Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Scar

So I am not gonna lie....Wednesday's are hard. I am not good at actually revealing myself without a topic. You would think at my age....the stories would just be oozing out my pores...but the truth is, I am just not that interesting. Well....maybe except for last weeks revelation that I wear a push up bra. That seemed to garner some attention.....and some looks and comments this weekend. Of all the things I have written this year....THAT was the thing people paid attention to. I had to laugh.

In stressing over something to tell on myself about....I did remember a little diddy from 2003. It was an incident that I shall never forget.....due to the fact I carry a permanent scar from it. My children will not forget it because it scared them to death. Berty will likely not forget it because she got drug out of bed in the middle of the night.

Those that know me....know that I am a clutz. I have fallen down stairs, up stairs, off of a ladder, out of a chair and off the bed of a truck. I have slipped in the tub, on wet rocks at the lake, and slid across a skating rink on my bottom lip after tripping over a four year old. There is simply no end to my ability to inflict pain upon myself. The fact that I have only managed one set of injury related stitches and only one broken toe in my life is a minor miracle. I do however have deep scars on my elbow, my chin, my shin and my bottom lip from instances of clutzery that have not required medical attention. And I can't count the number of times I have knocked the wind out of myself from skiing (both water and snow).... I am no longer welcome on any slope in CO in fact I may not even be allowed back in the state. My point is.....I stand up....I fall down....I get hurt! It is a vicious cycle with me.

When we moved  back into my childhood home after my mother died.....we moved in amongst her things. My house was overflowing with both her stuff and my stuff. It took forever to get two households down to one. My bedroom was on the top level as was Z's and David at the time. Man-child's was in the basement with a level between us. As we were moving in.....all the rooms were packed to the ceiling with boxes and we were slowly but surely making our way through stuff and weeding out what we were to keep and what we were to toss. Each night I went to bed exhausted and in my room was nothing but a pathway through all the excess.

One night after a long day....I was beyond tired. I had gone to bed and was sleeping soundly when something brought me right up out of bed. To this day I have no idea what the sound was.....all I know is I jumped before realizing where I was and what was around me. I started to fly out my door when I caught my foot on a cord. As I flew up into the air....I became completely awake and alert. It was like a slow motion cartoon. I kept hearing this shrill, grating sound and not until I began to come back down to earth did I realize that sound....was me. I sounded like an airade siren going off. This in turn startled David awake and set him to crying because of the ungodly sounds coming from his mother. The two screaming and David crying, then brought Z straight out of bed and he came flying into my room. Just as he hit my door.....I landed chin first on the corner of my tv stand which the cord had been attached to the tv it held up. As I whole body jarred and I felt as if my jaw was locked permanently. The pain was excrutiating and all I could do was slide on down the tv stand and land with my nose and forehead planted firmly on the floor. Poor Z saw me laying there with my legs in the air and my face in the floor moaning.

Not having any clue what to do and not being fully awake himself....he began to dance in circles saying "Mom are you okay? Are you hurt? Do I need to do something?" I couldn't lift my head off the floor the pain was so bad. Z came over and lifted my head up by my hair.....I let out a cry of pain....scaring him and causing him to slam my face back down into the floor. I screamed....he screamed and David screamed. Z resumed his dance as I lay there moaning. He kept saying "Mom talk to me!" It must have been at this time that he saw the blood....because he let out a blood curdling scream and flew down the stairs. I laid there wondering what I looked like at that moment and why he had screamed. With the pain I was feeling.....I would not have been surprised to see my face split open, missing teeth, or my chin protruding from my skin.

Apparently once Z saw the blood...he was fully awake and decided that was the time to bring Man-child into the mix. MC came flying up the stairs not having a clue why his brother had come running down the stairs  jumping on him screaming "Hurry.....Mom....Blood!" Only about half awake he managed to trip over my legs as he came bolting in my room.....nearly falling on top of me. Still unable to move or speak.....MC kept asking me questions as I lay there and whimpered. Not being able to see my face as I was still face planted in the floor....he too grabbed my hair to examine my face only to slam it once again into the floor after he was startled by my scream. Realizing I couldn't stay face down on the floor....he slowly began to roll me over. I must have looked a sight as the words "Oh God!" came out as he looked at my face for the first time. He continued asking me questions which I was still not able to answer and all that came out where inaudible whimpers and moans. He apparently decided at that point that this was more of job than he and Z could handle on their own so the next thing I knew he was calling Berty. Now mind was in the vicinity of 2 a.m. and the middle of winter....but Berty being the trooper she is....trudged out.

