re-evaluate their presence in your life and pull them to the foreground. However, if they do something that is negative, hateful or damaging, you still re-evaluate their presence in your life, but in some cases, you move them completely out of it. It is here that I am currently stuck....evaluating and re-evaluating certain relationships.

I still feel like I don't have a complete picture of what went on last Saturday. Other than the obvious....we got evicted, I feel like I am lost. It is kind of like walking in late to a movie with a very complicated plot and trying to figure out what you have missed. Everything in me tells me there is more to the story than I know.

While my brother and I have always been two very different people who saw the world and people with very different eyes, I would never have thought him to be sneaky or deceitful and although he does have a rather dark sense of humor, I never saw him as a cruel individual, especially towards family. I still don't, so that is why I am baffled at what felt like a sneak attack where this eviction is concerned. Why was I not included in any conversation about the possibility of this house being sold? Why was I not given an opportunity with more than a 25 day timeline to find a solution, make a plan or pray for a miracle? Why was I evicted and not just talked to? None of it makes sense. I keep thinking there has to be more to this story that will make me understand why he/they felt the need to treat me in such a way. There has to be something that I am missing.

And my dad..... My gut is literally screaming that something is wrong here. I don't know what but again, to think of him other than as a dad with the best interest of his kids and grandkids in mind is really hard for me. Granted, he has not been tremendously emotionally supportive....ever, but he has helped us out over the years financially when things were rough and of course allowing us to live in the house.  I just can't see him just evicting us without a conversation and some advanced warning regardless of the situation. My mind can go to some pretty dark places trying to come up with possible scenarios that might make sense and I have had to just shut it down and quit looking for answers where he is concerned.

So last night, as I was on my seventh night of little to no sleep, I made a deal with myself. Too much is going on right now to drive myself crazy trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of  all of this. I am sure that before all is said and done, I will probably know more than I care to. Right now, I have to stay focused and stick to the business of saving David's home. This in itself is going to take every ounce of my mental and physical capacity to even come close.

The next couple of weeks are going to be tough. This is a fight that I wasn't prepared for and I am having to go in blind as this whole process is out of my wheelhouse. Still, I don't back down when it comes to David and we may not win, but it won't be because I didn't put every ounce of my heart and soul into the battle. I truly don't want anyone in this situation hurt anymore than has already happened, but I didn't put this situation into motion and in order to fight this fight, I have to fight this in a way that gives me the possibility of the best outcome for David's future. What I won't do is fight dirty because that makes me no better than those I am fighting against.

And yes, I said this week had also been the worst and most amazing too. The worst is probably pretty self explanatory, but there has been so much amazing too. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that so many people would be willing to fight right along with us. I have been overwhelmed at the generosity of my community, friends, family and strangers. The outpouring of love and prayers and the willingness of people to come together and help David keep his home is amazing. Sometimes the worst things have to happen, in order for you to see and appreciate the best. This week we have had a hefty does of both and no one will ever know how grateful we are to be witness to such kindness and generosity of spirit, of community and of humanity.

So along with promising myself that I would keep my focus on what is important and not on what I have absolutely no control over, I also promised myself that I wouldn't let this break either I or David. I promise to remain strong, to fight with dignity and fairness and to never, ever forget to be grateful for my blessings and to pay all of this forward every single day for the rest of my life.

I promise!

Normal?

Normal. What an obsolete (in my opinion), strange word. When David was born and in the NICU, I was told by nurses, doctors and other parents with special kids that we would establish a new normal. Heck, I myself have also told parents with special kids the same thing over the years. The reality though is...What is normal? Normal can mean a thousand different things to a thousand different people. What I have learned is that whatever you consider normal is fluid. It can change in the blink of an eye. It is kind of like we are constantly resetting our world as to what is normal for the moment. If I had forgotten this, it came back very clearly to me on February 3rd.

The problem with being faced with a crisis that absolutely takes up your every breathing moment is....that it can't. Even in the face of crisis, the world keeps going on around you and especially if you have a family, the routine of life can't just stop. I remember when Tim died and everything fell out of my world, I just wanted everyone and everything to stop and let me catch my breath. How could people be going to work, taking walks, grocery shopping and even laughing......when my world was completely devastated? The truth? Regardless of what happens in life, the world does keep spinning and people keep going, most oblivious to your situation, your frustration or you pain. Life ain't fair. 

