In Search of Me

I am late again. Too many reasons to even go into. Let us just leave it at.....today was not one of my better days. If I were you Anonymous....I would keep your nasty little opinion to yourself or you might be on the receiving end of a barrage that you are not prepared for. Just sayin'!

Okay....last day (for now) I promise. Please let me hear your voice so I can make my blog readable to the masses (okay maybe just the few) but I want people who read it....to like it. So go to the top right corner and if you haven't voted...please do so. Who knows....starting this week...you may see some changes....generated by your votes!

Yesterday, I was submitting  some paperwork for my class.....and one of the questions was: Tell us about yourself in 500 words or less. For real? I choose less. Way less!  In fact I am much better with the one word descriptions. You know....happy, pissed, angry, full! Those are the descriptions I like. This 500 word stuff is impossible for me. Then I got thinking. Over the years....I have had to fill out such things like that to describe my kids and each time I knocked it out in just mere minutes. "He is happy, loves life and loves to laugh." "He is very intelligent, learns quickly and loves to perform." I could literally go on for 500 words and beyond about these kids....so why not me? Then it hit me. I can talk and write so freely and easily about them because I know them so well. I know what they like and what they don't like. I know what makes them happy and what makes them furious. I know their favorite foods, tv shows, and song of the minute. I know my kids. I however....do not know myself.....and you can't write about that which you do not know!

EUREKA!!!! It was as if a light bulb glowed brightly above my head. I don't have a clue about ME! For years I was Mary's daughter, the nail lady, Man child's mother, Tim's wife and now Z and David's mom, The Cheesecake Chick and the "old" lady who works at THAT computer place. And all of these persona's have their own expectations and responsibilities but none really help me to know who Lisa is. In each role I usually do the task at hand and in some cases like what "they" like and do what they do, but most of the time...it is never about me. Yes....I just heard that cosmic Guffaw......and yes I still believe most things are about me.....I just have to figure out who "me" is.

For years....I have listened to music that they liked....not so much me. I have watched shows that they liked......again....not so much me. I have eaten food, talked to people and even had cordial relationships with people that they liked. I have dressed for, cut my hair for, worn/not worn makeup for, shopped for, and pretended for everyone else in my life. Is it any wonder that I can't put more than one word in a sentence together to describe myself? I have no stinking identity. So there leaves the question......who the heck am I?

Perhaps this explains my issues with writing about me and telling stories about me. You simply can't write or tell about what you don't know. Damn....almost 29 and I have no clue who I am. (Shut up all of you....do not contradict a woman whose is deep in  thought!) So maybe in order to make Wednesday's more interesting....I need to embark on a journey.  Maybe I need to find out who Lisa really is. Anyone want to come along for the ride? Anyone want to make any suggestions for getting in touch with the Lisa side of me? Lets just see how many brave souls are out there.

Well...this is where it stands. I am me...but I have no idea who me is. I plan on going in search of me....but how can you search for that which you don't know? Again....I could be really screwed!

Here is hoping that your day is much better than mine and that whatever is left of your Wednesday doesn't suck!