Wednesday, August 31, 2011

In Search of Me

I am late again. Too many reasons to even go into. Let us just leave it was not one of my better days. If I were you Anonymous....I would keep your nasty little opinion to yourself or you might be on the receiving end of a barrage that you are not prepared for. Just sayin'!

Okay....last day (for now) I promise. Please let me hear your voice so I can make my blog readable to the masses (okay maybe just the few) but I want people who read like it. So go to the top right corner and if you haven't voted...please do so. Who knows....starting this may see some changes....generated by your votes!

Yesterday, I was submitting  some paperwork for my class.....and one of the questions was: Tell us about yourself in 500 words or less. For real? I choose less. Way less!  In fact I am much better with the one word descriptions. You know....happy, pissed, angry, full! Those are the descriptions I like. This 500 word stuff is impossible for me. Then I got thinking. Over the years....I have had to fill out such things like that to describe my kids and each time I knocked it out in just mere minutes. "He is happy, loves life and loves to laugh." "He is very intelligent, learns quickly and loves to perform." I could literally go on for 500 words and beyond about these why not me? Then it hit me. I can talk and write so freely and easily about them because I know them so well. I know what they like and what they don't like. I know what makes them happy and what makes them furious. I know their favorite foods, tv shows, and song of the minute. I know my kids. I not know myself.....and you can't write about that which you do not know!

EUREKA!!!! It was as if a light bulb glowed brightly above my head. I don't have a clue about ME! For years I was Mary's daughter, the nail lady, Man child's mother, Tim's wife and now Z and David's mom, The Cheesecake Chick and the "old" lady who works at THAT computer place. And all of these persona's have their own expectations and responsibilities but none really help me to know who Lisa is. In each role I usually do the task at hand and in some cases like what "they" like and do what they do, but most of the is never about me. Yes....I just heard that cosmic Guffaw......and yes I still believe most things are about me.....I just have to figure out who "me" is.

For years....I have listened to music that they liked....not so much me. I have watched shows that they liked......again....not so much me. I have eaten food, talked to people and even had cordial relationships with people that they liked. I have dressed for, cut my hair for, worn/not worn makeup for, shopped for, and pretended for everyone else in my life. Is it any wonder that I can't put more than one word in a sentence together to describe myself? I have no stinking identity. So there leaves the question......who the heck am I?

Perhaps this explains my issues with writing about me and telling stories about me. You simply can't write or tell about what you don't know. Damn....almost 29 and I have no clue who I am. (Shut up all of not contradict a woman whose is deep in  thought!) So maybe in order to make Wednesday's more interesting....I need to embark on a journey.  Maybe I need to find out who Lisa really is. Anyone want to come along for the ride? Anyone want to make any suggestions for getting in touch with the Lisa side of me? Lets just see how many brave souls are out there.

Well...this is where it stands. I am me...but I have no idea who me is. I plan on going in search of me....but how can you search for that which you don't know? Again....I could be really screwed!

Here is hoping that your day is much better than mine and that whatever is left of your Wednesday doesn't suck!


Mark said...

Lisa, not gonna vote. I'm of the opinion that this is YOUR blog. Write what interests YOU and what's on YOUR mind. I enjoy your writting ability, and the way you express your thoughts and feelings. If I don't like the topic or disagree your opinion, I move on. If I agree with you, got a chuckle out of it, or heaven forbid, it made me think, then I may read it more than once. Anyway... that's MY vote. There wasn't a box for that!

Anonymous said...

Lisa, your friends love you for you are. You are kind, considerate, loving, giving and most importantly you know how to overcome all obstacles that lie before you. And at the end of the day you know how to make an amazing cheesecake.

To me you are the strong woman from Mulvane. And drop the old thing. Not many could keep up with you. Especially the younger women of today. Too many believe they are entitled.

God Bless you,

Steve J.

Marni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marni said...

Ok what happened to my comment!!! Said I deleted it...hum....
Anyway.....we are who we are Lisa. Dont count yourself short. I too have issues with finding myself. I for years was the person my father wanted me to be....then the so on. Im working on it as you are but its so easy to be swayed back into the comfortable place that we have made for ourself.
Hey theres nothing wrong with the person that you have had a life that few could have come back from but you did. Theres nothing wrong with trying to find that place that makes you happier. Heck we are all looking for that....but dont forget that your life has made you who you are...and Im pretty sure that there are others out there like myself that love the.....loving, giving and funny person that you are....but lets be honest..youre also a..."dont take shit", back up your words, stand up for what you believe in kind of gal Too. You are a total package girl!!!!

J'nelle said...

I would love to go along for this ride. I think the next years of your life could be very interesting and very exciting. I predict that you will find you and that you will really like the person you find!

DaninDean said...

LOL I think you scared Anonymous. They have been really quiet. You should give it to them like that every time.

Mama Spaghetti said...

This is so interesting! I think a lot of women probably find themselves in your shoes, but I wonder how many actually stop and try to discover themselves again.

I'm curious to see your journey!