My point? Even in the midst of the days dwindling down until the time the infamous letter says we have to be out of our home, life goes on. David still has to eat, be taken care and kept in the routine that he knows and clings to. Groceries have to bought, bills have to be paid and meals have to be prepared. The house has to be kept cleaned, the trash has to go out and the dogs have to be cared for. All of this that before February 3rd, took up my days and kept me busy for what seemed like 24/7, now has to continue, but in the background as I have to add endless calls, talking to my lawyer, planning a fundraiser and trying to figure out  a plan just in case the what ifs do happen and we do lose our home. With all of this, there is little time to sleep or rest which is fine I guess, as my mind is simply too full to sleep much anyway.

Normal? Right now I think I would be so happy with just a smidgen of what I was calling normal last Friday. Anything I was worried about or stressed about seems so unimportant right now. In fact, I can almost be angry at myself for worrying about silly stuff back then when the big stuff was about to hit.

Please don't think that I am complaining because truly I am not. I am processing. My brain is so full of everything that focusing is an issue right now. Writing all of this down is the only way that I keep going. It is the one way I unburden and give my brain a small pathway so that I can sort through the clutter and figure out the important stuff....the now stuff.....the stuff that I need to focus on in the moment.

My faith is still strong and yesterday I was given some information that if not helpful to the situation, at least made me feel a bit vindicated. The lawyer feels it is better to keep the info in my back pocket right now, but knowing it did give me some peace in a lot of ways. I am praying with all of my heart and each time I open up facebook, I am strengthened knowing that we are supported and loved. It is a huge thing and keeps me from losing belief in myself and my ability to fight.

Today....I wait to hear from my lawyer, I go to the grocery store, I do laundry, pick up my house and begin the planning of a fundraiser. This is my normal.....for the moment. Check with me in an hour and to see if it remains the same.

Excuse Me While I Tantrum!

Excuse me while I tantrum!

Today has been beyond a doubt the most frustrating day of my life. I have been told....and it makes sense, that before I move one inch further with all of this business, I NEED a lawyer who has my back and is in my corner. Sounds simple in theory....right? Trust me....it is not!

I have spent literally hours on the phone calling agencies, lawyers, legal aid, Aging and Disabilities and the list goes on and on. They all agree that this is a BAD situation. That it is not fair and that yes.....I need an attorney, but apparently because of Davids disability issues along with the eviction, I need a specialized attorney that simply does not exist. I have called so much that I think I have killed my phone as I picked it up to make yet another call and it buzzed a pathetic buzz or perhaps it was a gasp.....and then it went dead. Now is it dead dead or just begging for some much needed rest? We shall see. At any rate, without my phone, I am left to ponder my situation and pondering is not good for me today.....so here we meet again. I am three for three.

"I am a woman on the edge", in the words of the great Roseanne Conner. I know exactly how that feels. The kicker this morning was one attorney I talked to told me that I need my parents divorce papers as this house was purchased as an agreement my parents made post divorce. I told the attorney this and that there was no court ordered anything in 1971 as my parents agreed in court to leave the marriage pretty much with what they came into it with aside from minimal child support from my dad to my mom. Once out of court, Mom and Dad came up with their own agreement which both agreed was Dad providing us a home. This was not the first home Dad purchased for us, but it was the one that we eventually called our forever home and long after my brother and I moved out, my dad considered it my mothers home until her death in 2002. That is when he offered it to me with the promise of the home being deeded to me upon his death. Trying to explain this to a lawyer though is like talking to a wall. You simply can't do it.

He insisted I needed their divorce decree. So against my better judgement I went downstairs and went through my mom's trunk of old papers and keepsakes. If she had it that is where I figured it would be. To my shock I found letters my dad had written my mother post divorce, begging her back. I knew how that turned out as I lived it. She succumbed and the idealic life that was promised in those letters died about five minutes after we moved back in. I had never read those letters before nor knew they existed. It was kind of gut punch to read them and in a funny way, relive those events that happened so many years ago.....all over again. This was not the time nor the day to be hit with that kind of nostalgia. And as you may have guessed.....no divorce papers.

Today is the first day that my mind has clearly processed this all. I have been working in auto pilot since Saturday. Today though, reality is setting in and I am more than aware of the daunting task ahead of me. Part of me wants to keep my cool and move forward, but there is a very distinct part of me that wants to scream, yell and throw the tantrum of all tantrums.