Moments after MC had been on the phone and frantically told Berty that I had fallen, I was bleeding and I couldn't speak.....the pain or shock or both started to subside a bit. My whole body still felt as if I had slammed into a brick wall, but slowly I was able to lift my head and then my body from the floor. MC tried to help me to a chair as Z started shrieking...."don't move her....she could be bleeding internally," (too many medical shows for that young man!) As I sat up and got my witts about me....I slowly tried to open my mouth. I figured if my jaw was broken the mouth would not move or would be so painful I couldn't talk. I could talk. My first word....."Ouch!" I made my way to my mirror to see blood dripping from my chin but no defined cut. It was like the imprint of the corner of the tv stand had just left a dotted line on my chin and through those dots was seeping blood. It was really very strange. There was no swelling....but there was some bruising. The major bruising though.....was actually on my forehead where people kept pulling my head up and then slamming my face back into the ground.

Soon I could hear Berty running up my stairs and I sat fixated on the blood flowing from the dots. I must have looked awful because Berty snickered at the sight of me looking at my chin. "What did you do?" she asked trying not to put the inflection of (this time) on the end of the question. "I fell!" was all that I could muster feeling both in pain and just the slightest bit embarrassed. Z immediately jumped in and gave Berty his version of the events that took place....complete with Mom's feet in the air and her face in the floor and her weird unnatural screeching. By the time the story was finished....Berty's snickering had turned to full fledged laughter. I was glad one of us was amused. After looking at my chin and being as perplexed as I was at how there was a lot of blood for no real cut.....she then began shoving things in my room to the side and making a very wide path from my bed to the door....snickering all the while she did it. I just sat there feeling that I should look a whole lot worse than I did considering how I felt at that moment. Berty got everyone back to bed and then she said....."Do I need to say around for Act II?" "Just shut up and go!" I growled. You could hear her laughing all the way out the door.

So the next day.....Project Declutter was stepped up and by night room was clean and clear. I sported a huge bruise across my forehead for about a week and some slight bruising on my jaw and chin for several days, but by some miracle.......the damage was no greater than that. To this day though, that strange little scar remains under my chin as a reminder of a night.....that I shall never....ever....forget!

There you have it folks.....another lesson about Lisa. Hope your day is bright, cheerful and pain free. Happy Wednesday everyone and also a shout out to my wonderful friend Chris Landis who is celebrating a birthday today. Happy Birthday Chris!


J'nelle said...

This was pretty funny. I love the visual that goes along with it with your feet in the air and your face in the ground. Sounds like you were very lucky not have hit your eye or cracked your head open. We all have those clutz moments. Thanks for letting us hear about yours.

Anonymous said...

I like it when you tell stories about yourself. You never try to glamorize it to make yourself look better than you actually do. This made me laugh thinking about your kids dropping your head into the floor. Your blog is my favorite early morning entertainment.

Nevada, MO

LisaAnne said...

Lisa I cannot stop laughing! I am so glad my office mates are not in yet. I was literally belly laughing out loud reading that.

You are awesome! Even if it is just awesome at being a clutz.


PS - I also wear a padded bra every day. And a push up bra on special occaisions. :)

Marni said...

You tell stories in such a way that while reading you can just see it happening...totally unfolding right there for every one to see.
I have seen your "clutzyness" up close and personal....its not pretty. But very funny...after finding out you have not been hurt of course.
Thanks for the laugh this morning. And hey about the push up bra....welcome to the club!!!!

Anonymous said...

You should put a warning label on your blog posts. I laughed so hard I choked on my coffee. This was truly funny. Good stuff and what a great way to start my day. You really made me laugh!