Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dating 101 or How to Find a Man in Lisaland.....The Second Time Around

In the last week in Lisaland and those in Lisaland adjacent, I have been witness to several bad/sad breakups. I saw a couple with  over 20 years under their belt.....fall apart and disintegrate right before my eyes. I saw two young couples... one with less than a decade together and another under the five year mark also go down in flames and I saw a couple in its infancy turn sour before they even had a chance to grow. I also watched several couples walk the relationship tight rope and honestly....the verdict is still out on whether they will survive or not. Relationships...at the best of times can be challenging, but when one or both are not pulling in the same direction, they can be down right brutal.

In my past, I have had several relationships. Some seemed to have potential, but went south for no obvious reason. Others were destined to fail from the first "hello!" It wasn't until I met my husband that I found a relationship where we were both on the same page. Even with that though....there were hurdles and obstacles and life situations that didn't make us always see eye to eye or make the relationship easy. Sometimes life just worked and other times we had to fight to keep what we had, but always we saw each other and our life together as worth it. We learned the fine art of compromise and found out like all long term couples do, that no relationship is ever 50/50 and that the only ones who think they are....are people who have never actually been in a relationship.

When I married my husband, even though life was not always smooth sailing, I remember feeling very lucky every day of my life. The reasons were many, but the important ones were that I had finally found someone who accepted me as I was....warts and all and I loved and accepted him just as he was. One of the other reasons was that I was so relieved and thankful that my "relationship" days were over. I had moved onto the "real" stuff and I was never going back. Remember what they say about never saying "never?" So here I sit....wondering if I am ready to put myself back out there into a world of maybe's, no ways, and near misses. And I can't help but wonder if relationships aren't for someone who is a whole lot younger, has a whole lot more estrogen and a whole lot less attitude about everything?!

Thinking about putting myself back out into the dating/relationship world is quite scary to me....especially at this stage of my life and after being on my own for so long. I worry what the men in my age group are like now. Whose out there? Am I looking at men who are multiple times divorced and looking for their next conquest/wife, or men that have never been married and are finally deciding that hitting the half century mark is a good time to get hitched? And what about those men who like myself, have suffered the loss of their spouse and are broken in ways that they never dreamed possible. Can two broken people ever make a whole relationship? Also...what about romance? Are the guys out there at this stage of life beyond romance and just into growing old with someone or is there someone out there that still feels young at heart....if not particularly in body? Would you laugh if I told you that I still want butterflies? Is there an expiration date on butterflies? At this point I have no idea.

I don't think I have given up on love nor given up hope that someone can love me. After all....I do believe in miracles. What would be truly wonderful though..... is to feel flushed because someone touched my hand......or feel that fluttery butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach all the way to my chest because his lips touched mine. I know....I am a grown woman, way past the age of blushing and butterflies, but in my heart I still long for my prince charming and all that that implies. So yes...I still wish on stars and sometimes when the moon is full and beautiful, I wonder if there is someone out there for me? I wonder if he is watching the same moon I am......wishing on the same stars and hoping that love might be possible for him too, the second time around?!

So now that you have seen the sappier side of me, I guess there is nothing left to do....but wish you a very wonderful Tuesday!


Anonymous said...

I am not a fan of stereo typing people. You have stereo typed men of a certain age all over the place. You say you want a man but you seem to push them away with your words. At the rate you are going, finding a man may not be in the cards for you.

Sideline Observer said...

Pretty harsh Anonymous. How as she stereo typing anyone by asking questions about what is out there? She is looking before she leaps and personally I give her kudos for not just thinking she is so desperate to have a man that she jumps in without asking questions. I love reading about your journey through trying to put yourself back out there cmom. Whether you know it or not, I bet you are helping a lot of people in the same boat you are in. You are giving widowhood a face and I love it. Keep up the good work and you WILL find a man. A great man I am sure.

Marni said...

Anonymous please tell me how Lisa is stereo typing anyone?! She is asking questions....Stereo typing would be putting ALL men into ONE group....which clearly she is NOT doing. There is never anything wrong with asking questions because it opens you up to so many more possiblities.
Anonymous, I do believe that you are at the point that you are just reading Lisa's blogs just to FIND something to gripe about. Because clearly there is nothing in this blog that speaks of what you wrote.
LISA!!! YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR BUTTERFLIES OR BLUSHING!!! Believe me I have seen it in the young and in the old!! (NOT that youre old..hehehehe) Just keep your heart open my friend......

Random Girl said...

I don't buy what anonymous is selling on this one. It is completely fair to question what you are getting into, there are a lot of unknowns. The fact that you are opening yourself to the possibilities and looking for those butterflies again shows that you really are wanting to find a fit.... keep the door open and be cautious but hopeful, that's what I'm doing and I think the rules are pretty much the same regardless of age in life.

littlemdl said...

After following you Lisa for quite a while now, I believe Thiry when she said Anonymous is just enjoying getting a rise out of your other followers. If you really feel this way about every single thing Lisa writes then quit reading it! Or grow some balls and quit popping up as anonymous! Be a big boy or girl as that may be and if you have a problem with something she says then own it instead of hiding behind your ambiguous character!

Jeremiah said...

I like to look at relationships less as leaning the same direction, and more as leaning on one another. The secret is to lean when you're weak, and push when you're strong.

Thank you, Marni, for sharing this blog. Very well written.


Jeremiah said...
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