No life isn't fair but David doesn't deserve this. David has had a tough road since the moment he left the womb and he has managed to fight through so much and still laugh, smile and inspire, but this.....this will harm David and I just can't allow that, so I straighten my tiara, talk sweetly to my phone and prepare to hit the ground running again this afternoon. Tantrum over. 

It's Simply a Faith Thing

Isn't it just like me? You don't hear from me for nearly a year and now suddenly, it's two days in a row. I promise that it is my intention to blog more in 2018 and more so, that they won't all be about this disaster I am currently dealing with. No....really!!! I have other life disasters that I can talk about! But today....I am processing and still need the writing therapy to get me through all of this.

This weekend was so surreal. Saturday I spent the day trying to understand how family can be so cold. No...not just family but MY family. It just was not sinking in. Yesterday I kept fluctuating between being sad, being angry and trying like hell to be understanding. My friend Marni's words kept going through my mind: There are 3 sides to every story. Your's, theirs and the truth. So what is this particular truth?

My first reaction upon hearing the news was to feel complete and total sorrow for both my dad and brother. I kept thinking how hard this must be for them to have to do this to me. I think I even apologized to them for having to go through such a thing. I remember thinking that because it must be so hard for them, that I had to handle this all with as much class and dignity as possible. Mostly I did not want my dad to be upset as his health isn't great and honestly even with our pasts....I couldn't for a moment think that either of them would deliberately do something like this to me. More over I couldn't fathom that they would do this to David. Hmmmmm I think I managed getting out of there with class and dignity...or at least my version of the two.

Then yesterday....... I didn't sleep much Saturday night, even as hard as I tried to shut my mind down. I prayed a lot and tried to imagine a positive end to this particular chapter of our story. Sleep was not my friend. So yesterday my mind began questioning what was truly behind this situation. Was this really a completely innocent action taken with the sole purpose of giving my dad financial peace of mind? If that was the case then as hard as this all is, it was understandable. BUT, why not include me in on the process and possibility that turned quickly to reality.... that my home was at stake? Why not give me a heads up and let me know that dad felt his living arrangements and financial security were in danger and therefore selling my house might ease that worry? I surely could have helped find other options and helped to ease that worry and not lose my home in the process. Was this whole thing then premeditated with the full intention of not only taking my home but causing me the absolute most stress while doing so? Can people, especially family really be that cruel? I still don't want to believe it, but at the very least, this whole thing was done in a very disrespectful, underhanded and humiliating way. It truly wasn't fair.

What was that? Life ain't fair. Yes, that is glaringly obvious.

Before I went to bed last night, I found myself starting to get angry at the unfairness of it all.Then I remembered that everything has purpose. There is purpose in this. Perhaps I need to appreciate things more and be more grateful. Perhaps I take things for granted too often. Maybe I need to realize that I need to give more, be kinder and not be so trusting of people (even family). Whatever the lesson is, I decided that I could be bitter or be busy. Bitterness takes you to a negative and unhealthy place pulling you down and backwards. If I get busy trying to fix things and improve my circumstances then I don't have time to be negative. All I have time to do is move forward. That is my choice.....busily moving forward.

Today I have been a bit overwhelmed. I hit the ground running but I have felt myself and my attention pulled in so many ways that focus has been hard to achieve. I have however been extremely busy. I have so many questions and so many things I need to check out and find out what my rights are and how I can continue to not only move forward but to also keep our home. It is truly a lot. Blessedly though, I am not doing this alone. My community, complete strangers and other wonderful family members and friends have stepped in and stepped up. Tonight is a community meeting to help plan a fundraiser. I am also told there have been many emails and calls to the Ellen show and the calls, texts, fb messages and donations we have received have been amazing. It just goes to show that blood doesn't have to be shared to be considered family. I don't think that I could be more grateful or more humbled right now.

So I move forward. I will likely never know the true motivation behind my "eviction" but I also can't sit around and worry about it either. All actions good or bad have consequences and this situation will be no different. As for me, I simply have to keep busy, be positive, fight like hell and learn everything from this experience that I am suppose to. I know everything else will eventually take care of itself. It's simply a faith thing!

Saving Our Home

Breathe! I AM strong! Breathe! I CAN do this! Breathe! I DO have faith! And then the old saying....If you worry why pray and if you pray why worry? It has all been swarming in my head like a nest of angry bees for the last 24 hours. What a difference a day makes! Truly.

I won't bore you with all the gory details of my current plight. If you want the details....check out my facebook page. The details are there. This is just me trying to process and figure out how I am going to handle this newest of drama's in my life and how I am going to continue to keep a roof over Davids head (preferably the only roof he has ever known) and how we as a family move forward.

Yes, it has been awhile since last we met here. So much has transpired so fast that I am still processing it all. In the last year, along with David whose health has always been a crap shoot, most everything I know about my world and my life has changed. Anything that I thought was secure has proven to be anything but, however, in this last year....I was reassured once again that upon my father's death, this house.....our home would be deeded into my name and my family would always have a roof over their head. Barring natural disaster, this was our home. Yesterday that all changed.

Now my home is nothing special to the naked eye. My home and I are the same age and since 1976, this home has been where my world began and ended. Except for a few years living elsewhere, just about every memory I have....both the good and bad are in the walls of this house. My late mothers yells of "LisaMarie....get down here," and my late husbands laughter still live in every fiber of it's make up. The parties my friends and I had when we were teenagers, the sleepovers and the smells of my mother canning still live here right along with me. My kids grew up here and David has come to rely on the comfort and security of this place as the one sure thing in his unsure world. His room means everything to him. It is his domain and his safe place and for him to have it taken away is just unthinkable to me.

Last night as you can well imagine, I barely shut an eye. As much as I tried to shut the insanity of the day off and rest, all I could do is think of each room and remember all the moments big and small that happened there. I could hear all the voices that have resided here and through the fighting of tears, think about those I lost here. This home is just such a part of us all. It was beyond heartbreaking to sit my kids down yesterday and tell them that by March 1st, this would no longer be our home. That everything I had ever promised them about always having a home here was just gone in one eviction notice.

And that eviction notice..... a notice that gives us less than 30 days to find a new home (with no money), move everything including our pool, deck and shed (otherwise it would become theirs) and never a word to me when they knew this was going to happen. I never knew an eviction notice could be so humiliating....especially when handed to you by family. So many emotions. "Just breathe," I kept telling myself as they sat their looking at me. The tears were right there but damned if I would let them see them. Damned if I would let them out. I still haven't.

Mixed in with all of this joy is the fact that David is to have a very extensive spine surgery in March. That has weighed on me terribly as I know what a difficult surgery, hospital stay and recovery this is going to be. When I mentioned this to my family while standing their holding eviction papers and trying to make sense of any of it, my brother simply looked at me and said, "Well, it's in March, so you'll be moved out by then." What does that even mean? All I could think was, I don't care how I feel about you or how you feel about me, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would never allow this to happen to you or your family. I would have fought for you. I would have found a way to make it all work without you losing your home. Without your son losing his home. But then again, maybe that is just me.

Then, last night I started thinking that with this, I am losing so much more than just my home. If I had to move right now, where would I go? Likely we will not be able to find a place big enough for us and affordable here in my home town. So then what? David loses his school? The people he has known his whole entire life? Really? And what about our dogs? The dogs we love that are as much a part of our family as the two legged animals running around here? Spud and Gizzy are old dogs and this is the only home they have ever known. What if we can't keep them? What if we don't have a backyard for our beautiful baby Shane? What if I don't have a place big enough for Davids equipment, for my grandchildren and for the few things I really love? The tears almost came. They are almost coming now, but damned if I will let them.

I have many wonderful friends out there who want to help. They are trying to help with advice, suggestions and even financial help. Oh and don't think that wasn't difficult and demoralizing to know that we are such a charity case that I had to air all of this on facebook and beg for help. I truly hope no one I know ever has to feel that much humiliation, but then again, the circumstances of my life made me check any ounce of pride I ever had long ago. I am left humbled with the realization that blessedly there are many good people out there and very undeservedly, I have some very good friends and an amazing community. Whatever comes of all of this, the bottom line is.....I will be paying it forward and giving back every chance I get....for the rest of my life.

I am keeping the faith and praying like crazy. I know that regardless of how this all turns out, life goes on. The world keeps turning and God will see us through. I also know though, that God expects me to fight for my family, for my home and most of all for David.

If you would like to help please head over to our YouCaring page. If you can help financially that would be amazing, but if you can't, please share and most of all, please pray that we get the miracle we need and are able to keep our home.